Alexandra Plesa
Let’s say you’ve been dating your girlfriend for a while but can’t tell if she’s comfortable with how things are going.
Maybe you worry you’re not doing enough to make her feel appreciated. Or, perhaps you’re afraid she only stays with you because it’s convenient.
So, does your girlfriend feel good about you two?
Here are 12 things women do in relationships when they are truly secure and happy.
As long as you recognize her behavior in at least half of these, you’re on the right track.
1) They don’t play mind games
Women who feel safe in a relationship don’t play mind games.
They don’t emotionally manipulate you, test your loyalty, or make you guess their mood.
You don’t have to chase your girlfriend, and you never worry that she won’t reply to your calls or texts.
The silent treatment isn’t something she relies on to make you understand that you messed up or to get her way.
When your girlfriend feels loved, she communicates openly and doesn’t withhold affection.
In other words, her feeling loved is a win-win for both of you.
2) They give you space
You know the popular saying, “If you love something, set it free?”
When women feel truly secure and happy in a relationship, they have no problem with giving their partner space.
Whether you want to go out with friends, take a solo trip, or unwind at home by yourself, she doesn’t stand in your way.
She’ll miss you, sure. Deep down, however, she knows you’ll come back to her.
3) They respect your boundaries
If you set a line with your girlfriend and she crosses it – that’s a bad sign.
On the other hand, she’ll respect your boundaries if you make her feel like there’s nothing she has to worry about.
Don’t feel like having sex? She doesn’t push it.
Not comfortable with public displays of affection? She doesn’t passionately kiss you in front of your friends to mark her territory.
Don’t want to share your passwords? She doesn’t care.
Women who feel loved and secure won’t push their partners’ limits just to get a reaction.
4) They don’t snoop
Speaking of passwords, you’ll never catch a woman who knows that you’re committed to her snoop through your phone.
Additionally, a secure girlfriend will never:
- Go through your stuff when you’re not there
- Make you share your location if you’re out and about
- Obsessively check whose photos you like on social media
Women snoop when they have trust issues or a nagging feeling that something is wrong.
If you’ve done a good job of reassuring her, the fact that she doesn’t know your phone’s passcode won’t bother her one bit.
5) They don’t need constant validation
Everyone needs validation.
Complimenting your partner and expressing your feelings on a regular basis should become the norm if you want your relationship to last.
That said, if your girlfriend is always seeking validation from you, there’s a good chance she’s not 100% sure that you’re committed.
There are exceptions. If she has low self-esteem or an anxious attachment style, needing reassurance might just be part of the package.
Generally speaking, though, women who feel truly loved and happy don’t need you to tell them how beautiful they are every single day.
6) They don’t smother you
Constant texting. Hour-long video chats. Spending all your free time together.
This is fairly normal during the honeymoon phase when you can’t keep your hands off each other.
But if she continues to smother you as the relationship evolves, it might be because she doesn’t feel secure yet.
7) They make long-term plans
A clear sign that a woman is happy with you and excited about how the relationship is going: she includes you in her long-term plans.
If she has a wedding to go to in three months, she asks you if you want to tag along.
She brings up future vacations or entertains the possibility of moving in together.
When she has a life-changing decision to make, she asks for your thoughts.
This shows that she’s secure enough in the relationship to think that you’ll still be together in the foreseeable future.
You’ve officially become a “we.” Even so…
8) They do their own thing
A secure partner counts you in without losing her individuality. She continues to do her own thing.
She has hobbies she engages in and friends she hangs out with when you’re not around.
Your girlfriend knows that she doesn’t have to be available around the clock, or you’ll lose interest.
It can be flattering when someone bails on their plans to enjoy your company. But the more this type of behavior persists, the more it turns into a red flag.
9) They show vulnerability
Being judged by someone you care about is hurtful. That’s why many women are wary about showing vulnerability until they know for sure that their partner loves them.
Once they figure that out, they become more open about their struggles and insecurities.
If your girlfriend isn’t afraid to ask for your help and confides in you about her inner battles, you’re doing something right.
10) They let you know their true selves
I don’t know about you, but I have a shield up whenever I start dating someone new.
I present my best self, try to look cool, keep my flaws hidden.
This usually ends up hurting more than helping. When you hide away parts of yourself, you prevent the other person from knowing (and falling in love with) the real you.
Unfortunately, I’m not alone in this behavior – some of my friends admit to doing the same. Trust doesn’t come easy.
Nonetheless, once a woman feels loved and happy, that shield goes down. You can easily tell if this has already happened:
- She is physically relaxed around you
- She doesn’t become nervous if you bring up certain topics
- You don’t feel like she’s trying to impress you anymore
- She can talk to you about anything
If you feel like you’re getting to know the real her, she finally deemed you worthy.
11) They don’t avoid conflict
Fighting isn’t only unavoidable; it’s healthy.
Yet, when a woman is anxious about the relationship, she tends to run away from conflict.
She doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize a connection she considers fragile, especially if she cares about you a lot.
On the other hand, a woman who feels secure about your love doesn’t hesitate to bring up little things that bother her or express a point of view that’s different from yours.
She knows that your bond is strong enough to survive a fight. And also that making-up will be that much sweeter.
12) They don’t dwell on the past
Women who are truly secure and happy don’t bring up the past every chance they get.
They don’t chastise you for early mistakes or keep track of how many times you’ve wronged them.
Once they realize you’re in it for the long haul, they do their best to forgive and forget.
Bottom line
Making a woman feel safe and content in a relationship can take time.
You have to be extra patient if she carries heavy emotional baggage.
In the meantime, keep an eye out for the signs above.
Once your girlfriend starts to exhibit them, you can give yourself a pat on the back.
