If someone uses these 10 phrases, they lack emotional intelligence

Ever met someone who just gets people?

Who knows exactly what to say, when to say it, and how?

That’s emotional intelligence (EQ) at work right there.

EQ is all about understanding and managing our feelings, and using this knowledge to deal with life in a cool, calm way.

One easy way to spot these EQ superstars? Listen to what they don’t say. They know that words are powerful and can make a big difference in how people feel.

So, without further ado, here are 10 things you’ll never hear from people with high emotional intelligence.

1. “I don’t care.”

This short phrase might seem harmless or even honest, but it’s a no-go area for people with high emotional intelligence.

When someone opens up about their feelings or shares a personal experience, responding with “I don’t care” can come off as dismissive or even rude.

Emotionally intelligent people understand the value of empathy and respect.

They know everyone’s feelings are important and deserve to be acknowledged, regardless of whether they can relate to them or not.

Instead of saying “I don’t care”, they’re more likely to respond with something like “I understand how you might feel that way” or “Tell me more about why you’re feeling this way”.

This shows they’re interested and willing to understand the other person’s perspective, even if they don’t necessarily agree with it.

Remember, it’s not about agreeing all the time, it’s about creating an environment where everyone feels heard and valued.

So the next time you’re tempted to say “I don’t care,” take a page from the high EQ playbook and show a little understanding instead.

2. “You’re too sensitive.”

This is another phrase that people with high emotional intelligence tend to avoid.

It’s a statement that can be hurtful and dismissive, suggesting that the person’s feelings are overblown or not valid.

People with high EQ understand that we all have different emotional levels.

What might seem like a small deal to one person could be a big deal to another.

They respect these differences and never belittle someone for feeling the way they do.

Instead, emotionally intelligent people might say something like “I see this situation differently, but I understand that it’s really affecting you.”

This kind of response shows empathy and respect for the other person’s feelings, without making them feel guilty or silly for having them.

So, keep in mind, calling someone ‘too sensitive’ can feel dismissive.

It’s always better to try and understand where they’re coming from and validate their feelings instead.

3. “That’s not my problem.”

As someone with a high EQ, I can tell you that this phrase is not a part of my vocabulary.

I believe that we’re all in this world together, and helping each other out is a big part of what makes us human.

I remember this one time when a colleague was struggling with a project that wasn’t directly related to my work.

I could have easily said, “That’s not my problem,” and carried on with my own tasks.

But instead, I offered to help them brainstorm solutions and manage their workload.

Why did I do this?

Because people with high emotional intelligence understand the importance of empathy and kindness.

We might not be able to solve everyone’s problems, but we can at least lend an ear, offer advice, or assist where we can.

By saying “Let me see how I can help,” instead of “That’s not my problem,” we nurture positive relationships and create a supportive environment for everyone around us.

So remember, when someone is in a bind, see if there’s a way you can lend a hand instead of dismissing their concerns.

4. “I know it all.”

People with high EQ steer clear of this phrase, because they understand the value of continuous learning and humility.

They know they don’t have all the answers, and they’re open to gaining new insights from others.

According to the Dunning-Kruger effect, people who lack knowledge in a particular area often overestimate their own abilities. 

On the flip side, those who are highly competent often underestimate their abilities.

This concept aligns perfectly with high EQ individuals.

They recognize that their knowledge and understanding is ever-evolving, and there’s always room to learn more.

Instead of claiming to know it all, they’re more likely to say something like “I know a lot about this, but I’d love to hear your perspective too.”

This shows they value other people’s opinions and are open to expanding their own knowledge.

5. “You’re wrong.”

This is a phrase that you won’t hear from someone with high emotional intelligence.

They understand that conversations and discussions are not about winning or losing, but about mutual understanding and respect.

Instead of outrightly saying “you’re wrong”, people with high EQ take a more compassionate approach.

They might say, “I can see where you’re coming from, but have you considered this…”

This way, they gently introduce a different perspective without dismissing the other person’s viewpoint.

Remember, everyone has their own unique experiences and perspectives that shape their ideas.

It’s important to approach each conversation with an open heart and mind.

We’re all on this journey of life together, learning and growing every day.

The beauty lies in our ability to share our thoughts and ideas with others, learn from their experiences, and broaden our own understanding.

So if you’re in a conversation, remember it’s not about proving who’s right or wrong. It’s about understanding and learning from each other.

6. “It’s all your fault.”

As someone with high EQ, I know that blaming others is not the solution to any problem.

In fact, I’ve learned that taking responsibility for my own actions and understanding my role in a situation is far more productive and healthy.

I remember a situation at work where a project I was leading didn’t meet its deadline.

It would have been easy to say, “It’s all your fault” to my team members, but that wouldn’t have been fair or true.

As the leader, I was responsible for managing the project and ensuring everything went smoothly.

Instead of playing the blame game, I acknowledged my part in what happened: “I realize I could have delegated tasks better and monitored progress more closely.

I’ll make sure to improve on this for our future projects.”

By doing this, I not only took responsibility but also turned the situation into a learning experience for me and my team.

This is what high EQ individuals do: they own up to their mistakes, they learn from them, and they use these learnings to grow and improve.

7. “I’m always right.”

Let’s be real, we’ve all met that person who thinks they’re never wrong. And let’s be honest, it’s not a great look.

For people with high EQ, this phrase just doesn’t exist in their vocabulary.

Why? Because they’re not afraid to admit they’re wrong. They know they’re human and they make mistakes just like everyone else.

They understand that being wrong sometimes doesn’t make them any less smart or capable.

In fact, it makes them more relatable and trustworthy.

Emotionally intelligent people are big on learning and growing.

And guess what?

You can’t do that if you think you’re always right.

It’s in our mistakes and missteps that we find our biggest lessons.

So, next time you catch yourself about to say “I’m always right,” take a step back and ask yourself if that’s really true.

We all have room to learn and grow, and acknowledging when we’re wrong is a massive part of that journey.

8. “It’s not fair.”

People with high emotional intelligence avoid this phrase because they understand that life is full of ups and downs.

They don’t waste time complaining about the unfairness of a situation, but rather focus on finding solutions or learning from the experience.

According to research by psychologist Carol Dweck, people with a “growth mindset” – those who believe they can learn and improve over time – are more likely to embrace challenges, persevere in the face of setbacks, and view effort as the path to mastery.

This aligns perfectly with the mindset of high EQ individuals.

Instead of saying “it’s not fair,” they’re more likely to ask “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I improve this situation?”

This approach helps them turn challenges into opportunities for growth and development.

So, remember, life might not always seem fair, but how we respond to these situations can make all the difference.

Instead of dwelling on the unfairness, try to focus on finding a solution or learning something valuable from the experience.

9. “I can’t.”

As someone with high EQ, I make it a point to avoid saying “I can’t”.

While we all face challenges and obstacles, I believe it’s essential to maintain a positive mindset and believe in our abilities.

I recall a time when I was given a challenging project at work. It was something I had never done before, and initially, it felt like an uphill task.

The words “I can’t” almost slipped out of my mouth.

But then, I reminded myself of the importance of having a positive attitude and giving things a try.

Instead of saying “I can’t,” I said, “It’s a challenge, but I’ll do my best.”

And guess what?

With some hard work, determination, and a little help from my colleagues, I was able to complete the project successfully.

This experience reaffirmed my belief that saying “I can” instead of “I can’t” can make a world of difference.

It’s not about succeeding every time; it’s about having the willingness to try and give it your best shot.

So next time you’re faced with a challenge, remind yourself that you’re capable of more than you think.

10. “You make me feel…”

Let’s be honest, it’s easy to pin our emotions on others.

It’s easy to say, “You make me feel so mad,” or “You’re making me upset.”

But here’s the hard truth: no one can make us feel anything – our emotions come from within us.

People with high emotional intelligence get this.

They know that while others’ actions can trigger certain responses, at the end of the day, they’re in charge of their own feelings and reactions.

They understand that it’s not about what happens to them, but how they respond to what happens to them.

So instead of saying “You make me feel…”, they might say, “When this happened, I felt…”

This way, they’re taking ownership of their emotions and reactions.

Remember, it’s empowering to take control of our feelings and responses.

It allows us to navigate through life’s ups and downs with more grace and resilience.

So when you’re about to say “You make me feel…”, pause for a moment and consider how you might rephrase that to take ownership of your feelings.


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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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