Raychel Ria Agramon
Although you and your twin flame are meant to be together, that doesn’t mean your relationship will always be smooth-sailing.
You’re both going to be scared of a lot of things, and intimacy is one of them.
So how do you know if you – or your mirror soul – have a fear of intimacy? Well, all you need to do is look for these 11 signs. (I’ve also listed several tips on dealing with them.)
1) You have low self-esteem
“Self-esteem affects how we think about ourselves, how much love we’re able to receive, and how we treat others, especially in intimate relationships.”
So if you think you’re not good enough for your twin flame, you may end up being reluctant to get intimate with them.
What to do: Be kind to yourself
Don’t be so harsh on yourself. It’s not necessarily your fault, for self-esteem issues often arise due to toxic parenting or dysfunctional family dynamics.
And while you can’t do anything about these issues anymore, you can always try to be kinder to yourself. According to the NHS, that means “being gentle to yourself at times when you feel like being self-critical.”
By being nicer to yourself, you get to improve your self-esteem and fix your ‘intimacy’ issue (among many other things.)
2) You want to be perfect
You know for a fact that nobody is perfect. And, given your self-esteem issues, your first tendency is to try to be the ideal partner for your twin flame.
While it’s an impressive attempt, this unpleasant personality trait signifies that you fear intimacy. You believe that to be genuinely lovable, you need to be the perfect twin flame. It’s not the case at all!
Do note that this struggle for perfectionism isn’t just seen in the relationship. It can also manifest in you being an obsessive-compulsive worker bee.
What to do: Lower your expectations
It’s not wrong to have high expectations, but they can take a toll on your twin flame. If you want to eliminate this relationship-damaging perfectionism, it’s time to lower your standards once and for all.
Remember: this doesn’t mean running your standards to the ground. Instead of, say, being the flawless twin flame you’re trying to be, why not show your partner that you have some imperfections too?
Trust me when I say that they wouldn’t mind. They love you dearly, after all!
3) You’re faking things
If you fear intimacy, you could end up faking yourself – worse, even your entire relationship! Again, this all boils down to your need to be perfect.
As Lachlan Brown, our founder, puts it:
“Fake people don’t know how to be their authentic selves, they don’t go deep into their true feelings, and they don’t know how to express their real emotions.
This means that fake people are running away from who they are.
After all, deeper emotions don’t serve them.”
What to do: Be true to yourself
If you want your relationship to last and attain the intimacy you both deserve, you need to be true to yourself.
Stop hiding underneath the facade you keep on putting up.
Being a genuine person means not being afraid to look weak. It’s about caring more about you and your twin flame instead of what others say to you.
As I keep saying, your twin flame will accept you no matter who you are. You’re bound to each other, after all!
4) You have a hard time expressing your needs
Because you fear intimacy, you feel that you don’t deserve all the love and care your twin flame is giving you. It’s similar to your dying need to be perfect.
The bad news here is that your twin flame can’t exactly read your mind. So your needs remain unfulfilled, further amplifying the ‘undeserving’ feeling inside you.
The worst part? This failure to express your needs – and your twin flame’s inability to grasp your needs – can ultimately lead to a lack of trust. I’ll explain this in detail below.
What to do: Communicate with your twin flame
Well, your twin flame won’t know what’s on your mind unless you communicate with them.
Don’t be afraid to share your innermost thoughts and feeling with them.
They love you for who you are, and they’re the last person in this world who’ll judge you.
Likewise, you need to listen to what they have to say. Just because you’re the one having a hard time expressing yourself doesn’t mean they don’t have anything to tell you.
Remember: your conversation is a two-way street.
5) You find it hard to trust your twin flame
Needless to say, when you don’t trust your mirror soul, you’ll find it hard to be intimate with them.
As experts from the Options for Sexual Health put it:
“When trust exists, partners feel secure that disclosing intimate feelings will not lead to ridicule, rejection, or other harm.”
What to do: Build trust in your mirror soul
There’s no sense distrusting your twin flame. It’s just like losing faith in yourself.
They’re your soul’s other half, after all.
To build more trust, you need to go back to my previous tip – and that is to communicate with your twin flame. That means:
- Acknowledging to yourself (and your partner) that you have trust issues
- Discuss the times or scenarios when you find it hard to trust each other
- Verbally commit to working out these trust issues
6) You keep on spacing out
Physically, you may be there with your twin flame. But in actuality, you’re mentally, emotionally, or spiritually in another place.
If you often find yourself spacing out in your relationship, it’s a ‘silent’ sign that you fear intimacy. Instead of talking to them or bonding with them, you do other things, such as playing games, watching videos, etc. Obviously, these will get in the way of your twin flame relationship.
What to do: Try to be present
As Crystal Raypole of Healthline defines it, “Being present (or living mindfully, whatever you want to call it) simply means you’re focused and engaged in the here and now, not distracted or mentally absent.”
So instead of letting your mind drift off to some far-flung place, try to focus on each moment of the relationship. Not only will this allow you to enjoy the time you share, but it’ll also help you address your problems – fear of intimacy included.
7) You’re always angry
Are you constantly angry with your twin flame – even if they haven’t done anything wrong? Or, even if they did, do you often blow it into humongous proportions?
Well, this anger could be a sign that you fear intimacy.
According to clinical psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., “Constant explosions of anger indicate immaturity, and immature people cannot form intimate relationships.”
What to do: Relax!
If you want to let go of your anger once and for all, you need to relax! Here are some exercises that can help you out:
- Progressive relaxation, where you tense a part of your body and hold it for 5 seconds before releasing the tension and exhaling.
- Equal breathing, where you inhale through the nose in 4 counts and exhale in another four counts.
- Alternate nostril breathing, where you inhale and close one nostril before exhaling.
8) You keep your twin flame away from your family and friends
If you’ve been with your twin flame for quite a while, they should be familiar with your family and friends. But if you’re still keeping them in the dark, it’s a clear sign that you have straight-up intimacy issues.
According to author Corey Whelan of Reader’s Digest:
“It allows you to remain segmented in a way, almost guaranteed to eliminate true, complete knowledge, of who you are. Your behavior may be fueled by the anxiety of embarrassment about your old self… No matter what the reason, it’s unlikely that you can go the distance in a romantic relationship, (so you) never let them know about your family, or past.”
What to do: Start small
Think of this as exposure therapy.
You don’t have to present your twin flame to your entire brood right away. You can start with a sibling or a best friend. And it doesn’t need to be a major holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas – a simple Sunday brunch would do.
Slowly and surely, working through this issue will help you address your fear of intimacy as well.
9) You keep on dating other people
You probably have encountered a lot of heartbreaks before you found your twin flame (if not, well, congratulations on your lucky strike!) And because of these hiccups, you’ve become more afraid to get intimate. You don’t want to invest feelings because you may be left behind again.
Unsurprisingly, one of your defense mechanisms for this is going on serial dates. Rather than being faithful to your partner, you’d rather skip town and find somebody to date again.
What to do: Trigger his inner hero
You see, it’s all about triggering your twin flame’s inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. Instead of being serial daters, they love harder and commit more to their twin flame.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”?
Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will immediately trigger his hero instinct.
See, the beauty of the hero instinct is that it’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
Click here to watch the free video.
10) You don’t want to be ‘physical’ with your twin flame
Twin flame intimacy is not just about refusing to be emotionally vulnerable with your mirror soul. It also comes with rejecting your twin flame’s physical advances.
According to psychologist William McKenna:
“An aversion to physical intimacy usually begins with observing negative relationships, and/or being in one during your developmental years. When such an experience happens, a man internalizes the script that relationships tend to be dangerous and physical intimacy only increases such danger.”
What to do: Again, communication is key
Communication is essential for any relationship, especially when it comes to twin flames marred with intimacy issues.
As McKenna puts it: “Within your relationship, it is vital that you discover, understand, and remember your partner’s own experience of relationships since (as previously mentioned) that encounter shapes his view of intimacy. In order to do this, you need to master good communication skills.”
Apart from exercising good interpersonal communication skills, McKenna highlights the importance of understanding your partner’s point of view – and being empathic about their situation.
11) On the other hand, you can’t stop being physical with your twin flame
Just because you have high sexual energy doesn’t mean you don’t have intimacy problems. It’s actually a self-esteem-related issue, which is the number 1 sign on this list.
According to author Sheri Jacobson of Harley Therapy, those with low self-esteem “Connect being sexually desirable to being worthwhile.” As a result, they crave sex to feel better about themselves.
She also adds: “If you long for love, but each time someone gets too close, you feel fear or panic, then you try to keep others at bay. Claiming a different sex drive is a good way to kill a relationship before it starts.”
What to do: Distract yourself
If your high sex drive is getting in the way of your twin flame yourself, then the best thing you could do is distract yourself.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you should have sex with other people, though! By distraction, I suggest doing productive things such as exercising and working on a hobby, to name a few.
