6 traits of women who don’t need a man to feel complete

Growing up, I used to think every princess needed a prince to save her and make her queen.

As a result, I fervently clung to my romantic relationships as a teenager, obsessed with each and every boy who showed some kind of interest in me.

It took me many years, failed relationships, and a great deal of personal growth to recognize I do not actually need a man to feel happy.

In fact, there are plenty of things I absolutely love about singledom, and if a new man were to come into my life right now, I’d want him to offer me something better than what I have as a single woman – which is a pretty damn difficult task, I’m not going to lie.

I’m complete on my own.

And you can be, too.

Here are the 6 traits of women who don’t need a man to feel complete.

1) They don’t need male validation to feel good about themselves

There’s a reason why everyone detests a pick-me girl: she tramples all over other women just to get a man to like her, thereby distancing herself from her authentic core and seeking external validation to receive a confidence boost.

While a pick-me girl may win the favor of a man she fancies, there are multiple downsides to her endeavor, including the fact that she doesn’t validate her own experience and therefore ties her self-esteem to someone else’s perception of her.

Plus, she may struggle to hold onto female friends because she isn’t one to follow the girl code.

A woman who doesn’t need a man to feel complete is the opposite of that.

She is wholly herself; she doesn’t put on pretense just to please; she knows what she’s worth and won’t fake her way into a man’s good books.

I know from personal experience just how empowering it is when you disregard the male gaze for a moment and begin to express yourself as you are.

You don’t need a man to tell you you’re amazing, beautiful, or worthy of love. You already are all those things. If he doesn’t see that, someone else will.

Of course, a little bit of external validation has never hurt anybody. As psychotherapist Sherry Gaba LCSW says, “Keep in mind that validation is not a bad thing in your life; it is affirming and positive. It only becomes problematic when it becomes the focus of all you do.”

In summary, don’t overdo it. Male validation can be flattering from time to time, but it shouldn’t be the basis upon which you build your self-esteem.

2) They lead a rich inner life

The secret to fighting the male gaze is, as hinted above, self-validation. And self-validation is inherently tied to your self-awareness, emotional maturity, and self-love.

“Self-validation is accepting your own internal experience, your thoughts, and your feelings,” says Karyn Hall Ph.D.

“Learning to self-validate is not so easy. Notice that mindfulness and self-validation go hand in hand. Being mindful of the thoughts you are having and the feelings you are experiencing is necessary before you can validate that internal experience.”

Want to know how I managed to achieve this?

By spending a great deal of time in my head. By realizing that I love my inner life, that I appreciate the richness of my imagination, and that I enjoy my own company.

By becoming my best friend.

And that brings us to the next point…

3) They aren’t afraid to do things on their own

I hate going outside my comfort zone because it makes me anxious.

I also love it because it forces me to grow and leads me to make incredible memories, meet new people, and enjoy life in all its richness.

If no one wants to come to the cinema with me, I’ll go on my own. If I want to go on a trip abroad and all my friends are busy, I’ll just book a solo trip. If I feel like going on a hike, I’ll plan it myself and head out into nature for what I call a nice little solo date.

I didn’t use to be this way. Over time, though, I constantly pushed myself to do the scary thing and say “yes” even though my fear was screaming “no.”

Years later, here I am, solo traveling, going to restaurants with no one but a book in my hand, meeting strangers, and having a blast in my own company.

And it’s so freeing I honestly can’t even put it into words.

I don’t need a man to go on trips or dates with – I’m already doing all those things. If a man can’t offer me high-quality companionship, I can just as well enjoy myself without him in the picture.

Step outside your comfort zone. Stop waiting for someone to hold your hand. Do the scary thing.

4) They value and maintain their friendships

Of course, women who don’t need men to feel complete aren’t just alone all the damn time.

In fact, they’re often surrounded by amazing friends or relatives who contribute to their well-being and offer excellent emotional support.

Have you ever noticed that couples tend to withdraw into their own private bubbles and put their friendships on the back burner?

It happens far too often, and it usually comes to bite them later on when they realize they need a friend to confide in and have no one to turn to.

Well, an independent and confident woman who doesn’t center men in her life isn’t like that. On the contrary, she knows just how valuable her friendships are, and she puts in active effort to maintain and cultivate her non-romantic relationships.

This is also why she won’t settle for just about anyone on a romantic level – her friends show her what real love looks like and set the bar pretty high, which means that a man who doesn’t meet the same standards doesn’t really fit into the picture.

Personally, no man has ever loved me with the same fervor, devotion, and energy as my closest friends have. And until I find someone who does, I have no reason to settle.

5) They are self-sufficient

“Self-sufficiency is the quality of feeling secure and content with oneself, a deep-rooted sense of inner completeness and stability,” writes Steve Taylor Ph.D, a senior lecturer in psychology at Leeds Beckett University.

“On a superficial level, it’s similar to secure self-esteem — it’s an estimation of oneself as a worthy and decent person. But it goes deeper than secure self-esteem, in that it’s not just a cognitive but also an affective state — that is, it’s a feeling of fundamental wholeness and well-being.”

Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?

And there’s more.

A self-sufficient woman isn’t just whole on an emotional and intellectual level; she can also look after herself where practical matters are concerned.

If she needs to fix something at home, she’ll look it up on the internet and set to work.

If she’s confused about something, she’ll consult a friend or find an expert who can help her.

Way too many men think women need them to fix their sink or mow the lawn when in reality, these kinds of jobs aren’t gendered.

While it may take a woman longer to carry something heavy from point A to point B, it doesn’t mean she won’t get it done eventually.

6) They’re so happy on their own that they won’t settle for less than they deserve

All the above-mentioned points boil down to one thing: a woman who doesn’t need a man to feel complete is so self-sufficient, confident, and fulfilled in her singledom that she won’t just accept less than what she wants and needs from a man.

Look, I’m doing extremely well here. If you want to be in a relationship with me, you’re not competing against other men. You’re competing against my own peace of mind.

I’m looking for quality time, commitment, devotion, aligned values, adventure, and friendship. I’m looking for someone who can fulfil me just as much as my best friends can.

Why should I settle for any less when I’m perfectly happy as it is?

Exactly.

Thus the final item on our list – women who are complete on their own don’t view singledom as a transitory state of misery they’ve got to be rescued from.

They view it as a fun and fulfilling stage of life that is valid in and of itself.