11 undeniable signs you were born into the wrong family, according to psychology

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Ever feel like you were born into the wrong family? Well, there are many reasons for that.

If you don’t (or didn’t) get enough love, support, or understanding, you might feel like something’s missing.

Also, if your beliefs and values clash with those of your family, you start to feel like you’re on a different planet.

You’re basically trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—it just doesn’t work.

So let’s see what undeniable signs show you were born into the wrong family, according to psychology (mostly). 

1) Different values

Cognitive dissonance theory suggests that when our beliefs and values clash with those of our family, it can create psychological discomfort.

In other words, you’re feeling alienated and have a desire to distance yourself from the family.

For instance, my family had their own set of values and beliefs, which often clashed with mine. 

From religion and politics to lifestyle choices, there was a noticeable disconnect between us. 

It felt like I was living in a household where I didn’t belong, where my thoughts and opinions were constantly at odds with those around me.

As I’m getting older, sure, I realize that it was also due to the clash of generations, as my parents had me later in life.

Still, there’s a thing called respect and hearing someone out, trying to see things from their point of view, which mostly never happened. 

2) Abuse or neglect

Psychological research consistently shows the harmful effects of abuse and neglect on mental health.

People who experience trauma in childhood are at increased risk of developing anxiety, depression, and other psychological disorders.

So, if there were times when you didn’t feel safe at home, whether it was due to physical abuse or emotional neglect, it probably left scars—both seen and unseen—that you carried with you into adulthood.

The trauma of growing up in such an environment can make you wonder why you ended up in this family in the first place.

It can make you question whether you deserved better and if there was more to life than the pain you experienced at home.

3) Constant Conflict

On the other hand, psychology suggests that growing up in an environment of constant conflict can lead to chronic stress and anxiety. That’s not surprising, is it?

Conflict in the family can impede healthy emotional development and create instability, making it almost impossible to form close bonds with family members.

And growing up, I felt like there was always tension lingering in the air at home.

Whether it was my parents arguing or my siblings fighting amongst themselves, it seemed like peace was a rare commodity. 

I never knew when the next explosion would happen.

It left me anxious and on edge, wondering why my family couldn’t just get along like other families.

4) Lack of support

According to psychological theories like Attachment Theory, a lack of emotional support during childhood can result in insecurity and low self-worth.

Without a secure base provided by family, people often struggle with forming healthy relationships and managing stress later in life.

Whenever I faced challenges or needed someone to talk to, I often felt like nobody in my family was there for me.

There were times when I longed for a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, but instead, I found myself grappling with my emotions in solitude. 

I was feeling isolated and disconnected, wondering if anyone in my family truly understood me.

5) Feeling invisible

Social Identity Theory suggests that feeling unseen or unrecognized within the family can impact your sense of identity and belonging.

Without affirmation and validation from family members, you’re bound to struggle to develop a strong sense of self-esteem.

No matter what achievements some people accomplish, it seems like nobody in their family notices or cares.

For example, their family meets their accomplishments with indifference and brushes aside their emotions as if they don’t matter.

They feel unseen and unappreciated, like a background character in their own life story.

6) Unhealthy dynamics

Growing up in an environment with unhealthy dynamics can also influence your own interpersonal relationships and coping mechanisms.

The dynamics in some families are toxic and draining, characterized by manipulation, control, and power struggles.

That makes members feel like they’re all just existing together instead of truly connecting and supporting each other. 

7) Comparisons

From school and sports to personal achievements, I was constantly compared to my siblings or other relatives.

It also felt like I was always falling short, no matter how hard I tried to measure up.

That’s where Social Comparison Theory kicks in.

Basically, it says we tend to judge ourselves by comparing to others.

So, when you’re constantly sizing yourself up against your family or peers, it can really mess with your sense of self-worth and identity.

That’s why when your family is always comparing you to your siblings or other relatives, it can make you feel like you’re not good enough and breed resentment.

It messes with how you see yourself and can make you feel bad about yourself and your mental health.

8) Limited autonomy

My family didn’t give me much room to be myself or make my own decisions.

It felt like my life was being dictated by the expectations and demands of others, leaving little room for personal autonomy or self-expression.

It didn’t matter if I was choosing a career path, pursuing my passions, or expressing my individuality.

I felt stifled and constrained by the limitations placed on me.

It made me question whether I would ever be able to be free from the confines of my family’s expectations.

Everything needed to happen as they said, without an inch of leeway. 

9) Invalidation

And whenever I tried to express myself or share my thoughts and feelings, it was like I was talking to a brick wall.

They dismissed my emotions, ignored my opinions, and silenced my voice.

I regularly felt frustrated and unheard, wondering if anyone in my family truly cared about what I had to say. 

When people don’t take your feelings seriously or brush them off like they’re no big deal, you start to doubt yourself and feel like your thoughts and emotions aren’t worth anything.

You’re always worried about being shut down or judged, so you keep your guard up.

And because you’re not getting that validation and support you need at home, you end up looking for it elsewhere, which leads to all sorts of issues.

10) Feeling like an outsider

No matter how hard I tried, I always felt like I didn’t quite fit in with my family.

It was as if I was speaking a different language, living in a different world than those around me.

Social Identity Theory also applies here, as we derive a sense of identity from our social groups. 

Feeling like an outsider within the family results in loneliness and social isolation, impacting overall well-being.

11) Emotional distance

And lastly, we have the Attachment Theory again, which emphasizes the importance of emotional bonds in human development.

You see, some people feel like their family bond doesn’t have any real depth or meaning. 

There’s almost no affection but a prevailing fear of vulnerability.

Most or all family members can’t or won’t express emotions, and the distance between them just keeps growing wider with time.

And what can that do to you as you’re growing up?

Well, you kind of start feeling hollow and empty inside, longing for a sense of warmth and connection that always seemed just out of reach. 

Final thoughts

Feeling like you were born into the wrong family is a heavy burden to carry.

It can affect every aspect of your life, from your self-esteem to your relationships.

However, your worth isn’t determined by the family you were born into.

You have the power to create your own path and find fulfillment and happiness on your terms.

Adrian Volenik

Adrian has years of experience in the field of personal development and building wealth. Both physical and spiritual. He has a deep understanding of the human mind and a passion for helping people enhance their lives. Adrian loves to share practical tips and insights that can help readers achieve their personal and professional goals. He has lived in several European countries and has now settled in Portugal with his family. When he’s not writing, he enjoys going to the beach, hiking, drinking sangria, and spending time with his wife and son.

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