10 undeniable signs you’re a loved and valued person, according to psychology

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It’s one of the most painful feelings any of us can have:

The sensation of being abandoned, unloved and unwanted. 

That’s why it’s such a relief to find out that you’re not alone and that you’re loved and truly appreciated by many people in your life. 

This can be easy to overlook, particularly if you grew up in a less-than-loving family or environment or if your self-esteem isn’t that high. 

These are some powerful reminders that you do matter and that other people in your life do care about you and love you

Let’s take a look. 

1) People reciprocate your kind words and actions

Your kind acts and words are usually reciprocated and you’re generally treated with respect

There are exceptions, of course, but for the most part you are clearly regarded as somebody worthy of respect and deference. 

This goes back to the fundamental idea of giving respect-for-respect.

“Respect, in this sense, dates back to the 18th-century philosopher Immanuel Kant. 

“In his works on morality, Kant argued that it’s a fundamental moral maxim that all people are owed equal respect in virtue of their shared humanity, irrespective of their achievements, abilities, and qualities,” notes Berit Brogaard D.M.Sci., Ph.D., Professor and the Director of the Brogaard Lab for Multisensory Research at the University of Miami.

2) People smile at you and greet you with kindness

At the most basic level, you are greeted with kindness and smiled at frequently in your daily life. 

This can include those close to you, of course, but also simply strangers you pass on the street or who cross your path. 

Certain cultures and societies where eye contact and smiling are not the norm won’t include this, but if you’re in a society where it’s socially accepted to do this, you may notice it. 

You’re not alone or unloved, people smile at you and appreciate you, even many strangers. 

3) People truly listen to you when you speak 

How do folks act when you talk?

It depends on the person, of course, but generally speaking you will notice that people either pay attention or ignore you. 

If you’re spending time around too many people who don’t listen to you, find new people (if possible). 

When you’re around friends and loved ones who care about you, they will genuinely want to hear what you say and hear you out. 

As psychology writer Giulia Simolo notes:

“One of the biggest signs that someone cares about you is if they give you the time of day. They don’t just hear what you’re saying, but actively listen to what’s on your mind.”

4) Folks make an effort to include you in social gatherings and activities

If something is going on among your social circle or work colleagues, you’re included. 

Folks go out of their way to make you feel welcome and to let you know that you’re wanted and valued. 

This can be very touching and is certainly a sign that you are appreciated and valued. 

“This person cares about you so much, they’ll always make you feel like you’re included. 

They love to make their social circle bigger, filling it with tons of people who love to have a good time and be there for each other,” observes Simolo.

5) People trust you with secrets and with important responsibilities 

You are somebody that people trust. 

At work you are given large responsibilities and entrusted with information or roles that require diligence and sometimes secrecy. 

In your relationships you are somebody people turn to and confide in. 

It’s clear that you’re not just “some guy” or “some lady” who’s invisible in the world:

You’re an individual who people trust and look up to and want to share their inner world with. That’s a valuable and touching reality. 

6) Folks validate your emotions and empathize with your struggles

When you’re down in the dumps, people care. 

They still have their own struggles and priorities, of course, but they genuinely seem to worry about you when you struggle and they respond to your pain. 

They want to see things get better for you and they do what they can to work towards that. 

Rather than just telling you that it’s your problem, it’s clear that many people around you want to actively try to improve your life and see you do well. 

7) People seek you out as a teammate, partner and collaborator

Being told how great you are and appreciated by others is one thing, but being actively sought out and chosen is another. 

Those who go to the next level of proving how much they value you don’t just say words or do kind favors for you:

They actively seek you out as a business partner, a friend, an activity partner and for other parts of their life. 

They want you in their life in a very real and practical way, not just in theory or emotionally.

“Sure, the person may act very supportive when it’s a one-on-one interaction. But it can be very revealing what that person does when he or she has to choose between you and other people or things,” explains Bruce Y. Lee M.D., M.B.A., Professor of Health Policy and Management at the City University of New York.

8) People do kind and thoughtful things for you without you expecting it

When you least expect it, people do something kind for you or prove that they were thinking of you

It could be your romantic partner, a work colleague or a bus driver letting you on despite you having forgotten your bus pass that day:

It could be something small or something big. 

But these social cues and thoughtful favors are sure signs that you’re valued and that people want to treat you well. 

9) You are strongly supported in pragmatic ways when you’re in need

This relates back to the previous point about being valued in practical, real ways as a partner and part of people’s lives.

When you’re in trouble and you need help, you are strongly supported and backed up by those around you. 

You aren’t just given kind words: you’re given real resources, loans, time, attention, affection and support. You’re cared for. You’re given a place to crash for the night, or a reference to a professional who can help with a problem you have whether it’s a mechanic or a psychologist. 

You’re supported, and it’s real. 

“Respect is also earned through responsible and consistent actions,” points out clinical psychologist Dr. Charissa Chamorro.

“Through mutual respect, consistency and responsible actions, you can generate genuine respect from others.”

This ties into the final point:

10) You have a wide and robust support network during hard times

Everybody is busy in their lives and we’re all ultimately responsible for ourselves. 

But a key sign that you’re genuinely cared for and valued is that you have a wide support network:

If you need advice about something you have a good idea of who you could call on. And even if they don’t know, their friend might!

This gives you people to rely on when times get tough, as well as folks to celebrate with when you’re doing well. 

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