Lachlan Brown
As Hack Spirit founder and a lover of mindfulness, I’ve often wondered, “How much should I really share about myself?”
Sharing is caring, right? But too much sharing can sometimes backfire. It’s not about hiding or being secretive. It’s about maintaining a healthy boundary and respecting your own personal space.
In this article, we’re going to explore these psychological insights and what they suggest we keep under wraps.
Don’t worry, it’s not as daunting as it sounds. We’ll keep it simple and accessible, just like our previous discussions.
1) Your deepest insecurities
Let’s face it, we all have insecurities. However, according to psychology, it’s not always wise to bare your deepest insecurities to just anyone.
Why so? Because doing so can sometimes lead to unintended consequences. It could make you an easy target for manipulative individuals who could use this information to their advantage.
Or it could lead others to perceive you as weak or vulnerable, even when that’s far from the truth.
That’s not to say that you should bottle up your feelings. It simply means that you should be mindful of when, where, and with whom you share your deepest insecurities. It’s all about establishing healthy boundaries.
As renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This quote highlights the importance of self-acceptance and self-awareness in dealing with our insecurities.
Being aware of our insecurities doesn’t mean we have to broadcast them to the world. Instead, we can work on accepting them and taking steps towards personal growth.
2) Past mistakes
We’ve all had those cringe-worthy moments in our past that we’d rather forget. I know I’ve made a few blunders myself that I wouldn’t want to relive. But sharing these past mistakes indiscriminately isn’t always the best choice.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for learning from our mistakes and growing as individuals. But constantly dwelling on or revealing past mistakes can sometimes lead to unnecessary judgment or assumptions about your current character.
Take me, for instance. Years ago, I made a major oversight in one of my early business ventures. It was a mess, and it took me a while to recover from it. But that was then. I’ve learned from it and moved on.
If I were to share this story with everyone I meet, they might form preconceived notions about my business acumen based on that one mistake.
As Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, once said, “One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.” We should remember our past mistakes as lessons learned, not as labels defining who we are today.
3) Your biggest personal dreams
We all have dreams, big and small. These are the things we aspire to, the goals we’re working towards. However, psychology suggests that it’s not always beneficial to share these dreams with others.
Now, this might sound counterintuitive. After all, sharing our dreams can help us feel more accountable and motivated to achieve them, right? But here’s the catch: not everyone will understand or support your dreams. And negative feedback or misunderstanding can potentially dampen your spirits and hinder your progress.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, I delve into this concept in depth. I explore how preserving your personal dreams and aspirations within you can actually fuel your journey towards achieving them.
These dreams are your own personal driving forces and sharing them should be done selectively and thoughtfully.
4) Your financial details
Money matters can be a sensitive topic for many people. According to psychology, revealing your financial details can lead to various complications, including envy, competitive behavior, or even manipulation.
Financial status is a personal matter and can often be misinterpreted by others. Discussing your financial situation, whether you’re doing well or struggling, can lead to judgments and assumptions that can damage relationships or create unnecessary tension.
It’s healthier to keep your financial situation private unless sharing it with a trusted advisor or loved ones is necessary for practical reasons, like budgeting or financial planning.
As world-renowned psychologist Daniel Kahneman explains in his work on prospect theory, people’s perceptions of gain and loss are often skewed when it comes to money. Sharing your financial details can trigger these biases in others, leading to misunderstandings and potential conflicts.
Your worth isn’t determined by your financial status. Keep it private and avoid the potential pitfalls.
5) Your family conflicts
We all have our fair share of family drama. However, airing your family conflicts in public isn’t a healthy practice.
Revealing family conflicts can lead to others forming biased opinions about your loved ones or even exploiting these conflicts for their own advantage. It might also put undue pressure on you to take sides or make decisions that you’re not comfortable with.
Moreover, discussing family conflicts openly can also compromise the privacy of other family members who might not want these issues discussed outside the family circle.
It’s healthier to resolve these conflicts within the family or seek professional help if needed.
After all, every family has its issues. What matters is how you choose to handle them.
6) Negative thoughts about your body
It’s not uncommon for us to have moments of self-doubt or negative thoughts about our bodies. There’s always a certain part we wish was different, a feature we’re not so fond of. However, constantly vocalizing these negative thoughts can have a detrimental effect.
The more we voice these thoughts, the more real they become in our minds. It feeds into a cycle of negativity and can even impact our self-esteem and mental health.
Furthermore, it can also influence the perceptions of those around us. If we are constantly criticizing ourselves, it may lead others to view us through that same negative lens.
Instead, try to cultivate body positivity and self-acceptance. This doesn’t mean ignoring any health concerns, but rather focusing on the things you love about your body and acknowledging it as the incredible vessel it is.
7) Your personal grudges
Holding grudges is a common human tendency. However, psychology suggests we should be careful about revealing these feelings to others.
Sharing your personal grudges can easily spiral into unhealthy gossip or resentment. It might also encourage others to take sides, creating unnecessary tension and conflicts.
Moreover, holding onto grudges and constantly talking about them can hinder your ability to forgive and move on. This can have a negative impact on your mental health and interpersonal relationships.
Instead, try to address the issue directly with the person involved or seek professional help if necessary. It’s healthier to work towards resolution and forgiveness rather than dwelling on past resentments.
It’s about respect
The essence of what we’ve explored in these points fundamentally comes down to respect – respect for your own privacy and for the perceptions of others.
Whether it’s your deepest insecurities, past mistakes, financial details, or personal grudges, choosing not to reveal these aspects is about preserving your individuality and personal boundaries.
Valuing your privacy doesn’t equate to secrecy or dishonesty. It’s about understanding the impact of oversharing and respecting your personal space.
This concept is something I dive into in my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”. It’s about maintaining a balance between being open and authentic and preserving our personal boundaries.
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