9 valid reasons why you should never trust someone who’s too nice

It’s a sad truth about life – being “nice” doesn’t always equate to being a good person. 

Unfortunately, most of us learn this the hard way. I’ve suffered at the hands of nice people more than mean people – why?

Because they’re better at disguising their true intentions. 

That’s just one valid reason why you should never trust someone who’s too nice, let’s explore that in a bit more detail alongside a few other points to consider: 

1) They could have an ulterior motive 

This is where I’ve tripped up the most – trusting someone because they seem lovely, without really questioning why they’re being so nice. 

I took it at face value, and you have probably fallen for this too. 

You see, when someone goes above and beyond to do things for you, it could be an attempt to gain your trust. 

Unfortunately, my clearest memory of this actually came from an older cousin. At some point in our childhood, she started getting really friendly with me. 

My young impressionable mind thought it was great. Until she started asking questions about other family members. 

Turns out, she was only being nice to get gossip out of me. Information that she then spread across the whole family. And guess what, I ended up looking like the bad guy! 

So, be cautious when someone suddenly turns on the niceness – it may not always be genuine. 

2) They might have a martyr complex 

Also known as the victim complex. This is where people act nice but in reality, they just want to gain sympathy. 

“Why do bad things happen to good people,”  is a line you’ll hear them cry whenever something doesn’t go their way. 

People like this know that it’s much easier to gain sympathy by playing the “hero”, always doing stuff for others and putting themselves on the backbench. 

What’s worse is that sometimes it’s not just sympathy they want, but control. 

Let that sink in…

When someone is overly nice, they also know it’s hard for you to say no or deny them what they want. 

After all, you might think, “Well, they’re always doing so much for others…” and BOOM. 

They’ve got you right where they want you.

3) They’re probably being inauthentic 

Another reason why you should never trust someone who’s too nice is that they could be suppressing their genuine feelings. 

For example, my friend often complains about her boyfriend in regard to this. For privacy purposes, we’ll call him Jerry. 

Jerry is a super nice guy. But he agrees with everything. Even if deep down he feels the opposite.

For my friend, this can be so frustrating. She’ll ask, “Do you want to play tennis later?” and of course, he’ll say yes. 

But once they get down to the court, she’ll notice his heart really isn’t in it. After pressing him about it, he’ll finally give in and say, “I have so much work to do, I didn’t want to play tennis in the first place.” 

You see, his niceness actually ends up causing more tension later down the line, simply because he isn’t honest about his feelings from the get-go. 

I suspect he suffers from the next point:

4) They’re people pleasers 

In the case of Jerry, it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t like rocking the boat. He goes with whatever the group suggests, whether it’s where to eat, what to do, who to support politically, and so on. 

In other words, he’s a people pleaser.

Now, I’m not trying to imply that all people pleasers are malicious or out to hurt you with their kindness. 

Not at all – but there’s still reason to be cautious. 

When dealing with people pleasers, first of all, it’s hard to know how they really feel, as I explained in the previous point. This can lead to distrust and frustration in a friendship or relationship. 

Secondly, people pleasers tend to overpromise. They’ll agree to everything you need because they don’t want to disappoint you, but ultimately, they can’t fulfill all those promises. 

So you’ll often find yourself left in the lurch. None of this constitutes a healthy relationship. 

5) They won’t always tell you the truth 

Think back to a time when you really needed to hear the truth. It might have been about an essay you’re submitting for college, or an outfit before you go on a big date. 

Did you ask your nicest friend or the friend who you know will be blunt, upfront, and honest? 

My guess is the latter. 

You see, when people are too nice, it can stop them from giving an honest opinion. 

I had a coworker like this once. I knew I needed to improve my work, but every time I asked her for feedback, she’d say everything was fine. 

She didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but indirectly, it resulted in me not progressing or learning as much as I could have. 

6) They’re trying to avoid conflict 

Conflict is a scary word, right? 

I think most of us have tried to avoid it at one point or another. But we realize later down the line that sweeping an issue under the rug isn’t healthy. 

So we learn how to deal with conflict in a calm, mature way (that’s the goal, anyway). 

But overly nice people may avoid arguments or disagreements full stop. 

And boy can this cause issues! 

Not only can it lead to resentment, but nothing ever gets out in the open. 

I’ve had this issue with family members before – desperately trying to resolve a problem, while they act like everything is fine, we’re all one big happy family! 

When that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

That’s another reason I don’t trust people who are too nice. With or without malicious intent, the relationships always somehow end up strained and tense.

7) They might be masking their true personality 

When I moved to this area, I met a girl who we’ll call Olive. She seemed really nice to start with. 

But there was always something “off” about her. I noticed it after a few weeks of hanging out. She was kind to me, but there were hints of passive-aggressiveness. 

If I didn’t reply to a text straight away, when I would eventually get in touch she’d reply with, “Oh, I guess you’re too busy to bother checking your messages. No worries, I was just worried about you and checking how your day is going!”

How jarring is that? 

On one hand, I’m being shamed for not replying instantly. On the other hand, she’s apparently worried and concerned about me. 

Ultimately, the friendship didn’t last as more and more of her true colors showed. 

So, folks, if you come across someone who is very nice, but your gut tells you otherwise, listen to it. I wish I’d trusted mine sooner. 

8) They could be manipulative 

I’ve already touched on control earlier on, which falls under the umbrella of manipulation.

But let’s look into this a bit further:

When someone is too nice, it could be that they’re simply putting on an act to get what they want. 

I’ve seen this quite often; when in a restaurant, a diner will flash their pearly whites, and ask the waiter how their shift is going, only to roll their eyes the moment the waiter’s back is turned. 

They’re being nice so they receive good service. Not because they’re genuine. 

Other examples include:

• Guilt tripping, like my ex-friend Olive used to do. 
• Showing faux concern – this is just another way to get information or gossip from you.
• Emotional blackmail – “If you really valued our friendship, you’d do this for me.”
• Always agreeing – only to later use it against you. “I’ve always supported you, why don’t you do the same for me?” 

Ultimately, it’s hard to know where you really stand with people like this. Their niceness throws off your red-flag radar, often until it’s too late. 

9) They tend to suppress other “human” emotions 

I’m just going to say it – it’s not normal or healthy to always be nice! 

Either it’s a sign that someone doesn’t have boundaries in place, or that they’re people-pleasing…or manipulative. 

In all scenarios, it’s not good. 

We should feel anger, fear, and envy. We should have bad days as well as good days. And we shouldn’t suppress those other emotions. 

Because that’s what makes us human. 

So when someone is ALWAYS too nice, it makes me nervous. What are they hiding within? What grudges are they holding that we don’t know about? 

It’s a bit freaky when you think of it like that! 

So, there we have it, 9 valid reasons why you should never trust someone who’s too nice. 

Remember – not everyone who is nice is like this. 

Some people are genuine and trustworthy. The aim of this article is to help you identify those with ulterior motives or unhealthy tendencies so you can better protect yourself.