It’s never a good thing when a man hurts a woman, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally, especially the woman they love.
But in that moment of rage, anger, and frustration, when the man first hurts their woman — what are they actually feeling? What is going on in their head?
What exactly a man feels when he hurts his partner depends on whether he’s a kind-hearted man acting out of character, or an abusive man just doing what he always does.
Here are 10 ways a man can feel when they hurt the woman they love:
If they’re “good”…
1) They Feel Instant Regret
There’s nothing worse than hurting the woman you love, and kind-hearted men who end up doing it, they feel that regret instantly.
They realize immediately what they just did, and a rush of different emotions fills them.
They look at themselves and wonder how they could’ve done it, wishing they could turn back the clock and stop it from ever happening at all.
This is the kind of regret that claws on you from the inside out.
They end up hating themselves for what they’ve done, knowing that even if their partner forgives them, this will forever be a stain on their relationship.
It’s one of those things that you can never take back, and it will not only change the way the woman feels about the man but also how the man feels about himself.
2) They Feel Insecurity
When you hurt a woman you love and it’s the first time you’ve ever done anything like that, you lose track of your moral compass.
You end up doubting everything you ever thought you were, because how could the man you once were be the same man who hurts the most important woman in his life?
With all this doubt comes a mountain of insecurity.
The man starts wondering what other terrible things he’s capable of doing, and whether he even deserves his partner’s love at all.
He might not even know how to properly apologize, because he can’t even accept that he did it in the first place.
But he will, again and again, until he somewhat feels closer to the man he thought he was.
3) They Want To Make Things Right Immediately
With all the emotions running through his head, he’ll see one light at the end of the tunnel to make it all stop: making it up to you, right away.
And this can often make things worse than they already are because, in his attempts to make things right immediately after hurting you, he can end up feeling aggravated and frustrated that you aren’t yet willing to hear him out.
Meanwhile, you’re pressured to make a decision that you’re not ready to make.
This is why it’s important for both of you to take your time and evaluate what just happened, instead of rushing into making things right again.
To ease the pressure, I reached out to an expert at Relationship Hero.
The coach I got matched to was amazing and helped me understand what my partner must have been feeling when he hurt me, so I could better support him during this time while processing my own feelings.
You can get the same help I did.
Besides, talking your feelings through with an expert can help you understand your partner’s actions better and heal from their hurt faster.
4) They Feel The Pain As Much As The Woman Does
It would be crazy to say that if a man hurts a woman physically, then he feels the same level of physical pain.
But if a kindhearted man hurts a woman he loves — physically or emotionally — he feels similar levels of pain in his heart.
The guilt and regret he feels translate into pain, and this makes it even more difficult to accept what he’s done to his woman.
This is why some men actually pull away after they hurt their woman because they can’t stand the reality of what has happened.
This might be confusing to the woman, who thinks that they’re owed the biggest apology, but instead they are getting the silent treatment.
But it’s important to remember that he needs time and space as much as you do because he knows that before you can forgive him, he needs to forgive himself (or at least come close to it).
5) They Feel Confusion
Last but not least — after all this the easiest way to sum up a man’s feelings after he hurts a woman he loves is in one word: confusion.
In the aftermath of that pain, he really won’t know what to think, what to feel, or even what to do.
The pain, guilt, regret, frustration; all these emotions, along with knowing that he’s unable to fix any of this right away, can be enough to freeze him in a state of confusion.
He’ll feel emotionally numb from the tornado going on in his head, and he knows the one thing that he needs — your forgiveness — is the last thing deserves right now.
If they’re “bad”…
6) They Feel Empowered and In Control
When you’re in a relationship with a bad guy, the first time you really know that he’s a bad guy is the first time that he hurts you.
You’ll see it in his eyes, the way he acts after realizing that he’s caused you pain: no matter how hard he tries to hide it, you will feel a certain level of smugness radiating from him.
So why is he so smug?
Because he’s confirmed that he can hurt you and you won’t do anything about it.
He’s the type of man who gains satisfaction in knowing that he’s above his woman, and he can control you whenever you do something he doesn’t like.
This type of man tends to be more traditional and conservative; he believes men are inherently greater than women, and it’s the woman’s responsibility to always obey her man.
7) They Justify Everything
He knows he hurt you, he knows you’re in pain because of him, and he knows in his heart that it was the wrong thing to do.
But that doesn’t mean he accepts it.
Instead of apologizing and letting you know how much he regrets it, he’ll try to move the relationship forward by simply justifying his actions.
He’ll try to make you believe that you deserved it, or that his actions were simply reactions to your behavior.
This is often referred to as “gaslighting”, where a person tries to convince another person that reality is other than what it actually is.
And for women who get stuck in these kinds of relationships, often end up believing the justification of their men, even if their arguments barely make any sense.
They do this because they want to move on from the fight and hope they can make their man a better person, even if this is rarely ever the outcome.
8) They Make It About You
While similar to the previous point about justifying everything, in these cases, the man doesn’t even try to convince the woman that it wasn’t his fault; he simply tries to change the conversation and make it about the woman.
Instead of focusing on how he hurt the woman, he’ll start talking about literally anything else, but mostly about the woman’s issues.
He might talk about how he’s been pushed too quickly in the relationship, or that he’s never been one for commitment.
He’ll talk about how she needs to fix this or that, and a million other things. But all he’s trying to do is distract both the woman and himself from what he’s done.
9) They Forget That It Ever Happened
After some time has passed and all the apologies have been said and done, there may come a time when the woman will try to bring it up again, the fight where her man ended up hurting her.
But to her surprise, he’ll act completely oblivious to what she’s talking about, acting as if the fight never actually happened.
While some men may try to act as if the event never happened and you’re just being crazy, there are those who take the subtler approach.
They’ll concede that there was a fight and some kind of altercation, but they’ll pretend that your recollection of the events is wildly exaggerated.
In other words, they’ll say that you’re remembering it wrong.
10) They Might Get Turned On
In the worst-case scenarios, your man is hurting you not only because he’s emotionally unstable, but he’s also doing it because it actually turns him on.
Expressing power over his significant other is a kink for many men out there, those who tend to believe that it’s their rightful place to be “above” their woman.
So he might be experiencing a certain kind of pleasure from your pain, which might be why he seems to get encouraged the more you resist or fight back.
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