“I wasn’t ready for a relationship and I lost her” – 11 tips if this is you

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Heartbreak can be a difficult thing to process.

Sometimes, the timing isn’t right, and you lose her because you weren’t ready for the relationship.

Not being ready could entail being emotionally needy, immature, or not seeing what is right in front of you.

It’s okay to grieve the fact that the breakup happened and that she’s gone.

Here are 11 ways in which you can move past it and maybe even win her back:

1. Understand Your Shortcomings in the Relationship

The first step in moving past the breakup is understanding where you fell short in the relationship and understanding how you let her down.

Don’t let your emotions or ego cloud your objective self-reflection.

Just take a hard look at yourself and identify the areas you can improve upon to become a better version of yourself.

Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s how you learn from them and change to become better that matters.

You may or may not be able to win her back, but you owe it to her (and yourself) that at least the breakup helped you become a better person.

2. Focus On Growing as a Person to Become More Mature

Immaturity is often the reason why you weren’t ready for the relationship and lost her.

You may have continued to play emotional games with her and given her mixed signals even though she was everything you needed in life.

The guilt that you messed up something that could have been beautiful by not even giving it a chance to grow can drown you.

Instead of brooding on the breakup, you need to focus on growing as a person and becoming more mature.

Take on some extra responsibility in your life and hold yourself accountable for your actions.

Prove it to her, the world, and yourself that you’re ready to rise up to the occasion.

By showcasing that you’re no longer a child and are capable of being a mature adult, you may make her want to come back to you.

And if you plan on trying to get back with her, then you need have a plan of how to do so.

In this situation, there’s only one thing to do – re-spark their romantic interest in you.

I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for a good reason.

In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.

Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.

3. Mold Yourself to Be a Man That She Would Have Wanted

It’s easy to wallow in self-hatred and guilt over the fact that you lost her.

While it could very well be your fault, you need to make something out of the situation.

You need to mold yourself into the person that she would have wanted you to become.

Maturity and growth can be shown when you’re ready to take ownership of your life and work towards your success.

Regardless of whether she may give the relationship another shot or not, you need first to ensure that there’s something worthwhile for her to come back to in the first place.

That starts with finding the best version of yourself, a version of yourself that both she and you can be proud of in the future.

4. Don’t Make the Same Mistakes in Future Relationships

To err is human, but not learning from those mistakes isn’t.

It’s okay that it didn’t work out between you and her because you weren’t ready for the relationship. You fell and got hurt.

Now, it’s time to get back up and ensure you don’t fall into those same habits.

You have to make a vow to yourself that you won’t make the same mistakes again in your future relationships.

By now, you probably have a good idea about where you messed up and what you need to focus on to become a better person in the present.

It’s also important that as you venture into relationships with either her or other people, you keep in mind that you need to commit to the people you love, and you can’t hold your cards only to yourself.

5. Once You Have Grown, Forgive Yourself

This is probably the most important step before you try to win her back.

If you feel like you have grown and evolved from your past mistakes, then it’s time to forgive yourself.

You can’t keep kicking yourself in the middle of the night about how you lost her because of your immaturity.

At some point, you need to stop being hard on yourself and take light from the fact that your past mistakes have helped you become the man you’re today.

You give yourself the chance to heal and experience healthy relationships only when you let go of the past.

Even if you’re looking to win her back, you can’t expect her to embrace the man you’re now if you can’t forgive the man you were.

6. Try to Win Her Back by Reaching Out to Her

You have healed and evolved; you have learned to use the pain from your breakup to make some positive changes in your life.

You can now try to win her back by reaching out to her. It’s important that you understand that even to set realistic expectations for you and her.

Just because you’re ready to restart the relationship doesn’t mean she’s obligated to give you a second chance.

Start slowly by reaching out to her and establishing contact. Approach her with a positive mind and attitude.

You can try to start out the conversation with a simple “how are you doing?” or “I have missed you”.

If she shows interest, try to meet up with her, preferably at a place that will trigger happy memories for both of you.

7. Rekindle Your Friendship With Her and Apologize for the Way You Were in the Past

It’s best to rekindle your friendship with her before building your way up to reconciliation.

Make sure that you give a sincere apology for the way you treated her in the past without justifying anything.

Tell her how much you have missed her company and talk about the good times you shared together.

You need to be patient throughout the process.

Try to find out if she has been dating anyone. If she hasn’t, chances are that she probably was waiting for you.

Don’t rush into things, and just let things grow between the two of you organically at a steady pace.

And above everything, make sure you want to get back to her for the right reasons and not because your ego was hurt.

You see, if you want her back, then you need to take things into your own hands and find a way to get through to your ex. 

I mentioned Brad Browning earlier – he’s an expert in relationships and reconciliation. 

His practical tips have helped thousands of men and women not only reconnect with their exes but to rebuild the love and commitment they once shared. 

If you’d like to do the same, check out his excellent free video here

8. Show Her That you’re a Better Person Today

It’s important to show her that you have really changed and become a more responsible adult. You may know that you have come a long way but she doesn’t know that.

She may still be hesitant about getting back together as she may be afraid that you will still be immature and unwilling to commit to her entirely.

Opening up to her and making yourself vulnerable without expectations is a great start.

Tell her about your job and discuss what you have been doing since the breakup.

Ask her about what she has been doing.

When the time is right, tell her that you want to get back together and bear your heart out to her without pressuring her to come back to you.

9. Be Authentic to Yourself While Evolving

Sometimes, people mistake evolving into a better person by putting on a facade for the world.

You need to change and grow as time passes, but it shouldn’t be just to appease the people around you.

You need to be true to yourself while also fixing your flaws.

It’s like fine-tuning a musical instrument – you need it to hit the right notes and have the right configuration but still need it to be the same musical instrument at its core.

Stick to your guns but ensure that you’re working towards something without being stuck in the same place.

If you let a positive metamorphosis happen, you get to emerge as a more capable, competent, mature, and responsible adult that she can fall in love with all over again.

Just make sure that you stay authentic and don’t turn into someone that she can barely recognize.

10. Rebuild Bridges and Connections With Other People

Becoming a healthier person and growing up means making meaningful connections with other people in your life who aren’t just your love interests.

It’s possible that while you were with her, you may have neglected certain people in your life.

You can rebuild bridges with these people and show them how you have also changed.

Interacting and socializing with others gives you the chance to step out of your own head.

You get to be part of the real world while seeing how the positive changes in yourself help you make fruitful friendships and relationships.

11. Learn to Move On if It’s Truly Over

Just as it was important to focus on yourself to become a better version of her that she might want to come back to, it’s also important to understand when she isn’t ready to get back together.

You lost her because you weren’t ready for a relationship, and she may not want to walk down those same roads again.

It doesn’t mean that you failed entirely. It just means that it’s time to move on and come to terms with the fact that it’s truly over between the two of you.

You have still become a better person and you can pat yourself on the back for trying to work it out with her.

You can now face the world with your head held high and without your regrets holding you back.

But if you really want to get your ex back, you’ll need a bit of help.

And the best person to turn to is Brad Browning.

No matter how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good. 

So, if you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice. 

Here’s the link to his free video once again

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers).

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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