Paul Brian
Women with high self esteem go through the same relationship problems and challenges as everyone else.
But they deal with them a little bit differently and a lot more effectively.
Here’s a look at the confident woman’s approach to love.
1) She values herself
A confident woman values herself.
This means that she doesn’t rely on anybody else to tell her she’s worth it or valuable:
She already knows that. In fact she doesn’t only know her worth, she feels it in her bones.
It’s a value that doesn’t change or shift even when the chips are down or she’s having a hard time.
She carries herself with grace and confidence, valuing her time and attention.
She only connects with a partner who recognizes the value that she has for herself.
Anything less and she’s not interested.
2) She practices self-care
The high self-esteem woman practices self care.
She takes spa days when she needs them and she takes the full length of her lunch break at work.
She practices good hygiene and takes her time to get her nails done right at the salon and to get herself a Brazilian wax.
This lady is interested in the kind of man or woman who lets her be herself and take the time she needs for herself.
She doesn’t expect to be pampered by a partner, but she does expect to have the freedom to look after herself right.
3) She sets real limits
Women with insecurity often back down from their red lines if they’re really in love.
They will say they want a partner who’s clean or who doesn’t smoke weed and then meet a messy pothead and start making excuses for him or pretending it’s no big deal (when it actually is a big deal to them).
A woman of high self-esteem doesn’t change her limits for anyone, because she knows it’s the start of a very slippery slope.
She has real limits of what she’ll put up with and that includes the way she’s talked to and the general respect she gets in a relationship.
She doesn’t expect perfection, but she does have limits.
Too many drunken nights or abusive words sent her way and the high confidence woman is headed out the door.
4) She sets real standards for her man
Women with self-esteem issues often back down when their partner pressures them or manipulates them.
The low confidence woman may have ideas of what she wants in her partner, but she relaxes and moves those goalposts in order not to lose the one she loves, as I mentioned in the point above.
The woman with high self-esteem doesn’t let any partner talk her into anything.
No matter how much she cares for somebody she has standards that don’t change.
She doesn’t move the goalposts just because she’s in love or “play nice” because she wants to be on her partner’s good side.
She has ideals for what she wants her partner to achieve and she sticks to those.
If she wants her man to get a job and he keeps making excuses, sooner or later she’s going to drop him.
5) She goes in with full honesty
Women who struggle with self-image or confidence aren’t always straightforward when they first enter a relationship.
The high confidence woman is the opposite:
She goes in with full honesty and lets her partner know everything he or she needs to know about her.
She is not interested in presenting a false image or in building herself up to be more than she is.
This relates directly to the next point as well:
6) She opens up about herself
A woman with high self-esteem knows her value, as I mentioned.
For this reason, she is not seeking validation or approval:
Even if she really likes somebody or wants to stay with them, she isn’t going to beg for it.
She opens up about herself, including her past and any problems she has.
The kind of person who will break up with her because of this is not somebody she wants to be with anyway.
7) She’s willing to talk through problems
When problems come up or she’s in trouble in her own life, the confident woman is willing to talk about it.
If there’s a fight in the relationship she’s also willing to talk that over.
Problems and fights happen and she accepts that reality.
She will talk as transparently and fully as possible in order to resolve issues that come up, but a confident woman will never take blame that’s put on her unfairly.
8) She’s not afraid to maintain her own life
The woman who values herself also values her own life.
She’s got her own career, her own hobbies and her own priorities.
Her partner either has to recognize that or break up, because she’s not going to drop the rest of her life for him or accommodate with everything a partner wants.
She has the rest of her life and it’s still going on whether or not she’s committed to someone new.
9) She keeps her social life thriving
In terms of her social life and friendships, a confident woman keeps these going.
She doesn’t ask permission from her partner or check in with them before living the rest of her social life.
Less confident women, by contrast, often get lost in the demands and pressure of feeling like they have to spend all their time with their partner.
Confident women don’t make this mistake.
As Laura Bilotta and Hannah Madden write:
“Losing yourself in a relationship can cause you to feel insecure and uncertain about it.
“While it’s fine to dedicate time to your partner, make sure you’re still keeping up with your friends and the things you like to do for fun.”
10) She has a tight hold on her own finances
A woman who values herself does not allow herself to be financially taken advantage of.
She also doesn’t allow herself to become dependent on a partner.
She has her own income stream or savings and she doesn’t ask for money unless she knows she can pay it back.
Even if she knows she could borrow money and not return it, she prefers not to lower herself to this level and feel the shame of it.
11) She understands the difference between empathy and sympathy
A woman with solid self-esteem practices empathy, but she tends to avoid sympathy.
In other words she can be extremely understanding and insightful about struggles a partner is going through, but she doesn’t fall into the “caretaker” or motherly role.
She’s not trying to be anyone’s mom or personal care assistant.
She’s interested in a partner who’s an equal to her, which means that pitying them is more or less off the table.
She loves who she’s with, but she doesn’t pity them or treat them like a victim.
12) She’s not looking to ‘complete’ herself
The confident woman is not looking to find her other half or “complete” herself.
No matter how much she wants love, she wants somebody else who is also self-actualized and loves themselves.
She’s not interested in being anyone’s therapist or practice girlfriend.
She’s not wandering around feeling lost and lonely until some Prince Charming comes along and the romantic soundtrack starts to play.
She’s already got her own romance going with herself.
She’s interested in finding somebody who loves themselves and their life as much as she does.
13) She’s confident enough to demand commitment
If and when commitment becomes something she wants, the woman of high self-esteem is willing to be direct about it.
This could be seen as an ultimatum, but it’s often a bit more low-key than that.
She lets her partner know that she wants more and asks whether this person is in or out.
If they’re out, they’re out.
The truth is most people are much clearer on whether they really want something serious with you or not and lots of dilly-dallying is just self-deception.
14) She’s willing to walk away
This is the confident woman’s trump card:
She’s willing to walk away.
If her standards aren’t met and she doesn’t feel respected or loved in a relationship she is willing to walk away.
This willingness is enormously empowering and you can be sure any partner of hers feels that self-sufficiency and confidence.
She calls her soul her own
Women with high self-esteem can be the most committed, loving partner a man has ever had.
But nobody should ever make the mistake of taking them for granted.
Confident women who value themselves will never accept less than they’re worth, and they will walk away if it comes down to it.
We could all learn a lot from them!
