Amy Reed
You know when you’re unhappy in a relationship, right? Not quite. You think it’d be obvious, but it’s true what they say, love can be blinding.
What you think should be the source of your happiness may actually be the source of your unhappiness – not to mention your insecurity issues.
When you’re unhappy and insecure in your relationship, you might not know it yet, but your behaviors might be telling you something you need to pay attention to.
Let’s take a look at the 9 unique behaviors that can crop up when a woman feels insecure and unhappy in her relationship, backed by psychology.
1) She worries about her partner’s life more than her own
Also known as, co-dependency! When one partner starts to give more to the relationship than the other, to the point where they start neglecting themselves, it becomes co-dependent.
Co-dependency can stem from many goings on in a relationship, but it never comes from happiness. It can come from one person having low self-esteem or from the other having a need for power and control, typically, experts allude.
Either way, when a relationship becomes codependent, one partner starts caring more about the other’s life than their own.
In reality, this looks like worrying about their health, friendships, career, family, or even just how they’re getting home from a night out! All the while, neglecting their own health, friendships, career, etc…
2) She always wants to know what her partner is thinking
When a woman feels insecure in her relationship, silence won’t feel golden. She won’t be able to sit comfortably at dinner, not uttering a word to her partner, without wondering what he’s thinking.
If he stares at her in silence, she won’t find it endearing, either. She’ll wonder what he’s thinking – and not in a cutesy, romantic way. In a way that makes her anxious, nervous, and maybe even nauseous!
Experts say this feeling of anxiousness over silence is actually kind of justified. In a comfortable, happy relationship, you’ll probably hardly even notice a silence, let alone find it awkward.
But in a chronically troubled relationship, silence feels strong and powerful. Usually, it stems from an avoidance of some kind, where one partner has an issue but isn’t willing to express it.
3) She doesn’t feel good about herself
“I look terrible”, “I’m so ugly”, “I can’t do anything right”, “I’m useless”.
These are all awful things to say about yourself. They are criticisms, at their core, and you should never speak to yourself that way. But you can’t always help it, especially when you have low self-esteem.
So where does this low self-esteem come from? Experts say it can come from all areas of life, from your childhood and your school years to your career and relationships. Namely, your romantic relationships!
Sometimes, insecurities can creep up on you. One day you’re feeling good in yourself and going about your life as you please. The next thing you know, you’ve slowly slipped off the wagon and you’re fighting to get back on the saddle.
And sometimes, a relationship can cause these insecurities to rear their ugly heads. You can start feeling low in yourself, seemingly for no reason.
Or you may suspect somewhere that it’s your partner making you feel so low, whether it’s from the words they say or the words they don’t…
4) She misses who she used to be
We all change as we get older or enter different periods of life. When you switch jobs, move towns, enter a new relationship, or even leave education, life can teetotal you. It can change completely, and you can change, too!
But not all change is for the better. Remember when we talked about insecurities issues creeping up on you and even codependent behavior taking over? Those kinds of changes in you aren’t for good – and they can make you feel worse.
It’s why when you grow unhappy in a relationship, you might start missing the person you used to be before you got into it, which is a common symptom of depression, experts say.
When you think back to your single period or even when you were in different relationships, you think about how you never felt like this. And you actually prefer who you were then, not who you are now.
5) She feels anxious about the future
The future is bright, people say. But it doesn’t always look that way – especially if you’re in a relationship that’s going nowhere. When your relationship is making you feel insecure and unhappy, you won’t ponder the future with a smile on your face.
Instead, the idea of tomorrow, next year, or any big milestones in the relationship (like getting married, giving birth, growing old together, the list goes on), won’t leave you with a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. The mere thought of it all will make you anxious.
You might not always attribute this anxiousness to your relationship, but it may be directed to your partner somewhat. At the very least, you’ll worry about how your partner will be during all these big moments over the next period of your life.
The reason it’s so bad to think like this is because when you’re in a happy, secure relationship, your worries about the future will be a discussion. And after that discussion, you should feel better about things.
That’s what a partner should help you do. When this doesn’t happen, the anxiousness will probably remain, maybe even get worse…
6) She blames her partner for feeling unhappy
Getting cranky? Snapping at anything? Constant irritability? When you’re unhappy in a relationship, you’ll definitely know that you’re unhappy. Or, at the very least, you’ll know that you’re angry about something.
Most of that anger will probably be directed at your partner – for reasons that are usually a bit unbeknownst to you.
While it’s normal for everyone’s mood to fluctuate month by month, and for external factors to cause more irritation than normal, living like this constantly isn’t a good sign.
Experts say that constant irritation with your partner and blaming them for your unhappiness in life might have a deeper cause that’s linked to actual issues in your relationship.
7) She stops trying new things
We can all get stuck in a rut sometimes. When life is busy or we have a couple of setbacks, it takes some time to get back on our feet and start living again.
Or, at least, living life the way we want to and in a way that feels good. I.e., we go to new places, start new hobbies, plan days out, and basically have an endless list of things we want to do that we do actually get around to doing!
But what happens when you never get out of that rut? Or worse, when you don’t realize you’re in a rut at all? When you stop trying new things, or even wanting to, it isn’t a good sign.
Of course, many things can cause this behavior, like depression or anxiety, which may be totally unrelated to your relationship. But it can also come from being in an unhappy relationship that’s making you stand still, maybe without even realizing it.
8) She stops seeing her friends
Friendships change all the time. You might’ve hung out with certain people all the time, but now, they have no time for you in their busy-busy schedules. Or you might lose some friends and gain new ones along the way.
But what shouldn’t happen is for YOU to intentionally stop seeing the people you enjoy spending time with.
When someone cuts themselves off from their friends, family, or other loved ones, it’s always a possibility that their relationship is the root cause.
A controlling partner can poison your mind against your loved ones to isolate you. Or they can convince you to stop seeing your friends of your own accord!
Or, of course, you can simply start feeling like it’s pointless or futile to maintain the friendships you once enjoyed.
Again, this can be a symptom of depression or anxiety, experts say. But like we said earlier, these feelings don’t always come from nowhere, and they can signal co-dependency, insecurity, or just general unhappiness in the relationship.
9) She lets her self-care slip
People self-neglect in relationships for all kinds of reasons. It doesn’t simply happen out of the blue with no rhyme or reasoning behind it. Sometimes, it stems from unhappiness within yourself. Other times, it’s the result of an unhappy relationship.
Why? It’s often a combination of feeling unappreciated and emotionally neglected or from a lack of connection. It’s like if you don’t get asked on dates anymore, you won’t dress up as much.
Or if your partner doesn’t appreciate or compliment you, you might not see the need to take care of your appearance as much as you used to.
