Kiran Athar
Life, as beautiful as it is, isn’t easy.
There are certain truths that we like to push to the back of our minds because they make us nervous. They remind us how little control we truly have.
But in this article, I’ll be explaining how by remembering such facts, we become stronger and more resilient!
But a word of warning; this isn’t a nice, feel-good article. Some parts are outright depressing. If you’re ready, read on…
1) Life is not fair
“If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself. That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat him.”
— John Spence
I know this one is going to hit hard, so I purposely put it at the start:
Life is not fair to anyone.
You can try your absolute hardest at something and still fail. Someone who hasn’t trained or practiced a day in their life could waltz in and beat you.
Unfortunately, this is the way of the world!
The sooner you get your head around this fact, the quicker you’ll stop feeling so hard done by.
But rather than getting down about it, remind yourself that we’re all in the same boat! When life deals us a tricky card, we just have to get creative and find ways around our setbacks – doing this builds resilience.
2) Failure is necessary to grow
Talking about dealing with setbacks, failure will happen. Over, and over again.
You see, it’s rare to see someone start something, a job, or a relationship for example, and reach “success” in one smooth motion.
That’s not how life works, in fact, I’d like you to check out this video which gives an accurate representation of how true progress is made.
So, the sooner you accept that failure is necessary to grow as a person, the sooner you’ll start learning from your mistakes and get closer to your goals!
3) It’s no one else’s responsibility to make you happy
It might have been your mom or dad’s responsibility when you were a kid, but in the adult world, no one holds responsibility for your happiness.
And if you go around expecting others to prioritize it?
You’ll become a pretty toxic friend or partner!
I know this might not be easy to hear, but your happiness solely depends on you, the decisions you make, and the lifestyle you create for yourself.
Pinning it on someone else is setting you up for failure, and will hurt the other person in the process!
Taking responsibility for yourself will force you to have a stronger, more resilient mindset. You’ll actually learn more too, once you stop palming the responsibility onto others!
4) The world doesn’t owe you anything
Now, if you go around thinking that you’re owed things by society or other people, respectfully, you need to get your head out of the clouds!
This mentality puts you in the victim seat. You take a step back, hoping others will do for you what you can’t do (or can’t be bothered to do) for yourself.
But once you start taking control and taking responsibility for yourself, your resilience levels increase.
And that’s not all…
By taking responsibility for yourself and working hard for everything you have, you learn self-reliance. This is paramount to becoming a stronger person.
5) Being rich won’t make you happier
We’re sold this idea by capitalist societies that money can buy happiness.
It can’t. Squash that idea right now.
I know of people who have become wealthy, only to suffer from depression and anxiety.
I also know people who are dirt poor and more content than half of us out there!
Happiness comes from your mindset, not your bank account. The sooner you realize that the sooner you can start working towards having a meaningful purpose in life rather than chasing materialistic “happiness”.
6) You and everyone you know are going to one day die
It’s a sobering thought, right?
But unfortunately, it’s the only thing that is guaranteed to all of us in life!
So, what can you learn from this truth?
To appreciate every single day.
To show love and appreciation to your family and friends.
And to never take life for granted!
Keep this in mind and you’ll stop sweating the small stuff. As you start practicing gratitude, you’ll become a stronger person who is able to see what is worth giving your time to and what isn’t!
7) You can’t please everyone
People pleasers, this one’s for you!
No matter how hard you try, you will never please everyone. It’s physically impossible because we all have different perceptions, standards, and preferences.
This is where people pleasers can drive themselves crazy; suffering whilst trying to make everyone around them happy.
By recognizing that it’s impossible, you’ll build a layer of resilience whenever someone disagrees with you or doesn’t like something you’ve done.
You’ll learn to do what’s best for you and drown out the complaints of the nay-sayers!
8) Your actions speak louder than words
Part of becoming a stronger, more resilient person involves holding yourself accountable.
It means doing what you say – following through.
And the reason is that your words don’t mean anything. You can promise someone you’ll pay them back, and have all the good intentions to do so, but if they never receive the money?
Your words and your intentions were good for nothing!
When focusing on your actions more than your words, you automatically start holding yourself to a higher standard, and believe it or not, other people respect you a hell of a lot more too!
This forces you to become a stronger person because you hold yourself accountable.
9) Your job or bank statement won’t follow you to the grave
In fact, nothing will; not your mobile phone, your favorite hoodie, or the new car you recently bought.
So, what’s the lesson to learn here?
Well, since all these material possessions aren’t going with you to your final resting place, why place so much importance on them?
Some people spend a lifetime trying to accumulate “things”, whether for their own satisfaction or to show society that they’re successful.
But it’s all futile. The lesson here is to do what makes you happy. Live a life worth being proud of. One that you can look back on your deathbed and have no regrets about!
Taking this outlook will make you a stronger person who invests in your passions and well-being, rather than someone constantly chasing material wealth!
10) Your reaction matters more than the actual event
Next up on our brutal truths about life:
Your mindset and reactions.
Let me explain:
You lose your job tomorrow. You have debts and bills to pay. You freak out, you start drinking heavily to forget the bad day you’ve had. This becomes a daily habit. You give up on job hunting because what’s the point, right?
Wrong.
Let me offer you an alternative:
You lose your job tomorrow. You have debts and bills to pay. You freak out, so you call a good friend to come around and help you freshen up your CV. You get a good night’s sleep, and the next day you contact agencies and submit a few job applications. It takes a week or two, but you find employment. Life is okay again.
See how your reaction is worth much more than the bad thing that happened to you? To build resilience, this is essential.
Foster a growth mindset, persevere, and even the biggest of setbacks won’t hold you down!
11) You’ll never reach perfection
Perfection is unattainable – athletes, singers, and magicians have all proved this. No matter how good they are, there’s always room for error.
After all, we’re human!
We weren’t designed to be perfect. But there is something you can aim for instead:
Being really good, consistently.
This is far more likely to bring you closer to achieving your goals. You’ll also become a stronger person for it, someone who is committed and works diligently, rather than someone chasing the idea of perfection and never actually getting close to it!
12) Most things in life are out of our control
Well done if you made it this far – I know this hasn’t been an easy read! But I’d like to end on a more positive note (depending on how you take it):
Nothing in life is really in your control except for your emotions, reactions, and decisions.
Everything else is pretty much up in the air, subject to 1000 different variables!
So, want to be a resilient, stronger person?
Stop trying to clutch on to everything. Let things go. Focus on what you can control (yourself) and stop beating yourself up when things don’t go your way!
I’ll end with this quote:
“Man plans, and God laughs.”
