Paul Brian
Many of our judgments of people are formed in the first seconds of seeing or meeting them.
It’s instinctive, primal and, often, subconscious.
That’s why many folks you meet are often judging small things you do without you (and sometimes without them) even realizing it!
Here are some of the things many of us do in public that lead to instinctive judgment.
1) Timid, aggressive, or odd body language
The first thing anybody notices about you is your body language and how you carry yourself.
If you have slouched shoulders and poor body language you are being subconsciously judged for that.
People are perceiving you to project yourself as low value, damaged, or ashamed.
There’s no nicer way to say it.
You may be an incredible person with lots to give the world, but if you walk timidly or strangely, people will instinctively perceive you as lesser in their first impression.
By contrast, if you walk and carry yourself aggressively you may be perceived as a threat and judged as overly imposing.
This brings me to the next point…
2) Excessively avoiding or seeking out eye contact
The second thing that registers in our micro-perceptions is eye contact or lack of eye contact.
If you make strong eye contact it is a sign of confidence and self-assurance.
You’re standing behind who you are and confirming your value of yourself and willingness to meet the gaze of others.
However, if you seek out eye contact too much it comes across as needy and desperate.
Avoiding eye contact, especially by ducking the gaze of others, by contrast, leads to being perceived as insecure, anxious, or ashamed.
3) Talking publicly on speakerphone
Doing this is super annoying to those around you.
The main motive is usually just convenience to not hold a phone to your ear.
But the price of that convenience is reduced call quality and bystanders who often find it frustrating.
If you can’t avoid using your speakerphone due to using both hands for another task, at least put on a headset.
That way other people don’t have to listen to both sides of the convo.
Choosing to just wing it and go on a full public speakerphone call tends to come across as unthoughtful and people will judge you for it.
4) Bragging and talking rudely to service staff
How you treat a waiter or service staff says a lot about your character.
People judge you if you talk a bit rudely to a waiter or service staff.
Even if you didn’t mean to or you’re just busy or having a bad day, folks are going to judge that.
Try to be aware of how you talk and make sure that you’re not being rude without intending to do so.
On a related note:
5) Swearing, cursing, and speaking in a low-class way
We all come from different backgrounds and you may have been raised to speak in a way that’s more full of expletives and slang.
Fair enough.
But it’s also just a fact that many people will judge you by the way you speak in public.
If you go up to a counter of a shop to ask where a product is and pop in a number of f-words and “sh*t man” and words like this…
…You’re going to be instinctively judged as a person who’s not very refined or polite.
6) Being constantly glued to your smartphone screen
These days a lot of us work on our phones and have ongoing conversations on them.
A natural side effect of that is looking at them a lot.
But if you stay glued to your smartphone almost all the time, a lot of people are going to judge you.
You may also put yourself in danger if you don’t watch out while crossing crosswalks, climbing stairs, and so on.
Take breaks from your smartphone: it’s better for all involved.
7) Driving recklessly, aggressively, or dangerously
The way you drive is something others will judge.
Even if they don’t see your face, people on the road will form strong and immediate opinions about you and your character by how you drive.
These judgments may be well-founded or they may be unfair.
But if you have a habit of sometimes driving aggressively or driving when you’re feeling very angry or down, it’s best to rethink this.
Driving several tons of metal around a road is no casual thing, and if you’re extremely tired of mentally distraught sometimes it’s best to take an Uber or find another way to get where you need to be.
8) Flashing jewelry, cash, and expensive accessories
Ostentatious displays of wealth are ultra cringe.
I believe in dressing well and looking after yourself.
But if you’re decking yourself out in noticeably rich and expensive ways to show off your wealth or status rather than wearing and using what you really want to, it’s going to lead to judgment.
If you wouldn’t normally wear a shirt with VERSACE in huge, gaudy letters on the front, why would you do it just when it’s that specific brand?
You may be accepted by the wealthy as “one of theirs,” or as a pretender to the throne.
You’re likely to be seen by working-class folks as either privileged or soft.
And you’re also prone to starting to worry in the back of your head whether you’re a bit of a fake or trying too hard to play a role.
9) Dressing to offend, get attention, or shock people
On the flip side, we have the trend of dressing in a way that’s more about offending or getting attention.
I did this a lot in high school but eventually outgrew it.
Frankly, there’s nothing wrong with dressing in a way that will shock people and it may be an important part of your identity.
But it’s fair to say you will be judged for it.
And if you’re wearing t-shirts with extremely political, religious, or controversial messages, for example, you may get pushback!
(Hopefully not physical pushback).
10) Hitting on people and openly trying to seduce them
Seduction and flirting are a natural part of life.
None of us would be here if it weren’t!
But there are many ways to go about it, and the very direct, in-your-face “player” mode is not always well received.
If you tend to flirt very openly with a person you’re attracted to in public it’s going to get you judged.
Maybe they’ll be into you, maybe not.
But your mode of going full-on is going to embarrass some folks in the vicinity and make them uncomfortable.
11) Pushing conspiracy theories and controversial topics
I love discussing conspiracy theories, partly because I think the trend of uncritically believing in conspiracies is idiotic.
But I also think the trend of uncritically dismissing most conspiracies as untrue is equally idiotic.
That’s why I love to explore those shades of gray and find out the truth.
Let’s face it:
The truth is usually in between some imagined “masterplan” and the reality of many competing and overlapping ideas, agendas, and forces.
But there’s a time and a place for this stuff, usually with close friends or a drunk night out at the bar.
Pushing controversial or conspiratorial ideas in public and with people you might not know well is going to get you judged.
You may not be seen as “crazy,” but you’ll likely be seen as annoying and unable to read a room.
Is their judging justified?
The judgment of other people comes and goes.
You should never base your value on what others think of you.
Your value comes from inside and it can’t be bestowed or given away by the verdict of somebody else.
That said, there is potential value in judgment.
The same as constructive criticism, you are able to look at the judgment coming your way and decide if any of it has value.
Is it true?
Are there things you can work on and improve?
Or is it just ignorant hate?
If it’s the first, then get busy becoming better than you are!
If it’s the second then let the judgment slide off your back like nothing, it doesn’t matter!
