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15 signs you’re giving too much and getting nothing in return (and what to do about it)

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You’ve given too much – your time, money, energy, and emotions. And have no idea if you need to keep going on like this.

Like you, I can feel how exhausting it can be. Sometimes scared that the world would collapse without you

These are the signs that you need to look out for as you’re already giving too much of yourself.

Let me also share what you can do to help lighten that load and the burn-out.

15 signs that reveal you’re giving too much

A healthy relationship is supposed to give and take, but more often than not, you’re only the one doing the “giving.”

It’s okay to be generous and selfless, but being an over-giver and not getting anything in return can be soul-drenching.

And it’s so easy to slip into the red flag zone when your thoughtful and accommodating nature becomes unhealthy.

1) You’re emotionally and physically exhausted

You look tired. Your soul feels drenched.

You’re not just a bit worn, but your energy seems to get drenched already. There’s even an unfamiliar beat of resentment that surrounds you.

No matter how much rest you take, you can’t shake off these feelings. Even taking a weekend vacation fails to refresh you.

Do you feel like not getting out of bed as there’s nothing left to give anymore? Does it feel like you’re being pulled in too many directions – that you don’t know where to go?

Then, take caution as you’re experiencing generosity burn-out.

2) You feel being controlled

It’s your life and you should be the one in charge of it.

But when you’re giving too much of yourself, it seems that someone else is taking control of you. And this is the worst thing one can feel.

Now you feel helpless like you’re just along for the ride or a puppet on a string. This is a red flag sign as it could mean that you’re being taken advantage of.

You’re in an unhealthy, one-sided relationship as the way people are manipulating you is so overpowering.

What can you do about this?

Let me tell you that you can change this.

We can actually reshape the situation to create fulfilling lives that are in line with what matters most to us.

The truth is:

Once we remove the social conditioning and unrealistic expectations of our family, friends, partner, even what society has put onto us, the limits to what we can achieve are endless.

I learned this (and much more) from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandé. In this excellent free video, he explains how you can lift the mental chains so you can get back to the core of your being.

A word of warning, Rudá won’t reveal pretty words of wisdom that offer false comfort. Instead, his incredible approach will force you to look at yourself in a way you have never before.

So if you want to align your dreams with your reality, and revolutionize your relationships with others, take the first step.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

3) You feel withdrawn from people you’re helping

You once enjoyed giving them whatever they needed from you. But now it seems like you have pushed past your limit.

Being around them doesn’t lift your spirits anymore. You become detached and even cynical about helping them.

You even find yourself getting irritable that you tend to snap when they ask for something.

When you feel a sense of resentment every time someone needs you, it’s because you’re giving too much but not getting anything in return.

4) Whatever you do feels mechanical

You feel like you’re not good enough.

Nothing brings you joy and pleasure any more. You even think that you’re ineffective on all fronts – with your family and friends, with your partner, at home, and at work.

Sometimes, you see yourself as a failure for not being able to measure up to their needs and standards.

When you get frustrated with the situation you’re into, then you know that you have given too much.

And never let the feelings of unworthiness get to you.

You’re valuable – and what you’ve done is already more than enough.

5) Their needs always come first

Instead of thinking about your needs and making yourself happy, you’re taking care of others at the expense of your own.

Even if you’re not tired of how things are going, you still don’t want to upset them.

While there are times wherein you have to make personal sacrifices, doing them all the time isn’t healthy anymore.

Adele Alligood, an EndThrive relationship expert, shares that “the more people suppressed their needs for the more depressed they tend to be.

“Do you always feel the need to take care of them – even if they don’t deserve it or ask for it? Are you afraid that they’ll get hurt or worried that they’ll leave if you say “no?”

And if you find yourself putting your loved ones, partner, or friends all the time, then you’re an over-giver.

6) Keeping the relationship strong is your responsibility

You feel the need to take care of other people that it sucks you real dry.

You believe that you’re the only one who should be working on the relationship and doing all of the emotional work.

You’ll even apologize for things you can’t do or when something else goes wrong.

They might even expect you to do everything for them. And when you try to ask them to do something, they will grudgingly make you feel as guilty as possible.

If you’re always doing things to make them happy but your efforts aren’t reciprocated, you’re likely over-giving.

7) You fear being alone

Does it seem that your friends or partner is slowly drifting away? Or do you feel that their enthusiasm towards what you’re doing for them is starting to fade?

When you reach a point where you’re spoiling them already, it’s a sign that you’re an over-giver. They’re pulling away as there’s no excitement anymore.

But you choose to settle into a situation you’re not happy with.

You keep trying harder for fear of losing them.  Instead of letting go, you’re putting more effort to keep them around.

But doing this will tend to push them away further. It will even take a toll on your self-confidence.

8) You don’t feel like yourself anymore

There seems to be something missing in you that you have no idea about.

Have you lost yourself in the process?

You’ve forgotten about who you are, your dreams, goals, and what you love to do. It could also be that you keep compromising on issues such as whether you’ll go to the gym or spend time with your friends or partner.

You’re once interested in so many things, but now you’ve found yourself with nothing.  Maybe you’ve also let go of all the things that were once important to you.

If this is happening, it’s clear that you’ve spent too much time giving to others and too little time getting anything back.

9) You always want to please people

Do you spend a lot of time worrying about what your family, friends, and partner think of you?

You seem to be the person who wants to make sure that everyone around you is happy and comfortable. You’re afraid of upsetting anyone, seeing them miserable, or making them angry.

It could also be that you keep on thinking about how they will react to you.

You choose to agree and give them what they want.

But you disadvantage yourself in favor of others, as being a serial people pleaser makes you forget to speak up for yourself.

10) Your life is full of negative vibes

You’ve become a victim of your emotions as you allow them to control you.

This is a sign that you’re giving people too much power in your life. And you unknowingly allow them to influence your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings.

Their controlling attitudes, thinking, and outlook can wreak havoc on morale.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

It’s important to regain your personal power and reduce the detrimental impact that negative people have on your life.

Self-love and self-care is the best thing you can do.

Let me share this with you.

When I felt the most lost in life, I got the chance to watch this unusual free breathwork video created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê.

I’m recommending this as this video helped me when my self-esteem and confidence hit rock bottom.

Why am I so confident that this breathing exercise will help you?

It empowered me and helped me combat the negativity that surrounds me – and, if it worked for me, it could help you too.

He cleverly combined his many years of breathwork practice and shamanism to create this incredible flow – and it’s free to take part in.

So if you feel a disconnect with yourself due to giving too much, I’d recommend checking out Rudá’s free breathwork video.

Click here to watch the video.

11) You feel being ignored

After doing someone a huge favor, this person disappears instantly after getting what he needs from you.

They shut you out and would only engage with you when they need something else.

It’s like they’re around as they want something from you. You know that they’ll flake around when you need them most.

You know that you’re not their priority and don’t even care about how you feel.

It’s a cold truth that’s hard to accept as you’re probably compromising too much of yourself.

You might be familiar with how this feels, right?

The people whom you consider as “friends” seem to take advantage of your generosity. You can’t seem to trust them to be honest with you.

When you can’t rely on most of them, then it’s a sign that you’re being an over-giver.

12) You feel guilty for having to say “no”

The word “no” doesn’t resonate with you.

It becomes a challenge for you to refuse without feeling bad, anxious, and uncomfortable with it.

You can’t seem to refuse when they ask or demand something, and sometimes you tend to kick yourself when things get sour

What could be the reasons for this?

  • You’ve forgotten to stand up for yourself
  • You feel forced to do things for them
  • You’re trying to avoid any conflict
  • You feel that you’re being selfish and inconsiderate
  • You’ve failed to acknowledge your own needs
  • You want to be liked and accepted

And you’re being too nice and giving starts to suck out your energy and emotional strength.

13) Your self-esteem is under attack

Giving too much of yourself without getting anything in return has been detrimental to your mental health.

You’re struggling and your self-esteem suffers because you’re afraid of letting other people down. It could be that the people you’ve helped fail to recognize and appreciate the sacrifices you made.

Maybe you didn’t receive any warm and supportive response from them after giving too much of yourself.

No wonder there’s that inner voice that seems to tell you that you’re not good enough or worthy (when in fact, you really are!)

This makes it hard for you to maintain a positive attitude towards the world around you.

It’s time that you deal with this situation so you can give your self-esteem a boost.

You have to be free to be yourself as this is the most essential aspect of your self-worth.

14) Your life is overflowing with drama

Everyone seems to be dumping all their heartaches, problems, and miseries on you.

They are opening up to you for you are supportive, compassionate, and understanding – and you always go out of your way to accommodate them.

While it’s good to lend a listening ear, you feel like you can’t carry on anymore. It’s like you’re getting sucked into their drama that you have no energy left to look after yourself.

You feel exhausted listening to everyone’s problems, but you can’t find someone who wants to hear what’s bothering you. This could also be that they don’t realize how unsupported you feel.

When their negative vibes bring you down, it’s a sign that you’re giving too much. And it’s time to draw the line and set clear boundaries.

15) You don’t have time for yourself anymore

You’re starting to lose sight of your wants, needs, and dreams. You’ve become too caught up in the life of others that you’re neglecting your own.

There seem to be too many responsibilities on your shoulders that you’re not making yourself a priority anymore.

It’s not healthy to give too much when it’s holding you back in your life.

The most important person in your life should always be yourself – and not the person around you.

You have to love yourself this time around.

Don’t wait until you reach the point where you can’t take it anymore. It’s time to give yourself a break – find time to do things that you want to do.

Giving too much and getting nothing in return? Here’s what to do

When you’re experiencing generosity burn-out as you’re not getting anything in return, it’s time to stop giving too much to others.

Say no!

Don’t feel uncomfortable and guilty when you say no. You don’t have to please people and worry about them more than yourself.

Help the right way

Help those who need it and those struggling to do it themselves. Never offer help when you know that someone is just lazy to do it on their own.

Don’t be afraid to ask when you need it

Allow them to help you. Those who value you will offer to help you out in return.

Be generous to those who appreciate it

You don’t have to stop giving to those who don’t take you for granted. There’s someone out there who appreciates and values everything you’ve done.

Acknowledge feelings of resentment and discomfort

Feeling this way means that something is wrong. Ask yourself why you’re feeling this way. Talk to the person about how you feel.

Find ways to boost your self-esteem

Be more compassionate and fully accepting of yourself. Change the way you talk and see yourself. Know that you’re worthy and valuable.

Be a proactive giver

Stop being reactive by always prompting the needs and demands of others. Give and help on your terms and boundaries. You’ll find more pleasure in this.

Know that you’re worthy

You’re selfless, generous, compassionate, and caring. Celebrate your giving heart.

Don’t ignore your feelings

If you’re physically and mentally exhausted, give more time for yourself. Don’t ignore this or say that you’re okay with giving too much. It’s time that you focus on your needs.

Start setting up boundaries

It’s time to break old patterns of being too generous as a way to get their approval. Don’t be afraid of setting limits when you’re giving and helping others. And stick to the boundaries you’ve decided on.

Communicate your situation

Some people won’t understand how you feel unless you explain it to them. Those who truly care would understand if you feel stressed, exhausted, or taken for granted.

Know that the power is in your hands

Keep this in mind: Your life is your responsibility and you’re in charge of it. If you don’t like how things are going, you have a way to change it.

Give your one true thing

You don’t have to give up on giving.

Giving what you can and what you have is good. Just don’t let it out of control as it will compromise your generous nature and sanity.

Keep this in mind: Loving yourself isn’t selfish at all. Value yourself, your time, your energy, and your heart.

It’s time to give yourself the absolute best. You deserve it.

You have to do something to take back control over your body and mind.

When I needed to boost my inner peace, I tried Rudá’s incredible free breathwork video  – and the results were incredible.

I’m confident that this unique breathwork technique will help empower your emotions so you can stop, reset, and reconnect with yourself. Doing so will also create happier relationships with others.

And that’s the reason why I always recommend Rudá’s free breathwork video.

Click here to watch the video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Written by Czaroma Roman

Czaroma is a content strategist and copywriter with a purposeful mindset. She finds fulfillment in crafting content for entrepreneurs and life coaches. In a place of love and growth, she's raising a tribe of three with her husband - and writes to inspire people to create impactful relationships.

Connect with her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

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