Liv Walde
βIs he husband material?!β
Wehther swiping through dating profiles or deciding if a new love interest is up to standard, the question above inevitably arises.
Sure, good looks and a shared love of trashy reality TV are nice perks, but if you’re envisioning a life-long partnership, you’ll want more substantial traits.
Luckily, psychology can guide us toward a set of characteristics that indicate a man is built for the long haul.
Letβs dive into the top 10 and see where you/your dream man stands!
1) He’s definitely emotionally available (no ghosting here!)
Thereβs nothing worse than having someone pull a vanishing act on you, particularly after a series of promising dates (or promising years on a relationship!)
A truly solid partner, and the type youβre looking for if marriage is on your cards, will not ghost you when things get tough, or if he gets very busy.
This is because ghosting is an emotionally immature, avoidant tactic that signals a lack of readiness for a real relationship.
So if heβs shows up consistently, even through the bad bits (the arguing, the tension, the disagreements), and doesnβt waver in his commitment to you, it sounds like good news to me!
An added bonus is if heβs comfortable expressing his feelings and has exceptional conflict resolution skills.
All in all, an emotionally available man is probably the right choice if youβre looking for longterm.
2) He’s got a pretty secure attachment style (neither anxious nor avoidant)
Attachment theory offers a valuable framework for understanding relationship dynamics.
Men with a secure attachment style are generally more comfortable with intimacy and commitment. They don’t play mind games, chase unavailable partners, or cling on too tightly.
On top of that, if youβre looking to have kids, research suggests securely attached people have securely attached kids, and tend to make better parents!
3) Teamwork makes the dream work
A man with a good about of husband material in him doesn’t see a relationship as a tally of scores, but as a partnership.
Because there are few things worse than feeling like youβre competing against your partner; every argument a case of winners and losers, every success paleing when you throw your partnerβs accomplishments a side glance.
None of that; a decent man is happy to divvy up chores, celebrates your wins, and views decision-making as a collaborative process.
Psychology tells us that couples who feel like equal partners often enjoy greater satisfaction and longevity (known as equity theory).
After all, no one wants to be forever stuck doing all the dishes! Rotate those chores and youβll both be smiling.
4) When he fights, he fights fair (and knows when to apologize)
Disagreements are bound to happen in any long-term relationship. If anything, Iβd be more worried if you never fight at all, as when the inevitable fight happens, you wonβt have built up conflict resolution skills to pull you through it.
A husband-worthy man doesn’t resort to personal attacks, stonewalling, or the silent treatment.
He fights fair β focusing on the issue at hand, owning up to his mistakes, and prioritizing finding a resolution over winning the argument.
As we covered above, he doesnβt see fights as winners and losers, but rather something you have to work together to overcome.
5) He gets a little silly sometimes
The ability to laugh together, even during difficult times, is relationship gold.
But this canβt happen all too easy when someone is a little too serious, particularly if the thing they take the most seriously is themselves. You know what I mean; stern face, begrudging expression, canβt take a joke in any form.
So, look for a man who can make you giggle, who doesn’t take himself too seriously.
Life involves a great deal of ups and downs, and what helps immensely is someone at your side who helps you find the absurdity in life’s little annoyances.
Laughter, as research confirms, strengthens bonds and boosts happiness.
6) He’s got a vision for whatβs to come
It’s attractive to see a man with ambition and a plan for his life. Itβs even sexier if youβre included in that vision.
But hey, we all know life never goes 100% to plan.
Being so rigidly attached to a vision (maybe money, fame, a penthouse) and then falling from grace when these big plans donβt happen isnβt the best mindset to have, either.
Thatβs why a potential husband isn’t concretely set in his plans. He knows life likes to throw curveballs, and heβs adaptable enough to pivot, adjust, and grow as needed.
He’s ambitious yet adaptable β driven to grow but willing to adjust the plan when needed. You need a partner who can roll with the punches and be supportive as your own goals evolve.
7) He’s a good listener (and actually remembers what you say)
Itβs all good and well laughing monotonously whenever your partner tries to crack a joke (even though all youβre thinking about on the inside is that milkshake youβve been craving all day.)
We all crave feeling truly heard, feeling truly seen, feeling trulyβ¦funny.
Now, as we explored above, Mr. Husband Material has a sense of humor. On top of that, he doesn’t dominate conversations, interrupt, or zone out when you’re talking about your day.
In fact, he pays attention, asks thoughtful questions, and remembers those little details that show he genuinely cares. Basically, heβs an active listening expert.
After all, isn’t half of marriage just tolerating your partner’s retelling of the same story on repeat and still acknowledging them to keep going?
8) Self-aware and continuously working on himself
He might be a lilβ proud of how far heβs come (especially having bagged you!), but heβs not done yet.
No: he knows that none of us are perfect. So, whilst heβs self-aware of his shortcomings and his strengths, heβs always actively seeking to improve in whatever ways he can.
He’s not afraid of therapy, personal growth, or a little constructive feedback. Heβs a big boy! He takes it on the chin!
Remember, marriage doesnβt mean you’re signing up to be his life coach.
Plus, it’s way sexier when a man is motivated to become his best self without your constant nagging (which will likely tire you both out quickly and lead to some resentment anyway!)
9) He’s friends with your friends (even theβ¦ quirky ones!)
Sure, it’s about the love between you two, but integrating into each other’s lives is crucial.
Mr. Husband Material makes an effort to get to know your people and builds genuine bonds with them. Because he values you so much, the become you view as important become important to him.
Thus, he understands that your friends are an extension of you and treats them with the utmost kindness and courtesy.
On top of that, he’s likely got a solid friend group of his own, signaling his ability to build healthy relationships and allowing you both a good dose of independence.
10) Heβs your safe space
Finally, he should feel like your safe haven.
You should feel your body relax and your mind quieten down is presence. Itβs this feeling of safety with a partner that lays the foundation for lasting love.
And by this, I donβt just mean physical safety. Obviously, you should never feel on edge or threatened by his presence.
Husband material makes you feel emotionally safe β you’re free to be your true, messy self without fear of judgment.
He’s also financially responsible, so you know he’s not secretly planning to run off with your life savings and join the circus.
Soβ¦is he husband material?!
While no one is perfect, the qualities discussed above provide a strong foundation for a lasting and fulfilling partnership.
If your man possesses many of these traits, consider yourself lucky!
Remember, a successful marriage requires mutual effort, growth, and an unwavering commitment to weathering life together.
