Paul Brian
There are certain people who never get jealous of others.
How do they do it?
Here’s the ugly truth that a lot of self-development coaches and writers won’t tell you:
It’s easy to talk about gratitude and how bad jealousy is when you’re doing well in life.
When you’re on the side that’s winning, it’s easy to tell the losers to cheer up. When you’re finding meaningful relationships, working in a job you love, have a support network around you.
Come on, why be jealous and resentful, man?
But what about when your needs aren’t being met? What about when you’re on the bottom and not sure how to rise up?
How do you avoid jealousy then? What’s the secret of those who don’t get jealous of the success of others, even while they themselves are struggling, suffering or falling short.
Let’s take a look…
1) Healthy competitiveness
First and foremost, the best antidote to jealousy is healthy competition.
Jealousy is often based on feeling like a victim; competition is the opposite.
When you tap into that desire to do better, win and succeed, it’s a healthy and vitalistic feeling.
Rather than complaining or feeling sorry for what you haven’t received or the bad cards you’ve been dealt, you’re out there making your own way and living your own life.
You want to succeed and you’re determined to do so.
You’re not focused on what others have, you’re focused on what you are building and what you will have.
2) Focused on own goals
This relates to the previous point:
It’s hard to be focused on the success of others when your heart and mind are aimed at your own goals.
The success and achievements of other people are things you may still notice, but you notice them only in order to see if you resonate with them.
Does that life speak to me? What is it about that relationship the other person has that speaks to me or that doesn’t speak to me?
The success of others isn’t producing jealousy, it’s producing inspiration for your own goals.
3) Hard working and gung ho
There’s zero time to be jealous and bitter if you’re sweating and focused on your work.
It’s simple:
The person who doesn’t get jealous knows that envy comes from idle hands.
They are the devil’s workshop, after all.
By staying busy and focusing on action and real work, the non-jealous individual gets rid of a resentful and jealous inclination.
They’re too busy to be jealous.
It’s hard to be jealous when you’re working hard and staying on mission.
4) High self-worth
A high self-worth is crucial to avoid jealousy.
When somebody feels they’re fundamentally a worthwhile and valuable individual, they don’t spend time looking around at what others are doing that’s better than them and feel bitter.
Because they know even if they don’t get the spouse, the house or the corner office, it’s not a reflection on their value.
The irony is that those who doubt their value can end up getting all the outer things they want but still feel utterly empty inside.
No matter how well or how poorly you’re doing in life, nothing can replace a high sense of self-worth.
5) Good sense of humor
Those who don’t get jealous of the success of others also have a very good sense of humor.
Let’s face it:
Life is full of situations where you really do get treated unfairly or get a bad break. Life is full of times when people get success that absolutely should have come to you but went to them by chance or by circumstance.
But even if you got passed over for a job promotion you know you should have gotten and you’re watching the office bully take the corner office that should have been yours, the next move is up to you.
Do you descend into trying to sabotage this person and let the jealousy consume you?
Or do you see the funny side of this clownish office character and how petty it ultimately is that this is likely the pinnacle of his life.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion that can creep in when you least expect it, but humor and seeing the funny side of life is like an antidote that stops us from taking everything so seriously.
6) Light on drama
Those who avoid jealousy even when they’re down do so through a big picture mentality.
Their wife may have left and they may see lousy people triumphing who don’t seem to deserve it. But then again innocent people die of horrible diseases they don’t deserve every day.
None of us are spared or given a free ride in life, even the most innocent and wonderful.
It’s just not worth it to get too deep into deciding what other people do and don’t deserve in their lives. If that was in their destiny, so be it.
You’re focused on finding your destiny, not judging theirs.
Drama should remain a film and TV genre. Those who don’t get jealous go light on drama because it’s not worth their time and energy.
7) Abundance mindset
Jealousy is far from just an emotion. It’s a perception or judgment that there just isn’t enough to go around.
If there is one sandwich and you are extremely hungry but another person takes the sandwich before you get to the lunch counter, you’re likely to feel resentful.
You’ll want that sandwich for yourself.
But if there are ten sandwiches and the guy ahead takes two or even three, you’re not two worried. There’s still plenty for you.
The person who doesn’t get jealous has an abundance mindset. He or she knows that just because some people are succeeding and “winning” in life doesn’t mean they can’t or won’t.
8) Faith in humanity
It can be difficult to maintain a faith in humanity.
But those who don’t get lost in jealousy find a way to keep their hope alive.
They find the best in others and believe in people as a whole, even when an individual or two may let them down.
The success of others (earned or unearned) isn’t their primary focus, because they address their energy toward improving the lot of humanity as a whole.
Many may be succeeding who don’t deserve it, but many are suffering who also could use help. They choose to focus on those in need and helping them, rather than in coveting what those with surplus have in their lives.
Those who escape jealousy have a basic and enduring faith in humanity that keeps them from losing hope or becoming resentful.
Goodbye, jealousy
Saying goodbye to jealousy can be hard.
For me it’s a bit like an old friend who I’ve gotten used to and even befriended. But jealousy and I have less and less in common.
I’m ready to move on with life and stop focusing on what’s missing and start focusing much more on what I’m doing about it.
The victim mindset that fuels jealousy is gone. Hard work and dedication have taken over.
How about you?
