Ethan Sterling
There’s a thin line between genuine self-assurance and an inflated ego, and it’s often harder to distinguish than we realize.
While true confidence radiates from a place of inner security and self-respect, some traits that are commonly mistaken for confidence are actually rooted in insecurity or arrogance.
I’ve seen how easy it is to confuse someone who speaks loudly and appears dominant with someone who is truly comfortable in their own skin.
That’s why, in this article, we’ll explore 9 traits that many people misinterpret as confidence—and why they’re actually signs of something much less empowering.
Understanding these can help you avoid falling into these traps and foster a more genuine, grounded sense of self-belief.
1) Arrogance
Confidence is often mistaken for arrogance, and it’s quite easy to see why.
Typically, when we see someone who exudes a strong sense of self-belief, we admire them. We may see them as a leader or an inspiration.
But here’s where the confusion lies.
Arrogance is when that self-belief becomes inflated, leading a person to believe they’re superior to others. It’s a trait that can damage relationships and create unnecessary conflicts.
Real confidence, on the other hand, is about having faith in your abilities without belittling others.
It’s about respect – for both yourself and those around you.
So if you notice someone constantly putting others down to elevate themselves, that’s not confidence. That’s arrogance.
And it’s a toxic trait that should never be mistaken for self-assuredness.
2) Dominating conversations
I remember a time when I was at a social gathering, and there was this one individual who just took over any conversation he was part of.
At first, it seemed like he was confident, that he knew what he was talking about.
But after a while, it became clear that he wasn’t really interested in what anyone else had to say.
He was only interested in making sure his voice was the one being heard.
Now, there’s nothing wrong with being an active participant in a conversation.
But true confidence is about knowing when to speak, and equally importantly, when to listen.
This person was not confident. He was insecure, trying to control the conversation to reassure himself of his own worth.
Dominating conversations is often mistaken for confidence.
But in reality, it’s often a sign of insecurity, a need for validation – and that’s definitely toxic.
3) Ignoring feedback
Feedback is a crucial part of growth and development.
It helps us recognize our strengths and identify areas we need to improve.
However, some people interpret their ability to reject feedback as a sign of confidence.
They believe that standing their ground and rejecting criticism demonstrates strength.
Here’s something to consider though: according to research, people who were not able to foster confidence growing up typically struggle to accept criticism and use it for self-improvement.
In this sense, ignoring feedback isn’t confidence. It’s fear of facing one’s shortcomings.
Confidence involves acknowledging your weaknesses and working on them, not just basking in your strengths.
4) Over-competitiveness
Competition can be healthy. It can drive us to improve, to strive for better, and to challenge ourselves.
But when it becomes an obsession, it’s no longer healthy or confident.
Over-competitiveness is often mistaken for confidence. It’s seen as a sign of determination and ambition.
But when winning becomes everything, and losing isn’t an option, it’s not about confidence anymore.
True confidence is about being secure in your abilities, whether you win or lose.
It’s about learning from each experience and growing as a result.
So if you notice someone who can’t handle losing or who must always be the best at everything, that’s not confidence – it’s insecurity masked by excessive competitiveness.
5) Avoiding risks
We often associate confidence with boldness, with the ability to take risks and step out of our comfort zones.
But sometimes, people avoid risks under the guise of confidence.
They might say, “I know my limits,” or “I don’t need to prove anything,” and while there’s a certain truth to knowing your boundaries, consistently avoiding risks isn’t a mark of confidence.
True confidence involves taking calculated risks.
It’s about recognizing the potential for failure, but moving forward anyway because you believe in your ability to handle whatever outcome may arise.
So, if someone is always playing it safe and never taking chances, it might not be confidence they’re exhibiting, but rather fear and uncertainty.
6) Constant need for validation
We all like to feel appreciated and valued. It’s human nature.
But there’s a stark difference between enjoying appreciation and constantly seeking validation.
I’ve met people who cannot make a decision or take a step forward without the approval of others.
They seek constant reassurance that they’re doing the right thing, that they’re good enough, that they’re liked.
This is often confused with confidence because these individuals appear to be so concerned with doing things right.
But real confidence comes from within.
It’s about approving of yourself, knowing your worth, and not relying on others to validate your existence or actions.
The constant need for validation isn’t confidence.
It’s an emotional dependency posing as self-assuredness, and it’s a trait that can lead to disappointment and heartache.
7) Always being right
I used to have a friend who could never admit when they were wrong.
Even when faced with concrete evidence, they would find a way to twist the circumstances to make it seem like they were still right.
This trait was often mistaken for confidence.
After all, having strong convictions can be a sign of self-assuredness.
However, in reality, it was an inability to accept their mistakes and learn from them.
It was a fear of appearing weak or incorrect.
True confidence is about being secure enough in yourself to admit when you’re wrong and take steps to learn and grow from those mistakes.
8) Being unempathetic
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
It’s a trait that’s often overlooked in discussions about confidence.
Some people mistake a lack of empathy for confidence, seeing it as a sign of emotional strength or independence.
They believe that not being affected by others’ emotions means they’re strong.
But true confidence includes the ability to empathize with others.
It means understanding that everyone has their own battles and respecting those experiences.
An unempathetic person isn’t confident.
They’re disconnected, hiding behind a facade of indifference to mask their inability to connect on a deeper level.
9) Inability to celebrate others’ success
One of the most telling traits that’s often mistaken for confidence is the inability to celebrate others’ successes.
Some people view others’ achievements as a threat, a direct comparison that makes them feel less accomplished.
This is seen as a form of self-assurance, a way of maintaining one’s own status.
But true confidence isn’t threatened by others’ accomplishments.
It’s secure enough to recognize and celebrate someone else’s success without feeling diminished.
When you can genuinely be happy for someone else’s triumphs, that’s not just confidence – it’s grace, humility, and strength.
The essence: It’s about authenticity
Confidence and toxicity may sometimes look similar on the surface, but their roots and outcomes couldn’t be more different.
Genuine confidence comes from self-awareness, humility, and inner security, while toxic traits like arrogance, dominance, or manipulation are often born from deep-seated insecurity.
By recognizing the difference, you can not only avoid mistaking these harmful behaviors for confidence in others but also reflect on your own actions to ensure they come from a place of authenticity.
True confidence doesn’t need to overshadow or belittle others—it uplifts and inspires.
Striving for this kind of self-assurance will lead to healthier relationships, personal growth, and a stronger sense of self-worth.
