7 unspoken rules of friendships that stand the test of time

Friendships have unspoken rules.

These unspoken rules separate casual relationships from friendships that have stood the test of time.

Not just any rules, these have been tried, tested, and proven to uphold friendships for years on end. 

So why not share them with you?

Read on for the rules that make friendships able to weather life’s storms. 

1) Consistency is key

In the realm of long-lasting friendships, there’s a principle that’s as crucial as it is understated.

Enter the rule of consistency.

Consistency, in this context, doesn’t mean being boring or predictable. Instead, it’s about being a reliable friend, someone who’s there for the ups and downs, year after year.

You see, true friendships aren’t built on sporadic interactions or fleeting moments of connection. They’re built on a steady stream of shared experiences, common goals, and the comforting assurance that you’ll always be there for each other.

It’s the unspoken promise that no matter what life throws at you, you can count on each other to show up.

If you’re looking to strengthen your friendships and make them stand the test of time, start by being a consistent friend. Show up. Be present. And above all else – be reliable. This unspoken rule is what separates casual acquaintances from lifelong friends.

Keep in mind, consistency is not about grand gestures or dramatic declarations. It’s about showing up, day after day, in both the big moments and the small ones. That’s the first rule of friendships that stand the test of time.

2) Silence isn’t always a bad thing

Now, here’s a rule that might surprise you. It’s not about constant communication or being in each other’s pockets 24/7. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

Embrace the silence.

You see, in enduring friendships, comfortable silence is not just accepted – it’s cherished. Yes, regular communication is vital, but so is the ability to sit in silence without it being awkward.

The beauty of these long-lasting friendships is that they don’t require constant chatter or interaction to sustain them. A true friend understands that silence isn’t a sign of disinterest or neglect; instead, it’s an acknowledgment of mutual comfort and trust.

The next time you’re with your friend and there’s a lull in the conversation, don’t rush to fill it. Let it be. Enjoy the shared silence and the comfort it brings. It’s a sign of a friendship that’s matured and stood the test of time.

Don’t be afraid of silence; embrace it as an integral part of your friendship journey.

3) Boundaries are essential

Now, let’s talk about a rule that might not seem obvious at first but is absolutely vital – the importance of boundaries.

In my experience, friendships that last are those where both parties respect each other’s boundaries. These boundaries might be about personal space, time, or emotional capacity. Respecting them shows you value the other person’s autonomy and individuality.

I delve deeper into this in my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. Although primarily about romantic relationships, the principles apply to friendships too.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re pushing your friend away. Quite the opposite. It’s about creating a healthy space for your relationship to grow without codependency.

So, in your journey to build friendships that stand the test of time, don’t forget to establish and respect boundaries. They’re not just for romantic relationships – they’re essential for friendships too.

4) Empathy is not optional

One rule that’s close to my heart and absolutely non-negotiable in long-lasting friendships is empathy.

It’s the ability to step into someone else’s shoes, to understand and share their feelings. It’s more than just sympathy; it’s about feeling with your friend, not just for them.

In the wise words of American author and poet, Maya Angelou: “I think we all have empathy. We may not have enough courage to display it.”

Empathy builds bridges, it deepens bonds, and it fosters understanding. It’s the glue that holds friendships together during challenging times.

In your quest for enduring friendships, make empathy a priority. Be there for your friends, both in their joy and their pain. Reflect on their feelings and share in their experiences.

Remember, a friend who truly empathizes is a friend indeed.

5) Honesty is the best policy

Here’s another rule that I hold dear in my personal friendships. It’s simple, it’s timeless, and it can’t be overstated – honesty.

In any friendship worth its salt, honesty should never be optional. It’s the bedrock on which trust is built, and without trust, a friendship can’t stand the test of time.

Trust me, I’ve learned this lesson the hard way.

Being honest doesn’t mean being brutally blunt or insensitive. It’s about being truthful in a kind and respectful way. It’s about having those difficult conversations when they’re needed, and owning up to your mistakes when you’re in the wrong.

Try not to forget, if you want a friendship to endure, always choose to be honest. It might not always be easy, but it will always be worth it.

6) Forgiveness is freedom

Now, here’s a rule that can be tough to follow but is absolutely essential – forgiveness.

As humans, we’re all bound to make mistakes. It’s part of our nature. But what truly matters is how we handle those mistakes – both ours and those of our friends.

Nelson Mandela once said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” This couldn’t be truer when it comes to friendships.

In my own life, I’ve found that holding onto grudges only breeds bitterness and resentment. It’s a heavy burden to carry. True freedom lies in forgiveness. It allows us to let go of the past and look forward to the future.

And, if you want your friendships to last, learn to forgive. It’s not about forgetting or condoning the mistake. It’s about freeing yourself from the burden of resentment.

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7) It’s okay to let go

Finally, here’s a rule that’s perhaps the hardest to swallow – sometimes, it’s okay to let go.

No one wants to think about the end of a friendship. It’s painful. It’s sad. But the truth is, not all friendships are meant to stand the test of time.

Some friendships serve a purpose for a particular time in our lives, and when that time passes, it’s okay to move on. It doesn’t mean you failed or that the friendship wasn’t meaningful. It simply means you’re growing, and sometimes, growth involves letting go.

Be kind to yourself. Cherish the memories, learn from the experiences, and don’t be afraid to say goodbye when it’s time. Remember, every ending is also a new beginning.

Embracing the journey

Friendship is a journey, not a destination, filled with moments that shape us and people who change us. The connections we build throughout this journey are rooted in shared experiences, mutual respect, and a deep understanding of each other’s boundaries.

These ‘unspoken rules’ we’ve discussed aren’t just about maintaining friendships, but about fostering a deeper connection with those we care about. They’re about nurturing mutual growth, embracing change, and acknowledging that sometimes, it’s okay to let go.

The complexities of friendship often mirror the complexities of life itself. But remember, even in the face of challenges or misunderstandings, the core principles always hold true – honesty, empathy, forgiveness, and mutual respect.

In the spirit of furthering this discussion and diving deeper into the complexities of relationships, I’d like to share a video by Justin Brown. He discusses the importance of embracing life’s challenges rather than constantly pursuing happiness.

This insight aligns with our discussion about enduring friendships and how they often involve embracing difficult conversations and navigating through tough times together.

Life is full of unexpected turns, and friendships are no different. But if we stick to these unspoken rules and learn to navigate through this journey with grace and understanding, we can cultivate friendships that stand the test of time.

Until next time,
Tina Fey