7 things the happiest women know by the time they’re 30

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Did you know that women are the happiest between the ages of 30-34?

What’s more, happiness continues to last throughout the 40s and 50s. 

This was a huge relief to me — when I hit my late 20s, I thought my life would be over!

But the truth is, it takes time to learn a few powerful lessons. And when you learn them, these lessons unlock true happiness for you in your life. 

I count myself one of the lucky, happiest women who have learned these lessons by age 30 — and I want to help you be one of them too.

So here are 7 things you absolutely need to know. 

1) Self-love is essential

“Self-love” is such a buzzword these days, it’s hard to find an influencer or guru who doesn’t talk about it.

I myself used to roll my eyes when I heard it — and this was BEFORE it became an internet craze.

But here’s why it’s so important.

Imagine if you had to live with someone who constantly criticized you, judged you, and was mean to you — and you had no option to move out.

Well, this is what it’s like when you don’t love yourself enough! Because the relationship you have with yourself is the closest one you’ll have in your entire life.

You can’t possibly run away from it. So you need to invest in making it a good one, if you want to be truly happy.

You do this by cultivating kindness, empathy, and compassion towards yourself. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and recognize that imperfections are another beautiful part of you. 

2) Comparison is the thief of joy

Ladies, be honest. Do you ever compare yourself to others?

Actually, that’s a trick question — EVERYONE does this at least occasionally.

In fact, with so many people around you, it’s totally natural to do. I’ve even found it to be helpful in some ways: when you’re learning a new skill, seeing what experts do can help you learn from them and improve yourself even more. 

But that’s where the usefulness of comparison ends.

Comparing yourself to others brings nothing to your life. Especially as we’re all on our unique path.

It’s like if you’re traveling from New York to Paris, and someone else is traveling from Milan to Beijing, and you start comparing the flight times, layovers, itineraries, etc.

It makes no sense – because it’s impossible to compare two such different journeys! All it will bring you is stress and disappointment, which is completely unfounded anyways. 

The only thing you should be focused on is making your own journey as fulfilling as possible. 

3) Authenticity is empowering

I spent a large portion of my 20s trying to be someone else. The dream girl of whoever I was dating, the perfect student for my teachers, the most likable person to people I wanted to be friends with.

And then I realized, this will definitely not make me happy.

First of all, it didn’t let me create any strong sense of identity, as I kept having to change it according to the situation.

And second of all, I ended up acting in ways that didn’t align with who I wanted to be, and that made me feel uncomfortable. 

I eventually learned to stop people–pleasing and set up boundaries, even if it might disappoint a few people.

But you know what? That’s when I started living my best and happiest life. 

“Be true to yourself” is not just a nice caption to Instagram vacation photos — it’s actually a powerful truth that the happiest women know by the time they’re 30. 

4) Mindset (REALLY) matters

When someone says “work”, you probably first think of physical work like exercising or gardening, or professional work like sitting in an office or serving clients. 

But the hardest, and also the most fulfilling and important type of work is actually inner work.

I’m talking about the work you do on your mindset and mental well-being.

I started investing into this when I decided to process some painful traumas from my past. I started working with a therapist and doing regular journaling work, along with weekly forgiveness meditations.  

And you know what? That’s when I started to feel my life truly transform.

I was no longer triggered by random, stupid things that don’t matter at all. I was able to stay aligned with my values and the person I wanted to be.

And I started feeling lighter and happier than ever before.

Mindset work can take many different forms — whatever way you choose, it’s definitely something you should invest in if you want to be your happiest self

5) Relationships should always come first

Something else I learned in my late 20s is that relationships are like a glue that holds everything else together. 

I have to admit: I didn’t use to put people first.

If I had the choice between doing something myself or with a team, I’d do it myself because it was the fastest, and I didn’t trust others to do it the way I wanted.

I’d work overtime and miss out on time I could have spent with my family or friends. 

And then I was hit by a scary thought: what if one day, these people aren’t there anymore, and I can’t make up for the time lost anymore?

That thought was scarier than the worst horror movie I could ever imagine, because life without people we care about is the worst kind of apocalypse. 

Your joy will only multiply if you share it with people you love. During rough times, it’s the people close to you who will make it bearable and give you support.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you live entirely for other people: even today, if my friends invite me out to do something that doesn’t align with my values or goals, I still gently say no. 

But get this straight in your heart: if you were alone on this planet or had nobody close to you, life would not be worth living. So make sure you prioritize what truly matters. 

6) Change is a wonderful gift

Have you heard this famous question by Tony Robbins

He asked his audience if they like surprises, and of course most people said yes. And he answered, “Bullsh*t! You only like surprises you want. The ones you don’t want, you call problems.”

But something the happiest women realize by the time they’re 30 is that all surprises, or unexpected changes in life, are gifts.

For example, I never would have met one of my absolute best friends if everything in my life went according to plan.

I was going to attend a dance class, but I was feeling pretty tired that day — so when a friend I ran into invited me to join him at his company dinner, I said yes, even though I had already paid for the dance class.

And I ended up sitting next to my future best friend. 

Even things that looked really negative and unpleasant at the time have turned out to be a blessing for me later in life. 

So to live your happiest life, you must recognize that the universe has things in store for you that are so amazing, you couldn’t possibly plan for them yourself. 

7) Purpose gives you a reason to live

Finally, by the time they’re 30, the happiest women know the importance of finding and pursuing a life purpose.

This doesn’t mean you have to have everything figured out by the time you blow out the candles. 

But, you should start to orient your mindset towards finding the path you want to walk down, and consider the impact you’d like to make on the world. 

This will keep you from wandering aimlessly through life and keep you walking in a meaningful direction. 

It will guide you when it comes time to make difficult decisions, like a star shining light on the right path. 

And, following your purpose will add a sense of deep fulfillment to your life, which is so important to finding true and lasting happiness. 

The best is yet to come

Whether you’re nearing your 30s, still have a long way to go, or have passed that milestone years ago, I have one important message for you.

The best is yet to come.

This is true no matter what age you are. 

Because you know what? Your life is whatever you make it. It is never too late to learn these lessons, transform your life, or find deep meaning.

I hope this article has helped you do just that, so you can be the happiest woman you’ve ever been. 

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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