Paul Brian
Confidence and self-esteem can be faked.
But only up to a certain point.
Eventually the cracks start to appear, and I’ll show you how to spot them.
These are the tiny actions that reveal a person’s hidden insecurities.
1) Slumped shoulders
This first sign is often at the subconscious level.
At the instinctive level, slumped shoulders represent disappointment, sadness, submission and weakness.
Slumped shoulders and a cowed, submissive position can become like second nature to some people and they don’t even realize they’re doing it.
Despite other signs of confidence and wellbeing, their shrunken posture and demeanor in the way they carry their shoulders is one of the key markers that there is still deep inner insecurity going on with them.
Having slumped shoulders usually represents inner insecurity about: place in society, value, capability.
2) Fidgeting
Fidgeting is a habit that can show a certain amount of boredom and anxiety.
You may just be fidgeting because you aren’t quite sure what to do or are anxious about a situation such as waiting in a doctor’s office waiting room.
It’s worth noting that fidgeting has become much easier to disguise since so many people are now swiping constantly on their smartphones, but this brings up another point:
Overuse of the smartphone and constant swiping is a form of fidgeting and shows somebody who is bored, anxious or insecure with spending time alone with themselves.
Excessive fidgeting often represents inner insecurity about: having done something wrong, fear of saying the wrong thing, being accepted, general nervousness and self-doubt.
3) Flitty gaze
The next of the tiny actions that reveal a person’s hidden insecurities is a flitty gaze.
When somebody’s eyes are constantly darting back and forth it screams insecurity.
This kind of lack of eye contact and constant breaking of eye contact also makes everyone on the receiving end feel kind of nervous and shifty as well.
Difficulty making eye contact often represents inner insecurity about: sexual nervousness or shame, a feeling of low value, fear of being judged.
4) Filler words
Next up we come to filler words.
These are sounds and phrases like “umm,” “uhh,” “errr,” “mehhh,” “like,” and “dunno.”
People who use a ton of filler words are betraying deep inner insecurity and a lack of personal empowerment.
They’re full of “uhhs” and “mehhs” because they aren’t sure what to say or are afraid of it being shot down.
Using too many filler words often represents inner insecurity about: not being accepted, saying something others find wrong or stupid, doubting one’s intelligence, shame or fear over saying what you truly want to say.
5) Micro-organizing
Another of the key tells when it comes to tiny actions that reveal a person’s hidden insecurities is micro-organizing.
This is basically obsessive-compulsive behavior which we know all too well.
The person who sits down at a restaurant table and begins meticulously shifting around the salt shakers, napkin holder and ketchup.
The person who has to have their clothes color-coded in the closet.
The drive to often represents inner insecurity about: losing control, being overwhelmed by life, being confused or not understanding what’s happening.
6) Putting hands in pockets
We all put our hands in our pockets from time to time, especially when it’s cold out and we want to keep warm.
But the reflexive act of putting your hands in your pockets is something else.
This is often a sign of trying to “downsize” or feel safe when feeling awkward or insecure in some way.
Putting your hands in the pocket a lot often represents inner insecurity about: value, worth, identity, money.
7) Shifting weight between each foot
Let’s be fair:
Most of us stand with our weight more on one foot than another.
As such, shifting weight can be a way to find more comfort in your stance, especially if you have to stand for a while.
But it can also be a sign of insecurity.
Shifting weight back and forth between the left and right foot is a classic but small tell that something’s not quite kosher on the inside.
Weight shifting between feet often represents inner insecurity about: one’s place in the world, what to do about a difficult decision, anxiety over how one will be received or accepted in a given situation.
8) Watching for others’ reactions
The next of the insecure habits and signs you can watch out for is people who watch for others’ reactions.
This can be very subtle and may not be super obvious.
But if you watch what people do after telling a joke, saying their opinion or stating a strong view, you’ll see that there are basically two types:
There are those who furtively look around to see if what they said was “OK” and those who don’t.
Checking people’s reactions often represents inner insecurity about: being accepted, fitting in and being “worthy.”
9) Walking very timidly
The next of the tiny actions that reveal a person’s hidden insecurities is walking very timidly.
The way we walk, our gait, says so much about what’s buried inside.
When somebody walks very haltingly and timidly it says a lot about their inner state.
Walking in a very shy and halting manner often represents inner insecurity about: one’s place in the world, one’s value, difficult decisions that need to be made.
10) A weak handshake
Next we come to a weak handshake.
This happens a lot in common interactions and business transactions.
When somebody has a limp wrist and weak handshake it is often a sign of certain inner insecurities that are going on.
A weak handshake often represents inner insecurity about: self-worth, one’s opinions, being authentic.
Fake it ‘til you make it?
Everybody has at least one thing that they’re a little bit insecure about.
By paying attention to these tiny actions you can get a clue into what that might be, and also in yourself you can work on the underlying issues behind certain nervous behaviors you have as well.
The outer behavior is not the issue. The underlying insecurity and fear is what must be addressed and accepted.
The idea of faking it ‘til you make it doesn’t apply here.
The only completely effective way to address these tiny insecure actions is to confront the root insecurities that are producing them.
