Kiran Athar
Being in a loveless relationship can be extremely difficult.
Whether it’s you, your partner, or both of you who have lost feelings, it can be tough to recognize the signs without mistaking them for other common relationship issues.
So, here are 10 warning signs to look out for, so you can make an informed decision for your future.
It might not be an easy read, but it’s worth gaining clarity so you know whether to move forward or keep trying.
1) Lack of communication
Poor communication is usually the first indication that there’s relationship trouble.
And in the case of a loveless relationship, it’s obvious.
You went from talking every chance you got, sharing your dreams, and whispering sweet nothings, to now only discussing transactional, day-to-day essentials.
An even more telling sign is if neither of you can be bothered to even talk anymore.
An issue arises, but you don’t care enough to argue over it, let alone resolve it. A far cry from the passionate fights you once had.
If this is the case, it’s not just love that’s been lost, it’s interest as well.
2) No intimacy
After a lack of communication, intimacy takes the next big hit.
And I’m not talking just about sex. Intimacy on a whole gets put on the back burner, including:
- Holding hands while walking
- Putting your arms around each other
- Stroking or resting your hands on each other
- Kissing to say goodnight or good morning
I hate to say it, but if you don’t remember the last time you did any of these things, it’s another warning sign you’re in a loveless relationship.
You see, intimacy is a big part of a relationship. Sometimes, it’s easier to show our love rather than say it.
So, if you guys are intentionally avoiding each other, with no plans to find the spark again, it could be that the love simply isn’t there anymore…and neither is the attraction.
3) Absence of emotional support
Do you often feel like your partner doesn’t really care about your problems?
Or perhaps you can’t stand listening to them anymore?
When we’re in love, we feel so connected to the other person that we can even feel their pain and sadness. We stay up at night worrying about them.
So if you feel like there’s an absence of emotional support, it’s a sign that your partner (or both of you) have checked out of the relationship.
And if this is the case, you might have noticed that you’ve started seeking support elsewhere; through family or friends.
Your partner isn’t your “go-to” person anymore because the dynamics and feelings in your relationship have changed.
4) Frequent arguments
Conflict is a normal part of any relationship…and if it’s not happening every day, I’d say you probably don’t have much to worry about.
The real warning is if you seem to argue more than talk.
It’s when arguments roll on for days and you can’t remember the last time there was harmony in your relationship.
Now, I’ll be honest, this point can go two ways.
Arguments can happen when you both simply don’t know how to communicate healthily and move forward, together. Couples counseling could help with that.
But, if you feel like there’s a lot of resentment, not much willingness to resolve issues, and threats of breaking up are frequent, this could be a sign that the love has diminished.
5) Lack of shared interests
When we’re in love, we tend to be more accommodating and open-minded to our partner’s interests.
I, for example, don’t enjoy poker but since my husband does, I’ll join in from time to time or encourage him when he plays. He does the same when it comes to watching musicals.
But if neither of you is interested in the other person’s likes and dislikes, it’s a telling sign.
You probably find yourself spending more time alone or with other people…
Eventually, this rift will grow big enough that you won’t remember the last time you went out for dinner together, for a walk, or a weekend away.
The thing to remember is that when you love someone, you crave their company. If that feeling isn’t there anymore, it sounds like you’re both just going through the motions.
6) Avoiding each other
Do you make excuses to avoid being around your partner?
Do you get the feeling they’re doing the same?
This relates back to the last point – if the love has gone, there’s little chance you’ll want to spend time together.
You might be doing this to avoid conflict, but it could also be that you just don’t have much interest in each other anymore.
And if you’re going out of your way not to spend time together, it’s likely you’re also doing the next thing I’m about to mention:
7) No shared plans for the future
Remember when you first met?
How your emotions were flying high and all you wanted to do was spend every day together and make fun, exciting plans for the future?
If that’s changed, it’s another warning sign to look out for.
When the love fades away, it’s natural to stop imagining this person in your future.
You’re both moving in different directions, and you’ll probably hear more, “I’m thinking about…” than, “We should think about…”.
Even when it comes to shorter-term plans like going on holiday, you might find yourself more interested in going with friends than with your partner.
And that’s pretty telling.
8) Feeling lonely
There’s nothing worse than feeling lonely when you’re in the company of someone else.
But I don’t say that to make you feel bad, it’s just a big indicator that you’re perhaps not with the right person anymore.
Feeling lonely comes when:
- There’s a lack of communication and support
- You don’t spend any time together
- There’s no intimacy or personal connection
So even though you might be living in the same house, going to family events, and having dinner together every night, if you feel lonely, it could be because there’s a lack of love.
9) More negative interactions than positive
I’d like to give you a practical task now:
Draw a line down the center of a piece of paper. On one side, I’d like you to write “Happy times” and on the other side of the line, “Sad times”.
Then, set a timeframe. It could be that you look back over the last 3 months, 6 months, or 1 year of your relationship.
Make a list of the good vs the bad.
It’ll become pretty obvious which side comes out strong. And if it’s “Sad times”, there’s clearly an issue going on.
Now, I’m not going to say that it’s definitely because you’re in a loveless relationship.
Sad times can happen even to those who are very much loved up and committed, but who are just experiencing a tough patch.
However, if you have more sad times than happy times AND you also relate to the other points on this list, it’s a pretty clear indication that one or both of you have lost feelings.
10) You feel more stress than happiness
And finally, how do you feel?
Does thinking about your relationship make you anxious, stressed, and tired?
Or does it bring you joy, even if you’re going through a tough time?
If it’s the former option, now is a good time to consider whether it’s worth staying in this relationship.
If after reading all these warning signs, you think it could be an issue such as poor communication, stress from work, or other external factors, I’d recommend you seek professional help.
You can save your relationship if the love is still there.
But if it’s not, I’m afraid you should consider walking away.
Many people stay in loveless relationships simply because they’re comfortable, or afraid of getting back into the dating game or being single.
Ultimately, though, we all deserve love. And it’s far better to be single than with someone and still feel lonely.
So, be brave. You can do this. Work on loving yourself, and one day, the love you deserve will come along.
