Michelle Marie Manese
I know the title says “naturally” confident person but even those who worked hard to be confident are welcome here.
There’s a possibility that you’re reading this because you want to take notes but also a possibility that you need this as a reminder. Either of those is valid.
If you’re taking notes, I hope you’ll be pleasantly surprised to realize that you’re already doing some of these things.
And if it’s a reminder, then it’s totally okay to need to be reminded from time to time.
If your road to confidence was tough, as most are, then you’re not any less a confident person just because today is rough. Progress is not linear after all.
Anyway, enough pep talk.
10 things you don’t know you’re doing because you’re a naturally confident person, starting with:
1) You don’t pass judgment
“Be curious, not judgmental.”
— Unknown, but often misattributed to Walt Whitman
Most times, confidence—not arrogance—takes time to build. And the time it took was far from easy.
So, confident people? You don’t pass judgment.
Why would you, when you know the struggle? When you know that at the end of the day, we’re all just trying our best.
Which brings me to this next one which is…
2) You don’t badmouth people
“Judging someone does not define who they are; it defines who you are.”
— Unknown
See, the previous point and this are similar in a way that you don’t use your energy in bringing someone else down.
Living is difficult enough and you know this, so you take the time to build others up instead of bringing them down.
You’re not the type of person who would be caught saying something nasty about someone.
This brings me to…
3) You make others feel included
“There are two kinds of people in the world: those who come into a room and say, ‘Here I am!’ and those who come in and say, ‘Ah, there you are!’”
– Frederick L. Collins
And you’re the kind of person who says, “Ah, there you are!”
You’re the kind of person who will engage a group in a conversation and actually talk to everyone or engage the one who’s participating the least.
(Honestly, I love these kinds of people.)
And this isn’t even an afterthought for you! You just naturally include everybody or at the very least try to.
Inclusion is a lovely thing, and you do it so effortlessly. You have the kind of presence that people gravitate towards and feel comfortable in (more on this on #9).
4) You find it easy to be yourself
“Always be a first-rate version of yourself and not a second-rate version of someone else.”
— Judy Garland
Okay, so maybe “easier” is the better word to use here. Acceptance takes time, or took time if you’re already on this boat, so being anyone else but yourself is more exhausting.
And yes, I might have put this point on #4 but I think this is the most encompassing point on the list. And it certainly affects the next few ones.
Let me explain.
When you’re sure of who you are, you don’t need to please other people. You don’t cut yourself down into manageable pieces, you’re entirely who you need to be.
For a lack of a better metaphor, you’re the entire cake. All the time.
It’s why we’re so often bombarded by “ideals” and “standards” as to how we should look or be because this level of acceptance is powerful.
And just to continue the cake metaphor, not everyone will like cake. Not everyone can handle an entire cake but show up as you are anyway. That.
That acceptance that you can’t please everybody, so at least show up as someone you would like. That self-assurance that the best version you could be is the one of you as you are.
No filters. No pretenses.
So yeah, maybe it’s not that you find it “easy” to be yourself, it’s just that it’s harder to be someone you are not.
5) You say no with ease
“When you say ‘yes’ to others make sure you aren’t saying ‘no’ to yourself.”
– Paulo Coelho
You have learned to set boundaries. A lot of us have yet to completely do so, but you have.
People pleasing is difficult to shed when we sometimes feel like our self-worth is dependent on being needed. It then becomes difficult to say no to people.
But you, confident and self-assured person, you have learned the power of No.
6) You take control
“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you…”
— Brian Tracy
There are many things in life that we cannot control: how our day will go, how that big presentation will end, how our partners will react, next week, next month, the next 5 minutes, and so on.
But you learned to control what you can (and stopped worrying over what you cannot).
And the thing that you learned to control the best? Your attitude toward whatever happens.
Confident people like you know your capabilities. You know that you can handle the curveballs.
And I don’t mean micromanaging, mind you, but you stay on top of things and can still manage should things go south.
With that said, #6 and #7 are closely linked with #7 being…
7) You don’t panic
“This too shall pass.”
— Persian adage
There’s something so beautiful about people who take their time. Who is so sure of who they are and what they want and who they aim to be that they just… live in the moment.
When I say you don’t panic, it’s both a) taking control of the situation and also b) not panicking about the future.
You take your time. You live in the now. You are present. You are mindful of the here and now.
A lot of us are so weighted by the anxieties of day-to-day life, from minor inconveniences to hypothetical catastrophes but you’re not one of us.
(Okay, mostly. More often than not at least. You’re still human with a fight or flight response after all, haha!)
You’re a “let’s cross the bridge when we get to it” kind of person. You choose to live in the moment.
8) You feel at ease in any room you are in
“Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.”
I’m not talking about being the life of the party here, although that’s a definite possibility too, this is more of you don’t feel the need to impress anyone.
You don’t anticipate the judgment of others, you don’t need it, and you don’t take it to heart when it happens.
So for you, any room is just a room. What’s there to worry about?
This one is similar to the next one which is…
9) You can talk to different kinds of people
“Communicate unto the other person that which you would want him to communicate unto you if your positions were reversed.”
– Aaron Goldman
The way that this is similar to the previous one is toward the “impressing people” part in the way that that’s not on your agenda.
So talking to people, human to human, is easy for you. You make people feel at ease and treat everyone with the same respect and courtesy.
You don’t discriminate either. Good for you.
10) You roll with the punches
“Life is a series of punches. It presents a lot of challenges. It presents a lot of hardship, but the people that are able to take those punches and are able to move forward are the ones that really do have a lot of success and have a lot of joy in their life and have a lot of stories to tell, too.”
— Josh Turner
I read this line somewhere before: “I would rather live a life of Oh Wells than live one of What Ifs” and I know I literally just threw two quotes consecutively but it centers my point nicely.
As I said at the start, the road to confidence probably took you time and probably was a struggle too, so you’ve seen hardship.
You’ve seen firsthand how life could be so difficult, how much it can push you to the ground.
And you’ve learned. What’s the thing that they call this? Trial by fire? You’ve conquered the fire and are better equipped every time you’re thrown in another one.
Because you also learned that, didn’t you? How much more capable you are than you first thought you were. How strong. How much power you truly have.
Who you truly are. I know I’m making it sound more melodramatic than it should be but you reaching this point in your life deserves some pizzazz and maybe some jazz hands for good measure.
Before you go…
At the start of this article, I said that you might be here either to take notes or because you need a reminder. I hope you walk away from this article feeling like you’ve accomplished those.
Even a little bit.
I can’t stress enough how difficult it is to constantly feel like we’re not doing the best we can but such is being human. You can only win so many battles in a day, after all.
So try to worry less, stranger, you’re doing amazing as it is.
Best of luck!
