Going through a divorce is extremely taxing and messy.
It plays with your emotions and turns your world upside down.
But, while the road to recovery is long, eventually, you’ll reach a point where you begin to move forward. Life starts getting a little easier. You start discovering yourself again.
Do you feel you might be back on an upswing?
If so, here are 8 undeniable signs you’re healing and growing after a divorce:
1) A shift in perspective
In the initial aftermath of a divorce, you might find yourself trapped in a whirlpool of negative thoughts and emotions.
This is completely normal.
Everything may seem bleak, and it’s almost impossible to see past the pain. However, as you start to heal, there’s a subtle but significant shift in your perspective.
Suddenly, you begin to see the divorce not as an ending, but as a new beginning.
Instead of being the worst thing that happened to you, it becomes a transformative experience that propels you towards growth.
You start to understand that while the dissolution of your marriage was undoubtedly painful, it has also presented opportunities for self-discovery and personal development.
I see this as “the light at the end of the dark tunnel”. You’re finally on the path of healing and those turbulent emotions that came at the start of your divorce are finally settling.
2) Reclaiming your independence
Let’s be honest, a marriage is about two people coming together, united. Your lives become intertwined. “I” becomes “we”.
However, as healing begins to take place, you’ll start to reclaim your independence.
You’ll rediscover the strength within you to make decisions on your own, manage your finances, and explore new hobbies or interests.
You may even start to enjoy the solitude that comes with being single again.
When I supported my cousin through her divorce, it was so encouraging to see her go out for the first time by herself and actually enjoy her own company.
She came home and told me, “I took myself for lunch, and surprisingly, I didn’t even think about him. It was nice to focus on me for a while.”
You see, the reclaiming of your independence is a powerful sign of healing and growth after a divorce.
It signifies that you’re ready to navigate life on your own terms, with renewed confidence and self-assurance.
3) Embracing forgiveness
One of the most challenging aspects of divorce is battling feelings of resentment and bitterness.
I vividly remember that my cousin found herself constantly reliving past arguments and perceived wrongs, which only served to fuel her anger.
However, as time passed, she began to realize that holding onto this anger wasn’t serving her. It was like carrying a heavy burden that was preventing her from moving forward.
It wasn’t until another family member sat her down and spoke about the importance of forgiveness – not just for her ex, but primarily for herself, that we saw a big change in her.
She told me after, “It had never occurred to me that forgiveness would set me free. I thought it would just let him off the hook.”
Look, forgiveness isn’t easy.
It requires immense strength and courage.
But when you’re able to let go of the resentment and forgive, not just your ex-spouse but also yourself, you’ll find that a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders, opening the door for genuine growth and healing.
4) Cultivating new relationships
After the breakdown of a significant relationship, it’s natural to feel hesitant about forming new connections.
Trust can be difficult to rebuild, and the fear of another heartbreak might hold you back.
However, as healing progresses, you might find yourself open to the possibility of new relationships.
But keep in mind – these relationships aren’t limited to romantic ones.
They could be friendships, bonds with colleagues, or even a deeper connection with yourself.
Ultimately, this is another sign that you’re finally moving on and healing from your divorce. You’re working through the fear of being vulnerable and that’s a big step to take.
5) Rediscovering passions
Another clear sign of healing and growth after your divorce is rediscovering your passions.
It suggests that you’re beginning to find joy again, to reconnect with the aspects of yourself that make you uniquely you.
Perhaps before marriage and the divorce, you loved to paint or run.
But throughout everything that’s happened, you lost your desire for it. Slowly, you feel it coming back.
Essentially, this is a part of rediscovering your individuality again. The ‘you’ before all the messy divorce proceedings.
Allow yourself to have fun with this. Explore old passions and new ones. Combine this with the previous point and you’ll find yourself making new friends too.
6) Acceptance of change
One of the hardest challenges post-divorce is coming to terms with the immense change that has taken place in your life.
The future you had envisioned is no longer a reality, and this can be a tough pill to swallow.
But as healing progresses, you’ll notice a growing acceptance of this change.
Instead of resisting or denying it, you begin to embrace it.
In other words, it doesn’t scare you anymore. You understand that change, though uncomfortable, can lead to growth and new opportunities.
7) Increased self-awareness
Post-divorce, you might find yourself doing a lot of self-reflection, trying to understand what went wrong and why. This introspection can lead to increased self-awareness.
As you heal, you’ll find that you have a deeper understanding of your needs, desires, strengths, and weaknesses.
You start to realize what you want from life and from future relationships.
Increased self-awareness is an undeniable sign of healing and growth after divorce. It shows that you’re learning from your past and using that knowledge to shape your future.
And trust me, this will carry through into your future relationships, making a world of positive difference.
8) Hope for the future
And finally, in the immediate aftermath of a divorce, it’s natural to feel hopeless and despondent about the future.
But with healing comes hope.
One day, you’ll find yourself dreaming again – making plans for the future, setting goals, and looking forward to what lies ahead with optimism rather than fear.
Take this as a sign that you’re ready to start moving forward. You’re on the path of healing and finally, you can see the light at the end of the dark tunnel.
It’s not always easy to reach this point, and it’ll look different for everyone.
My cousin took a good year to get to the point of being fully over her marriage. But she learned a lot along the way and so will you.
Be patient with yourself, be kind, and remember that these things take time. But if you resonate with the points above, it sounds like you’re already on track to healing and growing after your divorce.