12 tips for walking away when he won’t commit (practical guide)

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A healthy relationship requires time, effort, love, and commitment consistently from both parties.

But sometimes, it’s not always the case, and it can be emotionally draining to be with someone who won’t fully commit to you.

Some of his reasons for not taking the leap may be well-intended, but you deserve to be with someone who loves you and treats you the way you want to be treated.

Communication is essential to navigating through times like those, and it’s also important that you don’t lose yourself in the relationship.

Sometimes, his lack of commitment might be the toxic aspect of your life that you need to change to get to a better place, and this starts by understanding when it’s time to walk away.

Here are 12 tips for walking away when he won’t commit to you:

1. Consider the State of the Relationship if You Feel Stuck

The first step to addressing his lack of commitment begins with self-reflection.

Reflect on the relationship’s state and determine if it’s sapping the life out of you.

You shouldn’t feel stuck facing a difficult decision between leaving a man you love or staying with someone who won’t commit to you.

Think about what you want from the relationship before you bring it up with him.

After all, it will be difficult to communicate them to him if you aren’t clear about your needs.

Analyze whether he’s treating you right and make sure you know your self-worth.

Once you know what you want, you can start discussing it with him.

2. Have Open Conversations With Him

Having frank, open conversations with him is a crucial part of solving his commitment issues.

Make sure that you’re being heard during these conversations.

Try to refrain from judging him or being confrontational with him, as this may cause him to become defensive and these conversations can quickly devolve into shouting matches.

The timing of these conversations is just as important. Pick a time and place where both of you’re in a cheerful mood.

Tell him that you would appreciate it if he could really commit to you and that you understand that he might not be ready yet but you can’t be hanging onto something alone.

Tell him that his reasons may be legitimate but so is your feeling insecure being in a relationship with someone who isn’t committed yet.

Once you feel confident that both sides have voiced out where they stand, you’ll know whether the relationship will get better or worse.

3. Make It Clear to Him That Commitment Isn’t a Lack of Independence

Sometimes guys think that committing to someone too soon means depriving them of their independence.

He may have goals and ambitions that he wants to achieve but feels like he may become completely reliant on you if he truly commits to you.

Give him the assurance that you’re not here to take away his independence, control his life or deter him from his goals.

Let him know that you love him and want to share a life with him where the two of you can grow together.

It might even be worth considering if you have infringed on his individuality in the course of the relationship and give him the space he wants to show that you do want the relationship to work.

4. Make Sure You’ve Triggered His Hero Instinct

Before you walk away, you must have made this man feel admired and respected.

After all, the main reason he might not commit to you is that you haven’t awakened the inner drive that exists in all men.

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you. 

Click here to watch the free video.

5. Let Him Know That You’re Prepared to Walk Away

If you feel he isn’t ready to commit to you even after letting him know how you feel and understanding how he feels, it may be time to give him an ultimatum.

Let him know that you’re more than prepared to walk away from him if something doesn’t change.

He must understand that losing you is a real possibility and that it isn’t fair on his part to keep stringing you along.

You shouldn’t be the only one carrying the weight of the relationship because it should be an equal partnership.

It’s also a way to remind yourself that you aren’t dependent on him and that it’s about time he respects your commitment to him by reciprocating your efforts.

At any rate, you can’t be his crutch if he won’t hold on to you with both hands, and the ultimatum of you potentially leaving him may help him realize that he can’t afford to lose you.

6. Give Him the Time and Space to Process the Relationship

Once you have shown your cards, give him the time and space to process all the conversations.

Let him reflect on where the two of you’re as a couple and where the two of you might be heading.

He might need a little time to get his life to truly commit to you.

Don’t bring it up with him for a few days and let him think things through on his own time.

Understand that you want him to choose you but without feeling pressured to do so.

Only then can the two of you take the relationship to the next level.

7. Clearly Define Your Boundaries

During the time you have given him to come back to you with a solution, make sure that you clearly define your boundaries.

It’s important that he understands that you won’t be taken for granted and that he can’t enjoy the benefits of a committed relationship with you without him committing.

If he wants to date around or “just keep it casual, ” then tell him that you can’t act like his girlfriend.

Maybe even try to make him jealous by telling him you’re ready to date other guys since it’s only casual.

Stop yourself from giving him VIP boyfriend treatment in your life until he has made up his mind on whether he’s ready to commit to you or not.

8. What Would a Relationship Expert Say?

While this article explores what you need to know before walking away, speaking to a relationship coach about your situation can be helpful.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated love situations, like walking away from a guy who won’t commit. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to get started.

9. Identify the Red Flags of the Relationship

The worst thing you can do yourself when he doesn’t commit to you is to make excuses for his actions.

He will understand that your feelings and emotions are valued if he loves you. He should understand that taking your presence in his life for granted is not cool.

If you spot any other red flags, then note that it’s time to run in the opposite direction.

You deserve someone better than a man who refuses to change or commit to you.

Don’t tell yourself that he loves you if he isn’t ready to tell you those words.

Try to figure out if he’s genuinely under a lot of pressure or if he is trying to sabotage the relationship on purpose.

Never settle for him if he treats you in any way less than you deserve.

10. Have a Last Discussion With Him About His Thoughts for the Future

After trying every trick in the book, have one last discussion with him.

This time observe if anything has changed since the last time.

The topic of the discussion should be about your future, his future, and the relationship’s future.

It might be a sign that despite everything that has transpired, he isn’t ready to commit if he can’t give you a straight answer about the future.

He may fumble over his words or find himself giving you poorly articulated and vague replies to your questions.

This indecisive tone means he would rather keep his options open and see where the two of you’re headed rather than walk every step of that long road with you.

It’s no use fighting with someone who won’t stand up for the notion of “us”.

Ask yourself if he and the relationship are worth it before making your final decision.

If you want some advice on how to have this discussion, watch Hack Spirit senior editor Justin Brown’s video on the topic below.

11. Walk Away if He Continues to Give You Mixed Signals

Mixed signals are never a good sign, especially when the two of you’re going through a rough patch due to his commitment issues.

It may feel like things are peachy when they’re going well, but then it could flip at any moment, and you may find yourself in the same spot where they left you a week ago.

It may be that he’s trying to grab your attention by making you jump through hoops just so that you will give him all the attention he wants without him needing to give you any.

This is a sign of a toxic relationship, and it may be time to walk away.

12. Prioritize Yourself After Walking Away

People often lose themselves when focusing on their partner and the relationship.

If he isn’t ready to commit to you, you may have neglected yourself during that time.

Take the time away from him to focus on yourself and your happiness. It can be time to invest in discovering yourself, knowing your self-worth, and improving yourself.

Whether the two of you plan to get back together or not, you must have clarity about what you want from your future relationships.

Take the time to know yourself to know what kind of partner or emotional support you’re seeking. This will put you on track to finding the right partner who matches your treatment requirements.

By now you should have a better idea of why and how to walk away from a guy who won’t commit. 

So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you. 

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier. By appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today. 

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge,be sure to check out the video now. 

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again. 


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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