Mia Zhang
There’s a fine line between being open and oversharing.
Being open with others can foster trust and friendship. But divulging too much can leave you vulnerable, even hurt your relationships.
According to psychology, there are certain things that you should always keep to yourself. Knowing what not to share is just as important as knowing what to share.
And let’s be honest, we all have things. Let’s buckle up and see what they are.
1) Personal grievances
Sharing personal grievances can often make others uncomfortable, as they may feel compelled to provide comfort or advice that they may not be equipped to give.
Plus, continually focusing on negatives can give off the impression of a pessimistic mindset.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should suppress your feelings. It’s important to share your concerns and fears with a trusted friend, family member or mental health professional. But continuously broadcasting your personal grievances to everyone around you can actually push people away.
Bear in mind, it’s about finding the right balance. It’s okay to share, but be mindful of who you share with and how often.
2) Your financial status
Money matters can be a tricky subject, especially when you’re sharing about your own finances. I remember a time when I casually mentioned my salary to a group of friends. The awkward silence that followed was palpable.
In retrospect, this was a mistake. Talking about money, especially specifics like salaries or debts, can quickly lead to comparison and judgement. It can create tension in relationships and even breed resentment.
Psychology suggests that sharing your financial status can lead to others defining you by your wealth (or lack thereof), rather than who you are as a person.
3) Your past mistakes
While your past mistakes have undoubtedly shaped you into the person you are today, they don’t necessarily need to be public knowledge. Human psychology is such that people tend to remember negative information more vividly than positive.
It’s called the negativity bias, a psychological phenomenon where individuals give more weight to negative experiences than positive ones. This means that if you share your past mistakes, they might stick in people’s minds more strongly than all the good things about you.
This doesn’t mean you should hide or feel ashamed of your past. Instead, it’s about understanding what information to share and with whom.
4) Your personal beliefs
We all have our own beliefs, whether they’re about politics, religion, or even which way the toilet paper should roll. But sharing these personal beliefs can sometimes lead to conflict and misunderstandings.
People tend to hold their beliefs close to their hearts. And when someone else expresses a differing view, it can feel like a personal attack. This can lead to heated debates, hurt feelings, and even ruined relationships.
Now, this doesn’t mean you should never share your beliefs or stand up for what you believe in. But it’s essential to choose the right time, place, and person for these discussions. And always approach them with respect and open-mindedness.
5) Your deepest insecurities
We all have insecurities. For me, it has always been a fear of not being good enough. While it’s important to acknowledge these insecurities, sharing them indiscriminately can leave you open to criticism or judgement.
Insecurities are deeply personal and exposing them can make you feel vulnerable. Not everyone needs to know what keeps you up at night. Sharing these with the wrong person can actually give them power over you.
Instead, choose to share your insecurities with people who have earned your trust. These are the people who will understand, offer support, and help you work through them.
6) Your family’s secrets
Family dynamics and secrets are deeply personal aspects of our lives. They can be sensitive topics, loaded with emotions and complex histories.
Sharing your family secrets with others can not only betray the trust of your family members but also potentially paint an unfair picture of them.
Moreover, these secrets aren’t just yours to share. They involve other people who may not be comfortable with their private matters being discussed openly.
7) Your future plans
Life can be unpredictable, and plans can change. Announcing your future plans prematurely can set expectations that you might not be able to meet. This can lead to disappointment or judgement if things don’t go as planned.
Moreover, keeping your future plans to yourself also gives you the freedom to change them without having to explain or justify your decisions to others.
So whether you’re planning a career change, thinking of moving cities, or even just planning a surprise party, it’s often best to keep your plans under wraps until they’re finalized.
Final thoughts: It’s all about boundaries
Understanding what to share and what not to share is a significant part of maintaining healthy relationships. It is the essence of setting personal boundaries.
Boundaries are not walls meant to shut people out. Instead, they’re guidelines for establishing respect and understanding with others. They show others where you end and they begin.
So let’s consider the power of silence and the value of keeping certain things to ourselves. Because sometimes, the most profound connections come from understanding what doesn’t need to be said.
