Eliza Hartley
We often scold our children for too much screen time, but what we don’t realize is that we’re feeding the cycle right from the start.
Every time we hand them a device to keep them quiet at mealtime, we might be unknowingly reinforcing the very behavior we’re trying to stop.
Psychology shows that parents who lean on screens during meals have certain traits that affect their children’s emotional and social development.
Let’s take a look at what these traits are—and why they matter more than we think.
1) Craving for peace
Mealtime with kids can often feel chaotic. For many parents, screens offer a brief moment of peace, keeping children entertained and giving parents a much-needed break.
In the midst of a busy day, screens serve as a digital pacifier, offering temporary relief from the constant demands of family life.
The goal isn’t just convenience—it’s about carving out a moment of calm during the hectic whirlwind of parenting.
This small, quiet time can help restore balance and make the day feel more manageable.
2) Juggling multiple responsibilities
I remember days when I felt like a circus performer, juggling a million things at once.
Work emails flooded in, the house was a mess, and my toddler needed constant attention—all while trying to get dinner on the table.
More than once, I found myself handing over a tablet just to grab a few moments of peace.
Parents who frequently turn to screens during meals feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities.
It’s not that they don’t want to engage with their kids; they’re simply struggling to keep everything in balance.
The screen offers a temporary escape, providing a brief moment to catch up on other tasks.
But the key word here is “temporary.” Relying on screens regularly can affect a child’s social and emotional growth.
Balancing life’s demands is tough, no question. Still, it’s important to find healthier ways to manage stress and juggle tasks effectively.
3) Struggle with patience
There’s no denying it—kids can really test your patience. They’re picky eaters, they play with their food, and they’re easily distracted by everything around them.
In the midst of another long, drawn-out meal, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and frustrated.
The temptation to hand over a gadget to speed up the process becomes strong, offering a quick fix to get them focused and quiet.
Parents who frequently rely on screens during mealtimes might be dealing with more than just mealtime struggles; they could be facing burnout, feeling drained by the constant balancing act of daily life.
Screens, in these moments, become a shortcut to a smoother, faster mealtime—offering brief relief from the chaos.
David Bly reminds us, “Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.” Our actions, especially in moments of struggle, shape the way they navigate the world.
4) Misguided attempts at education
Here’s something that might surprise you.
Many parents who frequently use screens during mealtime do so with the best of intentions. They believe they’re providing an educational experience for their kids.
With countless learning apps and educational videos available, it’s easy to see why parents might think this way.
However, while these resources can have their place, mealtimes should ideally be screen-free zones.
Psychology tells us that children learn best through real-world experiences and interactions.
A screen, no matter how educational the content, can’t replace the social and emotional learning that comes from a shared mealtime.
It’s essential to keep in mind that not every moment needs to be ‘productive’ in a traditional sense.
Sometimes, the simple act of eating together, conversing and bonding over food can be the most valuable lesson of all.
5) Feeling of inadequacy
This might hit home for many parents.
Those who rely on screens during mealtimes might feel like they’re falling short. They may believe a screen does a better job of keeping their child calm and entertained than they can.
It’s tough, but it’s something worth addressing. No app or cartoon can replace the importance of real human connection.
Feeling inadequate is a struggle many parents face, but parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up and doing your best for your kids.
There’s no app that can replace the value of being present.
As Jill Churchill wisely said, “There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” It’s all about doing your best in the moment.
6) Fear of conflict
I’ll be the first to admit, conflicts are tough to handle, especially with young ones.
Parents who consistently use screens during meals might be doing so out of a fear of conflict. The screen serves as a distraction, a way to avoid potential meltdowns or arguments over food.
But here’s the thing – conflicts, while uncomfortable, are part of life. They provide opportunities for learning and growth.
By avoiding them, we miss out on a chance to teach our children important life skills like negotiation, compromise, and resilience.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we intentionally create conflict at the dinner table.
But when they naturally arise, it’s better to face them head-on rather than hide behind a screen. It’s not always easy, but the lessons learned are invaluable.
7) Desire for control
This might be difficult to accept, but sometimes, parents who rely on screens during mealtimes do so because they want to maintain control.
The screen serves as a tool to manage a child’s behavior, ensuring they stay seated, finish their meal, and avoid causing a scene. It offers a quick and easy solution to maintain order.
But here’s the problem: while the screen may provide a sense of control in the moment, it can lead to a loss of control in the future.
Constant use of screens can make children dependent, leading to potential problems with their behavior, sleep, and even cognitive development.
What seems like control now may cause issues later.
Final thoughts
While screens can offer a temporary solution to the chaos of mealtime, it’s important to consider the long-term effects they may have on our children’s development.
The traits we exhibit as parents—seeking peace, juggling responsibilities, and striving for control—can shape the way our children grow and interact with the world.
Instead of relying on digital distractions, it’s essential to find healthier, more meaningful ways to engage with our kids during mealtime.
After all, the lessons we teach through real connection and presence are far more valuable than any screen can provide. Let’s aim to be the kind of parents who show up, imperfections and all.
