Tara Whitmore
For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why I felt so unhappy.
On the surface, my life seemed fine—nothing was falling apart, and yet, I constantly felt this nagging sense that something was missing.
It wasn’t until I started digging deeper that I realized the problem wasn’t with my circumstances—it was with me.
Without even realizing it, I was stuck in habits and thought patterns that were quietly sabotaging my happiness.
The worst part?
They seemed so small and harmless at the time.
In this article, I want to share what I’ve learned about these subtle, sneaky behaviors that might be holding you back too.
Because sometimes, happiness isn’t about adding more to your life—it’s about letting go of the things that drag you down.
1) Overthinking
The first behavior that psychologists point to as a major contributor to unhappiness is overthinking.
As someone who used to spend hours lost in thought, this struck a chord with me.
Overthinking can feel like you’re problem-solving, but more often than not, it’s just creating problems that weren’t there in the first place. It’s a cycle that feeds on itself, creating stress, anxiety, and ultimately unhappiness.
What I learned is that overthinking often stems from a fear of uncertainty. We want to have all the answers, but life doesn’t work that way.
The key is to accept that uncertainty is a natural part of life. When you catch yourself overthinking, remind yourself that it’s okay not to have all the answers.
Focus on what you can control and let the rest go. This simple shift in mindset can make a world of difference in your happiness levels.
2) Avoiding discomfort
The second behavior that psychologists identify as a happiness deterrent is the avoidance of discomfort.
I’ve been guilty of this one myself.
I used to believe that happiness meant a life free of discomfort and difficulties. But the more I avoided discomfort, the more unhappy I became.
I remember a time when I was offered a chance to give a public speech. The thought alone was terrifying and my first instinct was to decline.
But then I decided to face my discomfort and accepted the offer.
It wasn’t easy, but stepping out of my comfort zone helped me grow in ways I never expected. It increased my confidence and opened up new opportunities.
Avoiding discomfort might seem like the easier option in the short term, but it often leads to long-term unhappiness. Embrace discomfort as an opportunity for growth, and it can change your life.
3) Neglecting self-care
There was a period in my life where I was so caught up in work and responsibilities that I completely neglected my own needs. I was burning the candle at both ends:
- Eating poorly
- Not getting enough sleep
- Hardly making time for exercise
As a result, my mood plummeted and my stress levels skyrocketed. My neglect of self-care was directly impacting my happiness.
Then I decided to make a change. I started scheduling time for self-care just like any other important appointment.
This meant:
- Setting aside time for regular exercise
- Eating healthier meals
- Getting adequate sleep
- Taking time to relax and do things I enjoy
The transformation was astonishing. I not only felt better physically, but my mental health improved as well. My stress levels decreased and I felt more balanced and happy.
4) Constant comparison
The fourth behavior identified by psychologists that can make us unhappy is the constant comparison with others.
I remember scrolling through social media, seeing everyone’s perfect lives, and feeling a pang of inadequacy. It felt like everyone was succeeding while I was just treading water.
Research has found that passive following on social media, which often involves comparing our own lives to the highlight reels of others, can lead to feelings of envy and decreased life satisfaction.
After reading about this study, I decided to limit my time on social media and focus on my own journey instead.
I began to realize that everyone has their own unique path with its own set of challenges.
Embracing my journey, instead of comparing it to others, brought a sense of peace and contentment that I hadn’t felt before.
5) Ignoring your emotions
There was a phase in my life where I would bottle up my feelings, thinking it was a sign of strength to not show any vulnerability. I’d put on a brave face, even when things were falling apart.
But this approach only led to more stress and unhappiness. It was like a pressure cooker waiting to explode.
I learned that acknowledging and expressing my emotions was not a sign of weakness but rather a crucial part of mental health.
Now, when I feel an emotion, whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger or fear, I allow myself to feel it fully.
I express it in a healthy way, whether that’s talking to someone about it or writing it down in a journal.
This simple act of acknowledging and expressing my emotions has brought more clarity, peace and overall happiness into my life.
Emotions are our body’s way of communicating with us. Don’t ignore them; listen to what they’re saying.
6) Chasing perfection
I used to be a perfectionist, always chasing an ideal that was unrealistic and unattainable. I believed that if I could just be perfect, then I would finally be happy.
But as the renowned psychologist Brené Brown said, “Perfectionism is not the path that leads us to our gifts and to our sense of purpose; it’s the hazardous detour.”
Once I internalized this quote, I realized that my pursuit of perfection was actually holding me back. It was causing me stress, anxiety, and disappointment because I was always falling short of my unrealistic expectations.
So, I decided to let go of perfection and embrace progress instead. I focused on small, incremental improvements and celebrated each step forward, no matter how small.
This shift from perfection to progress brought a significant change in my life.
It not only reduced my stress and anxiety but also allowed me to enjoy the journey towards my goals, thereby increasing my overall happiness.
7) Overvaluing happiness
Ironically, the seventh behavior that can sap our happiness, according to psychology, is overvaluing happiness itself.
Sounds odd, right? But hear me out.
In my own pursuit of happiness, I realized that I had started to put so much pressure on myself to feel happy all the time. If I wasn’t feeling joyful, I thought something was wrong with me.
However, this constant chase for happiness turned out to be a trap. It made me less happy and more stressed.
The truth is, it’s natural and normal to experience a range of emotions. Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and that’s okay.
So, instead of obsessing over being happy all the time, I started aiming for emotional balance – allowing myself to feel all emotions without judgment.
A practical tip?
Next time you’re feeling down, instead of trying to force yourself to feel happy, allow yourself to sit with your feelings. Acknowledge them without judgment.
You’ll find that this acceptance can bring a sense of peace and contentment that’s far more sustainable than chasing happiness.
Conclusion
If you recognize some of these behaviors in yourself, don’t be discouraged—it’s not too late to make a change.
The first step toward happiness is awareness, and now that you’ve identified what may be holding you back, you have the power to take action.
Start small: replace negative thought patterns with positive affirmations, carve out time for activities that light you up, and set healthy boundaries in your relationships.
Take it one step at a time, and you’ll be amazed at how much lighter and happier you’ll feel.
