In today’s world, finding sexual satisfaction and happiness is in many ways easier than ever.
Whether it’s casual sex, one-night stands, or sleeping together on the first date — if it’s what you want, more power to you.
Owning your sexuality is a fantastic way to feel confident in yourself and live a healthy life.
However, that’s only half the story. It can still be difficult to find real connections. Emotional connections. For me, after I’ve slept with a guy, I often find myself wanting more. Something more — real.
Let’s be honest, it’s not always easy keeping a guy interested after you’ve had sex with him. It’s something I’ve always had difficulties with in the past.
So how can you do it? How can you keep a guy interested after sleeping with him?
I’ll show you how in 17 steps. Here’s a hint: it’s different for every guy.
First, you have to understand the event, from both sides. After that, there’s a number of things you can do to win his attention and keep him interested.
So, let’s get going.
Understanding the event
Was it a one-night-stand or have you been on a couple of dates? Is this a newly established friends-with-benefits scenario or did you sleep with him on the first date?
It’s important to understand the circumstances well, as they have a bearing on not only the likelihood of keeping his interest but also on how to proceed.
Make sure to take these things into consideration:
1) His mindset
Understanding his mindset is one of the biggest steps forward in figuring out how you can keep the guy you just slept with interested.
His perspective of the sexual encounter will define a lot about what to do next. Does it seem like a serious relationship is something on his mind? Or is a relationship of any kind pretty far down on his list of priorities?
It could be that he’s looking for a night of good fun, the excitement of meeting someone new, or that he’s on the hunt for his next serious relationship.
Getting a read on his mindset going into the date, before the sex — and afterward — will help you get a good bearing on the best way to keep him around.
2) Your mindset
It’s also important to understand your mindset, too, for the same reasons. What exactly is it that led you to have sex with him?
If you’re not ready for a serious relationship, it’s important to be honest with yourself about it.
If you’re on the hunt for a rebound or looking for a way to stretch your legs and meet new people, don’t lose sight of it.
Obviously, you want to see him again, but why? What do you hope to happen when you do see him again?
Make sure you’re clear and focused about your intentions, mindset, and hopes for a potential future relationship. When you do that first, you’ll have a higher chance of keeping him around.
It all ties into confidence, which I’ll explain why is so important a little later on.
3) His character
Did this guy seem like he was genuine, or more of a pickup artist? Did he seem at all serious, or just on a mission for sex?
From personal experience, the guy’s character will have a direct effect on my efforts to keep him around after I’ve had sex with him.
Some guys are, honestly, too shallow to want anything from you after they’ve had sex with you. Keeping that kind of guy around then becomes a desperate and futile effort.
Think back to the moments that led up to sex — try to understand his character based on the things he said, his actions, and so on. Does he shy away from the idea of an emotional connection?
Once you have an idea of what kind of guy he is, you’ll better be able to implement the techniques I’ll share with you a little further down in the article.
4) His behavior afterwards
What happens after sex is different for each encounter. Does he rush you out of his apartment as soon as the deed is done?
Consider this: If it doesn’t seem like he wants anything to do with you after having sex, your chances of keeping him around might be slimmer than if he was comfortable letting you stick around until morning.
I’m not saying he has to make you breakfast or give you morning snuggles in order for there to be a chance to see him again, but his behavior is a key indicator of what comes next if anything.
5) What did the sex mean for him? And for you?
Understanding what sex means to your partner is always a good thing. However, it might not often be something you’re comfortable asking right away. However, it can be quite valuable in keeping him around after you’ve slept with him.
In my experience, a first date is an intoxicating whirlwind of information, feelings, anxiety, and passion. When a first date leads to sex, there’s a lot going on.
Which is why I find it good practice to, when the time comes, briefly discuss the nature of the sex: whether it’s purely casual, whether you don’t want this to be a one-night stand, and so on.
His reaction, whether his answer is true or not, will help gauge what the sex means for him. It’ll also keep you safer, as well as prevent feelings from being hurt.
Of course, sometimes it’s easy to get carried away in the moment, so don’t sweat it. Any extra information will help you in your quest to see him again, after you’ve slept with him.
What to do next
6) Give him some space
This might be one of the most important things you can do after sleeping with a guy.
After I’ve slept with a guy, I’ve been known to have the tendency to reach out immediately and try to see him again.
Here’s the thing: that doesn’t really work well. He almost always gets scared off. Guys need their space. So what should you do instead?
I’ve learned a simple, no-pressure text is a great way to keep communication open.
If it seems appropriate, send him a text the next day, but keep it short and sweet. It’ll let him know that, for you, it wasn’t just a forgettable one-night-stand or a drunken regret. It’ll also leave the door open for more interaction.
Here’s a tip: It’s best to not imply any kind of obligation. Just let him know you had a good time. After that, leave him alone, give him space. Hounding him won’t do you any good.
Here are some more pointers to help you give him space without losing him.
7) Keep it casual
Most guys are pretty hesitant about commitment, it’s just the way it is. Whether they aren’t ready for something serious or don’t want to get hurt again, they usually don’t want something committed right away.
So keep things casual with him. Make it known you want to see him again, but don’t make it seem like some huge obligation, either.
Keep it light, playful, and easy. The goal is to captivate him, and show him that there’s a reason he should see you again.
Make him feel like if he doesn’t see you again, he’s missing out on something.
8) Keep him guessing
A great way to keep a guy interested in you after you’ve had sex with him is to keep him guessing.
Be mysterious and spontaneous. Try to mix things up as often as you can. If he’s never really sure what to expect when he meets up with you, that mystery is going to keep him engaged.
And if your relationship is purely sexual, don’t be afraid to mix things up in the bedroom. Be wild and exciting. Don’t be afraid to indulge in your fantasies, and indulge him in his. Keeping the excitement going will keep him hooked.
A lot of guys like the excitement of casual relationships and one-night stands, and dread the monotony of being stuck with one committed person. So when he sees you, mysterious and spontaneous, you’ll have his interest.
And when you have his interest, he’s likely to stick around. And not just for the sex, either. If you play your cards right, he’ll practically be begging to see you again.
9) Exude confidence
It’s a common myth that all men are threatened by confident women. (Yes, there’s a certain type of guy who’s threatened by an independent, confident woman, but let me just say, that’s not the kind of guy you want to date).
The reality is this: your confidence is going to capture his attention.
What is going to push him away, however, is someone who comes off as clingy, dependent, or desperate.
Repeat texting, pretending to be into everything he’s into, having him make all of the decisions — these are things that will make him lose interest, and fast.
Instead, just be yourself. Don’t be afraid to disagree and challenge his worldview a little bit. Take him somewhere new, get him out of his comfort zone, and show him who you really are.
He’ll be surprised, delighted, and fascinated. In other words, he’ll be begging for more.
If you’re looking for more ways to effortlessly be yourself, here are some great steps to help.
Just remember, don’t take things too fast, either. If you’re trying to rush into something, it’ll be apparent.
Even if he’s looking for something serious and long-term, if you’re rushing things, he’ll be turned off.
Let things progress naturally, and remember to be your confident self.
10) Stroke his confidence
The male ego is a fascinating, sometimes frustrating, and often fragile thing. While it’s no use trying to always cater to it all the time, there are some simple things you can do to help you keep him around.
Complimenting him on his style choices can go a long way. Openly admiring personality characteristics that stand out to you will boost his confidence.
Making it obvious that you find him attractive is a great way to make him feel good. And that’s what it comes down to. Because if it feels good for him to be around you, he’ll want to be around you even more.
In the bedroom, don’t be afraid to tell him he drives you wild (if he does, of course). If you make him feel confident in the bedroom, he’ll want to please you even more and feel even more capable of doing so.
For a lot of guys, something as simple as acknowledgment is enough for them to feel confident, secure, and ready to please.
If you’ve been figuring out how to keep him around for more than just sex, here’s some signs he might be making love to you and it’s not just lust.
11) Lure him into the chase
Playing hard to get might seem like a bit of a cliché but it really does work, if you do it right.
How so? The thrill of the chase is something primal embedded in all of us.
For men, it tends to be a little bit stronger. In that way, then, if he feels like he needs to chase you to have you, then he’s likely to stay around a lot longer and give in to that chase.
Again with the aphorisms: we all want what we can’t have. So when you deny him something that he wants, he’s going to want it even more. It’s going to drive him crazy.
What could that look like?
Well, it depends on the nature and stage of your relationship. If he invites you out or wants you to come over, don’t be afraid to say you’re busy.
Don’t be a flake but make tentative plans and back out on them. He gets his hopes up to see you, then can’t stop thinking about you when he doesn’t get to.
On the flip side, the game of cat and mouse can get really old. Especially if you and him are looking for something serious. So don’t overdo it. A little bit of mystery, a little bit of denied want, can go a long way.
But it’s more than a game, so just remember that when you’re luring him into the chase.
12) Ignite his hero instinct
The idea backed by a growing body of scientific evidence is that men have a biological need to protect their mate and provide for them.
When this instinct is triggered, they want to feel valued and important and so they’ll go to great lengths to keep you around and also to keep you happy.
In other words, once you ignite his hero instinct for you, he won’t be able to stay away. These instincts all tie back into his need to please you, protect you, and provide for you.
Here are some great ways to ignite the hero instinct in your man to keep him in your life after you’ve had sex with him.
13) Choose when not to sleep with him
If you’ve been dissatisfied with the state of things since you’ve been sleeping together, it might be time to take a little bit more charge.
Break out of the rut, change your habits and routine. Grab the bull by the horns, as the saying goes, and take charge.
If he’s used to sleeping with you every time you hang out, or whenever he asks, then shake things up. Tell him no.
If it’s strictly sex, tell him you’re busy. If it’s always dinner and then sex, just do dinner. There’s nothing wrong with a simple dinner date.
It will throw him off course, and that’s almost always a good thing. Because then you have something that he wants.
This is what it comes down to: when you choose to not sleep with him, you have control over something that he wants, and that puts the power in your hands.
Obviously, like I touched on in the point about luring him into the chase, it’s never good to play with someone’s emotions without thought, or deliberately withhold something from them.
However, it’s a great way to regain control and show him that you mean business and not just frisky business. When he gets to know you as more than just a one-night stand, he’ll see your innate value as a confident, desirable, and dynamic woman.
14) Casual — but not just casual sex
Casual sex easily becomes a bottomless pit, quicksand you’ll never get out of. From my experience, when a relationship is only about casual sex, it’s hard to break out of it.
You’re both getting what you want but without the emotional connection. It’s all too easy for that kind of one-dimensional relationship to grow old.
For him, you’re just an easy number for him to call up when he wants to get laid. And for you, depending on what you want from the relationship, it might be exactly the same.
Or, maybe you’re hoping that it will turn into something more, and by sleeping with him when he wants it, he’ll eventually see your value.
Unfortunately, that’s not how it’s going to happen. Not in most cases.
And not for me, at least. The casual sex relationships I’ve had have only changed when either he (or I) got bored, or when I took decisive action.
Instead of just answering his booty-call, I’d shake things up: tell him I’m busy and can’t come over to his place. Instead, I’d invite him out for drinks later in the week.
In doing this, I found out pretty quickly what I meant to him. Admittedly, it’s kind of scary, especially when I was really into the guy, but it works. If I was just a booty-call, he’d say no, and avoid doing things with me that didn’t involve sex. If he was worth my time, he’d go out with me.
15) Pick his brain afterwards
There seems to be a lot of stigma around how to behave after you’ve had sex. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that it’s uncharted territory for both parties.
But, honestly, I’ve found that guys are the most honest after sex. So don’t be afraid to ask him questions, and get to know him.
If he’s open to talking, you’ll have the opportunity to figure out if he’s just interested in a one-night stand, if he just got out of a bad relationship, and so on. You can also ask him about the sex directly, what he liked, what he didn’t, and how you can make the chemistry between you even better.
On the flip side, if he isn’t open to talking, it’s pretty clear that he’s just in it for the sex, and is afraid of establishing any kind of emotional (or human) connection with you.
And that’s okay because now you know that the likelihood of him staying around is pretty low, if at all. And now you don’t have to waste your time.
16) Be your dynamic self
The biggest way to keep a man around after you’ve slept with him is to just be yourself.
You’re a dynamic, captivating, and enthralling human being that deserves the attention and relationship that you’re looking for.
When you can be confident, comfortable in your own skin, and expressive, it’s going to draw the lasting attention of a guy.
Just remember to play your cards right, lure him in, don’t be afraid to be mysterious, and enjoy the journey. Getting to know someone is a unique experience, one of my favorite stages of a relationship, so don’t take yourself too seriously. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
Confidence in yourself is something that will not only benefit your relationships, but your mental health, and it’s always important to put yourself first.
And remember, guys love confidence.
Here are some other traits that guys love in a woman, and some things they don’t.
17) Be straightforward
It’s true, keeping a guy around after you’ve slept with him can definitely be an art. There’s a delicate balance of what to do and what not to do, but at the end of the day, we’re all adults.
And adults can have straightforward conversations.
If you’ve tried a couple of things and you’re still unsure of how to handle the relationship, what to do next, if he’s at all interested in you beyond sex, just ask.
Find a good time to bring it up, and be straightforward.
Ask him what kind of relationship he’s looking for if any. Ask him what you mean to him, what the sex means, and if there’s any potential for a further relationship.
His answer might be the last thing you want to hear, but at least you’ll know for sure.
If he only wants you for sex, but you want something more, at least you know not to waste any more time on him.
Being straightforward is often the best way to set boundaries, be clear with each other, and make sure that both you and him are being treated fairly. Even if that means he doesn’t want to stick around after having sex with you.
Letting it be
Not every guy is going to want to stick around after he’s had sex with a girl. It’s true that some guys have a lot less incentive to stick around once they’ve done the deed.
But it’s not true in every case: for a lot of guys sex is only the beginning of what could be a long and dynamic relationship.
Just remember this: some guys won’t stick around. These tips are a great way to help you keep him around after sex, but they’re also a way for you to decipher whether or not he’s worth your time.
These are pointers that I use when I sleep with a guy, and they’re really effective, but I also have to remind myself of the importance of just letting it be.
Don’t chase after a guy when it’s clear he doesn’t want you. Your dignity is the most important. You’re worth so much more than that. You are confident, self-aware, and independent.
And because of that, when a guy who is worth your time rolls around, you’ll be able to keep him hooked — long after you’ve slept with him.
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