Humans can be thick sometimes. We miss the mark in a lot of ways. People can be all but yelling I love you at us and we’d still miss the cues right in front of us.
Attraction can catch us off guard sometimes, especially when someone we know well declares their love for us.
It’s something we all want, but it’s not always as romantic or welcomed as we might imagine.
Attraction scares us and keeps us from actually making a move in the world of love.
If you think someone might be crushing on you, but you aren’t sure, here’s a list of ways to tell.
What you do with this information is up to you. If it were us, we’d make a move. What’s the worst that could happen? You might just fall in love.
So without further ado, here are 20 surefire signs of attraction:
1) They don’t stop looking at you.
It’s not just you: they can’t take their eyes off you. They stare at you so much, it might make you uncomfortable, but that’s just because you are not used to that kind of attention.
Enjoy it. If they are looking at you with love in their eyes, it’s a good feeling.
If you catch them staring at you, they might look away, suddenly embarrassed at the realization that they have been burning at the hole through you for minutes at a time, but they won’t wait long before looking back. And when they do, it’s a good thing.
It’s commonly known that people often touch the person they are attracted to.
According to behavior analyst Jack Schafer, there’s a technique you can use to see if they are really looking at you because they like you:
“You can increase mutual gaze by maintaining eye contact as you turn your head to break the gaze; the other person does not perceive your extended gaze as staring because your head is turning. If the person you are with maintains eye contact, they like you.”
2) They touch your arm or shoulder or back repeatedly.
Whenever you are around this person, they make a repeated effort to be near you, touching you in some way. They want to feel you and connect with you. It’s interesting how our bodies seem to take over and we are attracted to someone.
According to behavior analyst Jack Schafer, “women may lightly touch the arm of the person they are talking to. This light touch is not an invitation to a sexual encounter; it merely indicates she likes you.”
According to research touch plays a vital role in human connections. It promotes the release of oxytocin, the love hormone.
According to Matt Hertenstein, an experimental psychologist at DePauw University in Indiana:
“Oxytocin is a neuropeptide, which basically promotes feelings of devotion, trust, and bonding. It really lays the biological foundation and structure for connecting to other people”
Watch and see how their body gives away their attraction. They’ll reach out and touch your hand, brush your hair away, or slap your arm while laughing – anything to be near you.
Here’s a great example of touching that someone might do if they if someone likes you:
“If you walk near each other, he’ll place his hand near the small of your back to guide you through a noisy party or bar. Plus, he wants to show all the other men that he’s got this. Plus, it’s a reason to touch you and seem like a gentleman all at the same time.”
3) They laugh with you.
Speaking of laughing, you’ll find that someone who is attracted to you will laugh louder, longer and more frequently than others in the room.
You might not be funny at all, but this person will see all the funny things about you. It might seem like they are making fun of you at first, which doesn’t feel great, but you’ll soon realize that they are just trying to find a way to connect with you and maybe it’s coming out all wrong.
QUIZ: “Does he like me?” Every woman has asked this question at least once about a guy. I’ve put together a fun quiz to help you figure out whether he likes you. Take my quiz here.
4) They lean in.
Nothing gives away a sign of attraction like leaning in. If you are talking and your love interest leans in to say something, trust that it’s not just because the music is bumpin’.
They want to be near you. This is how the body relates in the world: touch. It might seem overwhelming, but once you recognize that they aren’t just a close-talker, but a love interest, your point of view will change and you’ll become comfortable with them around you.
According to this research, proximity is important when it comes to relationship formation.
Needless to say, you only get near to people you want to form a relationship with, either platonic or romantic in form.
5) He feels like a hero
Even if two people are just friends now, does the guy feel needed? Is he allowed to step up to the plate for her? Does she let him provide for and protect her (in both little and big ways)?
Then chances are he’s going to like her a lot.
There’s a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. It claims that men are much more likely to fall in love with women who make them feel like a hero.
People are calling it the ‘hero instinct’.
The simple truth is that men have a biological urge to provide for and protect women. It’s hardwired into them.
By making a guy feel like a hero, it unleashes his protective instincts and the most noble aspect of his masculinity. Most importantly, it will unleash his deepest feelings of attraction.
And the kicker?
A man won’t fall for a woman until this thirst is satisfied.
I know it sounds kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.
The hero instinct is a legitimate concept in relationship psychology that I personally believe has a lot of truth to it.
And there’s an art to making a man feel like a hero.
There are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to trigger his hero instinct.
To learn more about these emotional trigger points, check out this free online video by James Bauer. He is the relationship psychologist who first introduced the hero instinct concept.
Some ideas really are life-changing. And for romantic relationships, I think this is one of them.
6) They keep fixing their hair and clothes.
Anyone who is trying to get your attention is going to be moving a mile-a-minute in their seat trying to ensure that their hair and clothes look presentable.
Whether they realize it or not, you can see how they feel by the number of times they fix their hair or check their shirt.
They’ll reposition themselves several times in their chair, especially as you approach them.
It’s really like it is in the movies: picture a young, nervous man in a bar being approached by a beautiful, confident woman.
Exactly like that. Which one you are in this story doesn’t matter, just watch for the signs.
7) They flirt.
Wondering if someone is attracted to you? Follow the words. If someone is flirting with you, it’s because they like you.
We’re not in the business of wasting anyone’s time these days. In a flash, you can have a partner with an app like Tinder, so if someone is taking the time to flirt with you instead of just hauling options out of their smartphone, it’s real.
8) They single you out in a crowd.
You might be one person in a room out of a million, but to this person, you are the only person in the room. Their gaze could cut through the crowd and find you.
You notice they stare a lot, but this is intense. They might not even realize they are doing it. When you approach them, they can’t look away.
They want to, but their eyes win that war. They love what they see.
According to Jack Schafer Ph.D. in Psychology Today, not only will you have their attention, but they’ll also remove barriers between the two of you:
“People who like each remove any obstacles between them. People who don’t like the person they are with often place barriers between themselves and the person they don’t like.”
9) They pay attention to the details.
Someone loves you when they pay attention to the little things. If they’ve ever given you a gift just because or thought of you and sent you a text about something you said or did, it’s love.
We’re all so busy we don’t have time to connect with people in our lives on a meaningful level.
If this person is going out of their way to tell you things and recalls important details, it’s because they love you. Whether they realize it or not.
Research from Loyola University suggests that people who are in love have lower levels of serotonin, which could be a sign of obsession.
“This may explain why we concentrate on little other than our partner during the early stages of a relationship,” said obstetrician-gynecologist Mary Lynn, DO, in a news release.
RELATED: 3 ways to make a man addicted to you
10) You get to meet their people.
Someone loves you when they introduce you to their family, friends and circle. Whether it’s 5 people or 500 people, when you are introduced, it’s because they think you are special.
They want others to associated you with them and vice versa.
They might not have asked you out yet, or told you how they feel, but if you are being paraded in front of family as a friend, it’s more than just friendship.
They see a future with you, now or later, and want others to know about you.
And this makes sense. When someone is in love, they can’t stop thinking about that person, so it’s likely they’ll talk about them to their friends.
In the book “The Anatomy of Love,” by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, she says that “thoughts of the ‘love object’ begin to invade your mind. …You wonder what your beloved would think of the book you are reading, the movie you just saw, or the problem you are facing at the office.”
11) They are using the same body language and words as you
If it suddenly feels like you are looking in a mirror when you are talking to someone, there’s a good chance they are not doing that on purpose.
When people like and connect with one another, they subconsciously start to act like them. Sitting in the same position, taking on the same posture, and even quickly adopting the same language and word usage.
All of these mirroring acts mean that the person you are talking to likes you – it doesn’t always mean they like you romantically of course, but it could be.
If they “see themselves” in your actions, it could be for real.
This is actually rooted in the brain’s Mirror Neuron System.
This network of the brain is the social glue that binds people together.
A greater level of activation of the Mirror Neuron System is associated with liking and cooperation.
(The hero instinct is a fascinating new concept in dating. Learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy here).
12) Their pupils dilate
This is a great sign to look for as it’s something we can’t control.
Research from the University of Kent found that eye dilation happens when you’re looking at someone or something you’re attracted to.
Our eyes dilate to take in more of the pleasing surroundings.
Interestingly, the research found that you need a lower level of arousal for your pupils to dilate than you would for other physiology measures. So the eyes really can give them away.
Make sure you check their pupils in constant, standard level light to work out if they’re bigger than average.
“DOES HE LIKE ME?” QUIZ: If you don’t know whether a guy likes you, you need real and honest advice. My new quiz will help you figure it out. Take the quiz here.
13) They’re nervous around you
If they like you, and they don’t really know you, then they’re likely to get nervous around you.
After all, they’re feeling the pressure of making a good impression.
According to Business Insider, there are six signs to look for to tell if someone is nervous: –
1) They touch their face: This can include rubbing their forehead, pushing their cheek and squeezing their face.
2) They compress their lips.
3) They play with their hair: This is a stress-reducing behavior.
4) They blink more frequently: Eye-blink rate increases when someone is nervous.
5) They contort and rub their hands together.
6) They yawn excessively: Yawning helps regulate our body temperature (the brain gets warmer when we’re stressed).
So if they are showing these signs around you, they might be nervous because they like you. You’ll also want to get a baseline of how they act around other people, too.
14) Their feet are pointing towards you
“When the feet are pointed directly toward another person, this is a sign of attraction, or at the very least, genuine interest.” – Vanessa Van Edwards in Huffington Post
This is because humans aren’t really conscious of what our feet are doing.
Watch out for:
– If their feet are pointing towards you, that’s a really good sign.
– If they are pointing completely away from you, or to the door, then they may not be interested.
– If they have their feet under them when they are sitting or their legs tightly crossed, they may be nervous or uncomfortable around you.
– People who sit with their feet away from their bodies may be relaxed when they’re around you. This is a great sign that they are comfortable spending time with you.
15) He feels essential
For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.
Don’t get me wrong, guys love strength and independence in a women. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!
This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept above.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in a woman unless she gives him a sense of meaning and purpose and makes him feel essential.
How do you trigger this instinct in him, and give him this sense of meaning and purpose?
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
16) They blush around you
Blushing is when they develop a pink tinge in the face from embarrassment or shame.
It’s common to blush when you get an unexpected compliment, or you like someone.
When you are attracted to someone, blood will flow to our face, causing our cheeks to get red.
According to behavioral investigator Vanessa Van Edwards in Huffington Post, “this actually mimics the orgasm effect where we get flushed. It’s an evolutionary process to attract the opposite sex”.
So if you find that they blush when they’re around you, then it’s a good sign that they like you.
However, make sure they don’t easily blush around other people as well.
17) They preen themselves around you
What is preening? This is basically the act of “fixing yourself” in certain ways.
It could be adjusting your clothes, running your fingers through her hair, or putting lip gloss on.
The reason they naturally preen themselves when they’re around you is that they want to look better when they’re around you. It can also be put down to nerves. People are naturally fidgety when they’re anxious and nervous.
According to a study by Monica M. Moore, preening, primping and pouting are things women do when they’re attracted to a man in their vicinity.
Men also do it, too, when they are around a female or male they like.
Here’s a 20-second example of preening – though it’s slightly exaggerated – people will usually be a little more subtle unless they’re incredibly direct.
18) The space between you and her is open
According to the Science of People, blocking is a form of nonverbal communication. It is when a
person covers their body with a purse or anything if they feel uncomfortable.
But when someone is attracted to someone else, they will literally want nothing to stand in the way between them. They will make sure the space between the you is open.
This action shows that they are at ease and feel attracted to you.
Want to know the best way to figure out if someone is attracted to you? Ask them. While it may be difficult to ask such a direct question, at least you’ll get a definitive answer.
But if that’s not your style, and granted, it’s not many people’s style, stick to focusing on the above signs. If you can pinpoint at least a few of them, you can be confident that they’re into you.
19) She sweats
Sweating palms is a classic physiological response to the attraction. According to Claire McLoughlin from the Royal Society of Chemistry, it’s like we have butterflies in our stomachs which can make us sweat.
This is due to surging brain chemicals called monoamines. It includes dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin – hormones that excite and make us happy.
Needless to say, if their hands are sweaty, it could mean that they like you.
20) They are obviously trying to stand next to you
Whether the room is crowded or you are the only two at the bar, they make a point of standing next to you or sitting next to you.
It might be obvious that they want to be near you, especially if they actually push someone or try to move someone quickly so they can snag the seat next to yours.
We see this in romantic comedy movies when the man is enamoured with a woman and can’t seem to find his footing as he tries to squeeze into the last seat on that side of the table.
How to encourage that attraction between the two of you
Haven’t yet noticed those signs of attraction? Don’t despair, it could just be early days in your relationship and you’re yet to establish it.
If you’re hoping to kickstart that relationship and get the ball rolling, then there is something you can do. Try triggering his hero instinct.
This is a concept that I mentioned earlier in the article. If you have already triggered this hero instinct of his, then there’s no doubt that it’s a strong sign of attraction between the two of you.
If not, now’s your chance.
There’s one thing men crave more than anything else when it comes to relationships.
They want to be an everyday hero.
And if you’re looking to kickstart that attraction between the two of you, then this is the best way to do it.
It’s not about the capes, or dramatically coming in for the rescue. Instead, it’s about stepping up for you and earning your respect in return.
So, what can you do about it?
In his excellent free video, James Bauer reveals the exact phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can make to trigger his hero instinct (and supercharge the chemistry in your relationship).
It’s the perfect way to force him to see you in a whole new light. That attraction will be instant once you unlock this version of himself he ever knew existed.
You may also like reading:
- 3 ways to make a man addicted to you
- The strangest thing men desire (And how it can make him crazy for you)
- Want her to be your girlfriend? Don’t make this mistake…
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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