If you’re like me, you probably find first dates thrilling and terrifying in equal measure.
While you might be all aflutter thinking about how wonderful the date’s going to be, you might also have a stone in the pit of your stomach.
You probably wonder what to wear and how to behave, what to say and how to present yourself.
Will they like you? Will you like them?
If you’re really hoping that things will go well, I’ve got some advice for you. There are at least 13 things you should never reveal about yourself on a first date if you don’t want to put the other person off.
Read through them, and if you realize that you normally do reveal one or many of these things, now’s a good time to think about a new strategy so that your next first date will go swimmingly.
1) Your sexual history
Of course, there’s no reason I have to write this, right?
No one would ever go on a first date and end up talking about how many people they’ve slept with, who, and how recently.
Well, you’d be surprised.
I think some people confuse quantity with quality when it comes to sex, so they somehow think that a high number of conquests is some sort of brag.
Look, if you’re going on a first date, the person is still a stranger. Your sex life is an intimate topic that should probably be reserved for someone who knows you at least a little bit.
2) That you still think about your ex
TBH, anything ex-related really has no place in your first date conversation unless you already know each other and each other’s situations.
But even then, anything more than a casual passing mention of your ex is going to make the other person uncomfortable.
It’s fine if you still think about your exes, but that doesn’t mean a potential new partner wants to hear anything about it.
At best, they’ll think they’re being compared to your ex, which really represents unfair expectations.
At worst, they’ll think you still have feelings for your ex (and you might!), and that can send them running for the hills.
3) That you’ve had your heart broken (too) many times
A good rule of thumb is that any time you meet someone over the age of, say, 25, they’ve probably had their heart broken at least once.
Does that mean it’s a good topic to broach on a first date?
Just because you can assume the other person also has been through heartbreak doesn’t mean that they want to listen to your sad story.
Not now, anyway.
They’re trying to get to know you and what it would be like to partner up with you.
They’re looking for a happy, potentially in-love you, not a sad, heartbroken you.
And if you can’t avoid talking about your broken heart, stay home. It’s still too early, kiddo.
4) That you want to get married
Hey, a lot of people want to get married. Why not bring it up on a first date?
If you’re a bit older and tired of investing in dead-end relationships, you might be convinced that you should cut to the chase and tell the other person what you’re really looking for.
Well, I’ve got news for you.
There’s a reason why dating apps don’t have “To get married” as one of the options you can choose to explain what you’re looking for.
Marriage is supposed to be something you do with someone you know and love and want to spend your life with, not necessarily a goal in and of itself.
Talking about it on a first date is just going to intimidate people because you have such high expectations.
5) Your burning desire to have kids
Got kids already?
It’s a good idea to mention this even before your first date since this is a big issue that can be a deal breaker for many.
But that’s something altogether different from wanting to have kids in the future.
It’s fine if you do – lots of people do.
That doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to reveal about yourself on a first date, though.
Like talk of marriage, this is way too forward and may well scare off someone who actually could have been a great co-parent in the future.
6) The state of your finances
Rich as Croesus?
Maybe you’ve just fallen on hard times, but you’re pulling yourself back up.
Whatever your financial status, it’s best not to bring this up on a first date.
Because money is actually a huge issue for people, and you can make your date feel super-awkward.
Talking about having little money will make the other person feel like you’re looking for sugar.
Talking about having tons of money can make you sound conceited.
The best thing to do is split the check and leave this money talk for when you’ve gotten to know each other way better.
7) The state of your health
Unless you have a totally obvious condition that you need to explain, there’s no reason to talk about your health on a first date.
If you’re unhealthy, anyway.
If you feel very strong and healthy and like to do a lot of physical activities, this might be something you could bond over.
But leave the story of how your knee aches before it rains and the bad tummy you’ve been having all week until you know each other a whole lot better.
8) Your addictions
Whether you’re hooked on booze or bonkers about gambling, this personal information is just that – personal.
If you are battling addiction, I wish you the best of luck.
A first date with someone you hardly know, though, isn’t the right place and time to reveal it.
Addictions scare people, and I don’t think that’s what you’re going for.
But if you’re doing well and winning your battle, you can reveal this later once the other person has learned to appreciate other aspects of you.
9) Your family problems
Got a deadbeat brother who doesn’t work and just smokes weed and lays on the sofa all day?
Got an aunt who’s always hitting you up for money?
Got parents who – well, we’ve all got ‘em.
If you have a great family, fine, talk about them if that’s a really big part of your life.
But keep the negative, heavy family business out of your first date chat.
10) The things you don’t like about yourself
Speaking of negativity – don’t
A first date is a time to present yourself and talk about what you like and what makes you tick, not what makes you sick.
If you complain a lot or talk about all the things that bother you, you’re going to be a huge downer and ruin the date for sure.
11) Your politics
For a lot of people, not talking about politics on a first date is counter-intuitive.
Shouldn’t you show who you are and what you believe to the other person?
Sure, but beliefs and values are not the same as political affiliations.
You can talk about who you are in your core being without having to mention issues, parties, or leaders who may be controversial or, worse, deadly boring.
12) That you don’t get busy on the first date
Hey, this might be a great rule to have, but that doesn’t mean you have to lay this out on the table.
If you come out and bluntly state your rule on physicality, it might seem to you like you’re just being clear and assertive.
But the other person can take this the wrong way.
They could assume that telling them shows you think they’re only after sex or at least overly focused on it.
This basically says to the other person, “I know you’re a horn dog, but I’m trying to actually have a relationship.”
That can be pretty insulting, even if it’s not at all the message you were trying to get across.
Unless the issue actually comes up, there’s no need to lay this out on the table.
13) Anything that’s not true
Whether you call them lies or pork pies, starting off any relationship by being fake is going to give you a false start.
One of two things will happen: either the other person will figure out right away that you’re lying and be scared off, or they’ll work, but your lies will be revealed later.
If you’re actually looking for a real relationship, it’s better to keep things truthful.
There’s so much to discuss when you meet someone new.
These 13 things you should never reveal about yourself on a first date can easily be swept aside and replaced by more positive topics that still show who you truly are.
This will keep things positive and save you from scaring off someone who has the potential to be a really good match.