Kiran Athar
In any relationship, being transparent is a must. It builds trust and intimacy.
But with that being said…not everything needs to be shared! Some things are much better kept private, especially if you want to build a thriving, exciting relationship.
I’ve been known to experience bouts of verbal diarrhea in the past, and it’s usually come back to bite me, especially when it comes to relationships.
So, here are 8 things your partner doesn’t need to know, taken from personal experience!
1) Your personal opinions about their family and friends
When you get into a relationship, part of joining your lives together involves getting to know each other’s family and friends….
And in an ideal world, you’ll love them all and get on like a house on fire!
But we don’t live in an ideal world. In reality, you might find their mother annoying and their best friend immature. You’ve also spotted that pervy uncle who lurks around at family get-togethers.
You might think it’s a good idea to share your observations with your SO – after all, you tell each other everything, right?
Wrong. Don’t do it. Don’t even entertain the thought of it.
Your partner has spent years with these people, working hard to build relationships and accept all the flaws that you’re now just noticing about them.
Telling them how you really feel will cause unnecessary friction, and could cause your SO to resent you as a result.
2) Past relationships details
Ever watched an episode of “First Dates”? Notice how they ALWAYS delve into their past relationships, essentially to a stranger…and the rest of the world when the episode airs?
This is a major no-no.
Sure, you can tell them about significant past relationships, especially if you’ve been married or lived with someone before.
But every one-night stand you’ve had? Every little fling?
They don’t need to know it. It brings zero value to your relationship.
All this will do is cause worry, insecurity, and even jealousy…not to mention, it’s never pleasant to hear about the sexual escapades of the person you’re currently dating.
3) Minor annoyances
We all have quirks that annoy other people. Your partner will certainly drive you round the bend…from the way they chew to their habit of farting loudly first thing in the morning.
And while you might mention some of these grievances (perhaps in a jokey, light-hearted way), it’s not a good idea to run off a list of everything they do that bothers you!
Why?
Well, think how you’d feel if someone did a deep dive into everything they dislike about you. You’d feel pretty hurt…maybe you’d even question why they’re with you in the first place.
The truth is, part of being in a mature relationship is accepting that no one is perfect.
But if you really love that person and want to build a life with them, you’ve got to learn to overlook the petty stuff and focus on the core of the person in front of you.
As my mom always says – pick your battles wisely!
4) Every detail about your day
Let me break this one down for you:
You’ve both just got in from a tiring, long day.
As your partner puts their feet up to relax, you launch into every detail about the last 10 hours…from the traffic jam in the morning to your colleague’s botched lip job.
Yes, your partner should want to hear about your day…but in general.
That doesn’t mean a running commentary centered around things they probably don’t care about (like your colleague’s choice of cosmetic surgery).
Here’s the thing to remember:
It can be pretty overwhelming to hear so much detail about someone else’s day when you’re still trying to process and unwind from your own.
If you want to keep your partner’s attention, select the main events, and don’t bog them down with every little detail!
5) The things you sacrificed for them
Ah…this is one really hit home. I made this mistake about a year ago.
My partner and I got into an argument over something petty, and I decided to make things worse by listing off everything I do for him, every sacrifice I’ve ever made.
Even though we’ve obviously made up and moved on, I still regret it to this day.
You see when it comes to love, there are certain things we do for our partners that we do just to see them smile. Even if it means a compromise on our part.
Throwing it back in their face or reminding them of it can make them feel guilty, or even lead to feelings of resentment.
Ultimately, these sacrifices are made out of love, not to score points or use as ammunition later down the line.
6) Who’s crushing on you
Or who you’re crushing on, for that matter.
Yes, you might blush every time the cute barrister smiles at you, and no, you would never act on it…it’s just a harmless crush.
But your partner doesn’t need to know about it. They don’t know it’s harmless, no matter how much you reassure them.
And the same goes for whoever is crushing on you.
It might be someone at work or a friend of a friend. Even if you wouldn’t even entertain the idea of it, and you see this as a light-hearted joke, it could lead to an unpleasant situation.
If you want to create an insecure wreck, tell your partner about it. Watch how they suffer every time you go to a work party or your friend’s monthly game night.
In my opinion, this just creates unnecessary worry that your partner can do without.
7) That you’ve snooped through their stuff
Or that you’ve stalked their and their ex’s profiles, and Googled their name before agreeing to a date with them!
Look, we all do it. We’re the generation of information, it’s natural we’d do a quick background check to see what we’re getting ourselves into…the world of dating is scary!
But even though your partner has likely done the same to you, there’s no need to bring this up with them.
Let this be a secret you both hold onto….mainly because it’s slightly creepy (even though we all do it).
And when it comes to snooping through their personal belongings?
This can be seen as a breach of privacy. Some people are very particular about it, even if they’ve got nothing to hide, it’s about the principle.
I, for one, wouldn’t be impressed if my partner snooped through my laptop. He wouldn’t find much more than Pinterest boards filled with home DIY ideas…but that’s not the point!
8) Physical insecurities
We’ve all got insecurities. And we should feel comfortable to share those insecurities with our partner.
But you don’t need to do it 24/7.
This might sound harsh, but constantly hearing about how someone hates their thighs or wishes they had smaller feet can be quite a turnoff.
Do it for long enough, and it could change their perception of you, even leading them to question whether they still find you attractive or not.
Brutal, I know. But that’s the truth for you.
Instead of venting your insecurities to your partner, work on building a loving relationship with yourself. Find acceptance for your flaws. Work on your self-esteem and confidence.
Now that’s attractive.
Final thoughts
Open and honest communication is the goal in all relationships, but that doesn’t mean you should overshare, even with your partner.
Hopefully, the tips above have given you some guidance on what to keep to yourself…for your partner’s sake and your own!
And if you’ve already shared some of them?
Don’t worry. They’re still with you. Just take note for the future!
