16 no bullsh*t ways to make him regret not choosing you

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

You thought your relationship was going well, until one day, without warning, he chose someone else.

It might’ve felt like a crushing blow to your heart and self-esteem. You know you tried your best and he was wrong.

But now he’s left you a sad and angry mess.

Instead of locking yourself in your room and crying the pain away, you can also choose to take charge of your life.

Show him that you don’t need him to be happy — because you really don’t.

Get your sweet revenge on him with these 16 ways to make him regret not choosing you.

1. Understand Why You’re So Hurt

Before you begin your conquest of revenge, it might be helpful to first ask yourself why you’re so hurt in the first place.

Why has his decision affected you so much?

You don’t have to feel broken and incomplete without him; you were already whole and complete before you met.

Maybe you’re hurt because you looked to him for your sense of validation or because you thought that he was finally someone who could take care of you.

In any case, when there are negative emotions inside of you, the best thing you can do is to accept them.

Don’t deny your feelings. Feel them through and through. This will help you process them better and move on faster.

2. Enjoy Your Single Life

There’s nothing he wants more than to see you miserable without him.

You might even be familiar with that feeling with your exes: wishing them well but lowkey wanting to see them weep in your absence.

It makes you feel wanted – don’t give him that satisfaction now. It just makes you look desperate.

Now that he’s out of your life, you can finally do the things that you’ve always wanted to do without having to ask him if he wants to come.

Go travel. Party. Go wild. Live your best life.

What’s a better revenge than him seeing you having fun without him?

3. Trigger his hero instinct

So, you want him to realize just what he’s missing out on? Well, we’ve got just the thing to awaken his emotions and see what a wonderful woman he’s given up on…

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you. It’s the ultimate way to make him realize what he’s missing out on!

Click here to watch the free video.

4. Try New Exciting Things

Maybe you’ve always wanted to try painting but never got around to it.

Now that you’re going through heaps of emotions, it might be a good place to express them.

Immerse yourself in art. Since you’re single, you can spend as much time as you want to hone the craft.

Post your masterpieces online. Once he sees how good you’ve gotten, he might start regretting letting someone as amazing as you go.

But keep in mind, don’t just do it for him. Do it to improve yourself; let it help you grow as a person.

5. Work On Your Body

Sometimes when your emotions are overwhelming you, the best way to purge them is by sweating it out.

Sign up for a new workout course to get your body active again. Scrap the junk food and make a change for the healthy greens.

The first is that the workouts might get so tiring that you forget all about your ex.

The second is that through sculpting your body, you become the best version of yourself – and an even hotter one too.

When he sees you again, he might not even recognize you.

He’ll surely start having doubts about his decision to choose someone else over you.

6. Try Out New Styles

After a breakup is a good time to reinvent your fashion style.

It’s your time to explore.

You can toss aside the outfits that bring back too many painful memories of your dates with him in favor of an entirely new look.

Maybe for a new hairstyle you can try bangs. Go for ripped jeans instead of your usuals.

Try a new color palette, and pick a new fashion icon to follow. Invite your friends over for a fun makeover.

An entirely new look is sure to catch his attention without having to call his name, which is just what you want.

7. Invite His Friends For A Hangout

One way to really get to him is to spend some time out with his friends – without him. Catch up with each other.

Try to drive the conversation anywhere but your ex. Remind them how charming and fun you can be.

If one of them asks how you’ve been, just tell them that you’ve been doing great (even if you might not have been).

If you have a good time with each other, they’re going to let your ex know about it.

This is something of a power play.

You’re trying to get into his head.

He’s bound to feel somewhat jealous of his friends for having spent time with you, but he didn’t.

This is a not-so-subtle way of letting him know that you can still affect his life as much as he can yours.

8. Still Be Friendly With Him…

On the off chance that you still talk to him or you bump into each other when you’re outside, remember to be friendly.

Act like you were close friends because you technically really were. Ask him how he is, what he’s been up to. Show him how well you’ve been doing without him.

This is sure to get on his nerves, but he’ll try to keep his cool until you’ve already gone your separate ways.

9. But Limit Your Direct Contact

Try not to interact with him as much as you can.

When you’re at a party, you can greet him, but keep it at that.

Talk with other people. If you’re going to laugh at something, try to make it loud enough for him to hear it, but not so much as to draw an entire scene.

Let him know what good of a time you’re having without him. This might just leave him wanting more of your attention.

10. Get your story straight

In the same vein, even if you limit direct contact, you will run into him at some point.

When you run into your ex-boyfriend, he is going to ask how your life is going.

So if you want to make yourself look good, start rehearsing how you want the conversation to go.

Prepare lines that will make him regret letting you go.

It should be delivered in a calm and collected manner — this shows that you are still confident with yourself and have moved on (even if it’s not true.)

Make sure you don’t go over the top. In a subtle way, just let him know how great your life is doing.

11. Get Back Out There

You might still be angry and sad. But if you’re going to get over him, then you need to get back out there.

Go on dates and meet new guys. Maybe someone just as good as him is out there for you. Maybe a better fit, maybe a more compatible individual that can help you realize your dreams.

For a lot of us, we can build up one person in our mind and see them as perfect.

But the truth is, there is plenty of fish in the sea, and if you’re receptive to meeting new guys, what you will find is that there are a lot of genuinely nice guys out there who can make you happy.

12. Make Him Jealous

Also, the more you date other guys, the more likely he will get jealous and he might start regretting letting you go.

Finding someone else is one way to get him looking back in your direction.

It lets him know that he really wasn’t all that big of a deal to you and he was easily replaceable.

It’s like an alpha move, brushing him off and posting pictures of your new guy.

He might even find himself wondering and stressing over who the new guy even is – which is the start of his crawl back to you.

13. Act Like It Didn’t Bother You At All

A breakup? Pshhh. It’s nothing for you – he was nothing for you.

When a mutual friend asks you how you’ve been, you can bring up everything else that you’ve been doing, coincidentally forgetting the part about your break up.

Bring it up as if it were such an insignificant thing that you forget about it often.

If you run in the same social circles, word might begin to spread about how well and not-miserable you’ve been.

Even if you aren’t feeling okay in private, you don’t have to show it to others in public. It might end up making you look desperate instead.

14. Get Serious About Your Career

When your life is free from emotional ties to anyone and anything, then you can focus on your career.

It can be a wonderful way for you to distract yourself from how amazing being single would be compared to being with him.

You might have always wanted to open your own business so that you could work your passion instead of a lot of other things like family obligations and more mundane stuff.

Or maybe you have always wanted to try writing or art.

Whatever it is, seize the day, go for it, and don’t give him any credit.

You’re doing this for you and no one else.

15. Move On

Moving on from him is one of the killer ways to let him know that your life is better off without him. It is a gradual process.

Sure, there might still be days when you want to lock yourself in your room, get a bucket of ice cream and boxes of pizza, and binge watch your favorite comfort movies.

You don’t have to skip those parts if that’s part of your healing process.

What moving on does entail though is not lingering on the past. Accept what just happened and learn to look forward.

Your life hasn’t ended now that he isn’t there. Show him that, and it will surely make him feel the sting of regret.

16. Love Yourself

If he isn’t going to love you, then you know who should? You.

The first person that chooses you should be yourself.

Loving yourself can be more difficult than simply telling yourself that you love yourself, though.

Those memories of the past that haunt you, the actions that you wish you hadn’t done, or the words that wish you hadn’t said.

Loving yourself takes accepting these things and forgiving them, as if you were comforting and forgiving an old and close friend.

Don’t keep punishing yourself for “not being good enough for him.”

Remember: if he didn’t choose you, that is his problem.

Loving yourself makes you stronger.

And if he sees that you’re the exact opposite of being miserable without him, it’s really going to be a punch to his ego.

At the end of the day, ask yourself, are you better off with him or without him?

He might get jealous and come crawling back to you, but ultimately it’s still you that gets to decide whether you still want to restart the relationship.

Maybe you’ve realized that now isn’t the time to start dating again.

Maybe it’s the time to reflect on what you want in life. You can live a more quiet and peaceful life single.

You might even realize that you never really needed him to be happy: you’re happy enough alone.

Finding happiness within yourself when you’re single is powerful.

There’s no greater revenge than showing him how happy you actually are now that he’s gone from your life.

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

30 things to stop expecting from other people

12 ways to deal with someone who doesn’t respect you