Paul Brian
Are you a confident guy?
You might say yes, or you might say no. Maybe you aren’t sure.
Here’s how to find out for certain.
1) You speak your mind
First up in terms of the key personality traits that show you’re a confident and secure man is that you speak your mind.
This may seem like common sense to you, but if you look around you’ll notice that many people self-censor:
They start saying something then trail off…
They shake their head or cluck their tongue but don’t voice a disagreement…
They pretend to go along with a popular opinion that they actually strongly disagree with…
You?
You don’t do any of that sh*t, because you’re confident and secure in who you are and life’s too short to keep yourself all bottled up.
2) You know what you want
Next up in key signs?
You know what you want.
This applies across the board:
- At work
- In your personal life
- Choosing your values
- Going for a promotion or change of career
- Deciding where to live and your lifestyle
Translation: you’re not winging it.
You’re confident and secure and you’ve taken the time and been introspective enough to know what you really want out of life and why.
3) You confidently show romantic and sexual interest
We’ve all seen it:
A guy making an excuse to talk to a lady who catches his eye.
“Oh hey, I uh…Do you know where there’s like a…uh…good restaurant in this area?”
Lame! Sad!
A confident man doesn’t create pretexts to chat up a woman who appeals to him.
He walks right by her and says “hi, how are you?” and smiles at her.
If she seems into it, he strikes up a conversation. Maybe it leads to meeting again, maybe not.
But this is one of the important traits that show you’re a confident and secure man:
You’re not afraid to show interest in somebody and you’re not ashamed of showing desire, because you know your worth and you’re comfortable with yourself as a man.
4) You look after those you love
Another of the important character traits that show you’re a confident and secure man is that you look after those you love.
You care about other people, not just yourself, and you’re willing to take on some responsibility and commitment.
The idea of having people who look up to you isn’t intimidating for you, it fits right into your self-image.
You’re a guy who makes things happen, and you feel fine playing that role.
At the same time:
5) Yet you never tolerate freeloaders and leeches
While you are comfortable and happy about supporting and encouraging those you love, you have zero tolerance for parasites and freeloaders.
People who come into your life only to take have no place in your life.
Even family members and those you love will find that you stick up for yourself and ask that they chip in.
Those who can work and contribute should work and contribute!
This is your motto and it’s what you expect of yourself and others in your life.
Gold diggers only strike dirt and rocks when they come sniffing around your door. They might as well be panning for beach sand.
If anyone’s looking for handouts and a codependent connection, you’re not the dude to hit up.
6) You negotiate hard for your preferred outcome in business
Next up in important traits that show you’re a confident and secure man is that you negotiate hard to get your way.
There’s a fine line here, especially in business:
Those who are extremely forceful and don’t listen to others rarely get ahead, alienating potential allies and eventually being overrun by more collaborative competitors.
But those who are too nice and compliant also get rolled over, quickly being taken advantage of.
As a secure and confident man, you know that balance. You’re able to make friends and influence people while still doing your best to get your way.
Compromise? Sure, sometimes! But you never make a deal by walking back what you want or just folding to the other party.
7) You don’t seek external validation or approval for what you do
Next up in the traits that show you’re a confident and secure man is that you don’t look for outer approval or validation.
You’re not making moves in life in order to get applause, and you’re not backing down from your dreams because you get boos.
When somebody expresses appreciation for you, you thank them for that.
When somebody says you’re on the wrong track you consider whether they’re right and then keep going if not.
You aren’t living your life for the approval and acceptance of others.
This has many effects, including on social media where you try to maintain a low-key presence and not be overly attention-seeking or self-promotional.
You are fine with getting recognition and you’re fine with being popular, but you don’t live your life to please others.
Life’s too short, and doing so is just a track to misery and self-negation.
This brings up the next point about being a solid guy:
8) You stand up for your core values and beliefs even if it’s unpopular
These days beliefs and norms seem to be changing everyday.
One of the top traits that show you’re a confident and secure man is that you don’t back down from a core value or belief just because it’s unpopular.
Many of us say that we’re exactly that way!
Stand for what you believe, do what’s right!
And so on…
But how many of us have frequently said nothing while our values are trashed in front of us or mocked by friends?
How many of us have allowed popularity to dictate what we say we believe?
Almost all of us, I suspect, which is part of what makes a truly confident and secure man stand out so starkly.
If you’re truly secure and confident you don’t trim yourself to fit the world, because you know eventually there won’t be anything left of you!
Plus, there are already enough people living cookie cutter lives and holding all the correct beliefs. You have zero interest in being just another of them.
You have your own beliefs, experiences and values, and you won’t let a degenerate culture tell you what you must believe or think in order to be accepted.
9) You take criticism lightly and unless it has lessons for you in it you let the negativity go
Let’s be honest about the top traits that show you’re a confident and secure man:
There’s a lot out there in the manosphere and elsewhere claiming that guys who really know their value don’t care about criticism and the haters.
There’s an element of truth to that, but the fact is that every single one of us cares at least a little bit about the haters and those who don’t like us.
If you try to book a hotel room and everywhere you go people jeer and swear at you, it’s going to matter to you!
The key, however, is that a confident and secure guy doesn’t actually let criticism, rejection and negativity affect his core self-image.
You may be angry about unfair criticism, find it ridiculous or even be depressed about it.
But if you’re a confident guy with high self-esteem, the actual substance of the negativity directed your way at some points in life is not going to hit you on the foundational level.
In other words you won’t scroll angry social media comments and then stay up at night wondering “am I really an a**hole?” or “is it true that my looks make me low value?”
You may take some lessons and learning from criticism, but you never use it as a copilot in your own self-sabotage.
10) You’re willing to forgive and give second chances when holding a grudge doesn’t do any good
Lastly in terms of the vital traits that show you’re a confident and secure man is that you are able to see the best in people.
You’re self-aware enough to know that everybody screws up at times, and you extend forgiveness where you can.
While you don’t tolerate freeloaders or energy vampires in your life, you do give second chances.
You know that many great friends and allies are won by showing mercy and that being an overly harda** individual has a ton of downsides.
You’re focused on win-win and on solutions, not on punishing the mistakes of the past.
Your compass is oriented toward moving forward rather than spinning in circles. You’re not interested in litigating what’s already happened or in holding grudges.
Where at all possible, you let it go and move on to bigger and better things.
Making maturity count
Ask yourself the question again:
Are you a confident guy?
By now you should be more aware of the areas in which you are confident and those areas where you could use some work.
Using the list above, have a go at it!
Life’s a dance you learn as you go, and it’s never too late to become more confident and secure in yourself.
