7 traits of people who love deeply, even when they’ve been hurt before

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It’s always been interesting to me how differently people respond to pain.

While person A and person B may have both been hurt in the past, A will take that anger out on others whilst B will exude kindness and stubborn optimism.

A will perpetuate the same cycle. B will break out of it.

What sets them apart?

At the end of the day, I think it boils down to love.

How deeply do you allow yourself to love people and the world you live in?

These are the 7 traits of people who love deeply, even when they’ve been hurt before.

1) They’re scared to love again but brave enough to give it another chance

While the depth of our love cannot be easily measured or calculated, there *is* a way to tell if someone loves deeply or not – and it lies in their decision to let themselves experience it.

Here’s the deal. If you’ve been hurt in the past, you’ll find it incredibly difficult to open up to someone and trust them with your heart again.

Been there, done that. Painful experiences give rise to anger and fear, which in turn makes you want to run away from vulnerability at the speed of light.

You simply don’t want anyone to hurt you like that ever again.

But here’s where people who love deeply differ from others. They are just as terrified, they are just as doubtful…but they jump in anyway.

They know that the alternative is living alone for the rest of their life, and while some people enjoy that, most of us need companionship in order to thrive.

If you don’t give love another chance, you’ll never find out what could have been.

2) They make their relationships a number one priority

The reason people who love deeply have the courage to let themselves experience love in the first place is that they understand the inherent value of relationships.

I’m not saying it’s okay to be co-dependent or overly reliant on others, of course. But the point still stands that the quality of your relationships largely impacts your mental and physical health.

If you shield yourself from forming genuine connections and only focus on other aspects of life – work, hobbies, fitness, books, you name it – you will undoubtedly thrive in some ways, but there is a high chance you’ll still end up feeling… empty.


One word: loneliness.

Loneliness is a bit of a pandemic these days, but the fact that it’s so normalized doesn’t mean it’s okay. Not only can it cause depression and anxiety but it’s also the possible root of many chronic health conditions.  

The decision to let yourself love deeply is also the decision to live a healthier and happier life.

3) They pull their weight in relationships

It is one thing to love someone; it is another to show it through consistent effort.

As someone who loves very deeply, be it a romantic relationship or a friendship, I love nurturing my connections with others on a regular basis.

I make it a point to meet up with my friends every week. I like to plan fun dates, go to events, play board games together, and have frequent calls if my relationship with someone has to be long-distance for a while.

In other words, I pull my weight. I pour in my energy and time. And I don’t see this as a sacrifice by any means – on the contrary, spending time with my loved ones is something I cherish more than anything.

If there’s a problem in one of my relationships, I try my best to resolve it in a way that helps us grow.

My intentions are always clear – I want us both to be happy with the dynamic we have, even if it means working through some hard stuff or compromising on certain issues.

4) They will never intentionally hurt you

When someone hurts you, the best kind of revenge is to live a happy and peaceful life. In other words, the best revenge is not to seek any.

People who love deeply will never take their bitterness or anger out on others. They won’t approach you with malicious intentions; they won’t fake niceness just to get what they want; they won’t go behind your back.

This is because they know what it’s like to be hurt, betrayed, humiliated, and wounded. And they wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone, least of all somebody they genuinely care for.

This is what I love most about people like that – they aren’t interested in perpetuating the cycle of pain. They rise above it.

Not only does this make them incredibly loveable but it also makes their own life much easier. Shaking all that negativity off leads to a simpler, more peaceful life filled with joy.

5) They will show you love in the way you want and deserve

I find it fascinating that we all like to be loved in different ways.

While I love hugs and a nice afternoon spent reading next to each other, my friend is a sucker for love letters and men who clean around the house.

(Well, the latter probably applies to every woman on Earth, but you get the point.)

When two people’s love languages differ, it takes some extra effort to express one’s love in a way that makes the other person feel appreciated.

And this is where people who love deeply excel – they strive to show their love in the best way they know how, and if that means going outside their comfort zone, so be it.

6) They are stubbornly optimistic

Perhaps the most important trait of people who love deeply despite having been hurt before is that they simply refuse to give in to resentment.

It’d be extremely easy to get lost in all the pain, to convince oneself that the world is a bad and evil place, and to never open up ever again. It’d feel safe. Comforting.

It’d also be terribly lonely.

When you decide to love again, you’re not only making the choice to believe someone won’t break your heart. No, you’re also deciding to believe in yourself – to believe that if you get hurt, you will be able to overcome it once more.

You simply refuse to believe that misery is the only option, and you trust that you’re strong enough to withstand it if it ever washes over you again.

7) They will let you go if that’s what you want

When we think of “loving deeply”, we imagine a love so overwhelming that it holds on tightly.

But that’s not true.

At its core, love is the complete opposite of possession or co-dependence. Love is about respect and appreciation so deep that you’ll only wish the person you love the very best – even if it means letting them go.

Therefore, people who love deeply will do their best to nurture their relationships and express their appreciation, but they also won’t hold you back if you decide to leave.

Because deep and genuine love is selfless

Denisa Cerna

Hi! I’m a fiction author and a non-fiction freelance writer with a passion for personal development, mental health, and all things psychology. I have a graduate degree in Comparative Literature MA and I spend most of my time reading, travelling, and – shocker – writing. I’m always on a quest to better understand the inner workings of the human mind and I love sharing my insights with the world. If any of my articles change your life for the better… mission accomplished.
Get in touch at denisacerna.writing@gmail.com or find me on LinkedIn.

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