7 things that confident women never feel the need to prove

In today’s competitive age, so many women feel the need to “prove” themselves. 

I must admit I used to be one of them, always worrying what others thought of me and trying to prove myself in one way or another.

But as I gained true self-confidence, I realized that it shines from within and doesn’t need any validation — in particular, when it comes to the 7 things below. 

And in fact, I never feel the need to prove these things anymore. 

I’m excited to share these insights with you today, so that hopefully I can help other women make the same progress in their personal growth as I did. 

1) That they’re intelligent 

In a world where there are tests and quizzes for everything, intelligence can seem like something you either prove or don’t have. 

Personally I used to feel nervous every time I saw a friend post a brain puzzle on Facebook or came across an intelligence quiz on Instagram. 

I felt like I always needed to do it and share my results to show I was smart — and I was always trying to use big words, challenge others, or put on some sort of display of my intellect. 

But you know what I’ve come to realize? True intelligence isn’t measured by your ability to flaunt it or be the loudest in the room. 

It’s about your ability to think critically and independently, make connections, and empathize with others. 

It’s obviously very hard to do that when your energy is focused on proving yourself — but comes completely naturally when you give yourself space to listen intently, ask insightful questions, and share perspectives that are meaningful. 

2) That they’re “right”

Especially as men often overpower them with their assertiveness and dominance, many women feel like they need to prove that they’re “right”. 

It’s like if it turns out they are wrong or made a mistake, it means they’re incompetent or not knowledgeable.

But let me tell you a secret. Even the smartest, most skilled people on the planet are still wrong sometimes.

In fact, they are probably wrong quite often! What makes them so admired and respected is the fact that they’re willing to admit it. And because of that, people know they can trust them. 

When I understood this, I stopped being scared of being wrong — and all my relationships improved drastically.

Particularly the one with my partner. It turns out, so many of our heated discussions kept going because we weren’t focused on solving the problem, but “winning” the argument. 

Now, I’ve become a much better listener and much more open-minded to different viewpoints. And it’s taken the pressure off of always having to have the perfect answer. 

3) That they’re happy being single

I don’t know about you, but for me one of the most challenging times for my self-confidence was when I found myself single again after a long relationship.

I felt like my breakup was a big flashing sign to everyone around that there’s something wrong with me and that I’m unlovable.

So it became practically a mission for me to prove that that’s not the case. I did my best to look happy, tout the benefits of singlehood, and post photos of me having a good time.

Somewhere along the line, I started to really believe it — but funnily enough, that’s when I stopped feeling the need to prove it was true.

I knew I was truly happy with myself on the inside, and that’s all that mattered to me. Trying to influence what others thought of me seemed like a waste of time, and you never have a guarantee of it working anyways.

So I turned my energy to something much more worthwhile — personal development.

That has stuck with me even as I met my next partner and has helped me stay confident and truly happy through all my relationship status changes. 

4) That they’re independent

It’s easy to think that you need to prove your self-sufficiency, especially in a world where women are often perceived as needing assistance. (No thanks to all the Disney princess movies!)

I’m embarrassed to think back at how I made a show of always paying for half the bill when I went out with my partner. As if any nice gesture he did for me meant I relied on him too much.

Likewise, I always felt super uncomfortable asking for help at work, and I probably wasted a lot of time trying everything I could before finally going to one of my colleagues. 

The truth is, when you’re truly self-sufficient, you’re happy accepting generosity or help with grace, because you know it doesn’t take anything away from you — much less your independence.

That’s an inner strength that doesn’t require any validation. 

5) That they’re attractive

We have industries that are built entirely off of women’s belief that they’re not attractive enough the way they are. 

And unfortunately, they do a great job of reinforcing it. 

You must cover your face with makeup, spend hours styling your hair, and wear very nice clothes — otherwise, you don’t measure up. 

Of course, that is entirely not true. I have spent a lot of effort working on my body and my overall image through fitness, skincare, and learning to style my hair and clothes.

But I’ve never felt more attractive than when I started cultivating self-love towards myself. 

It was actually a friend that got me into it, when she suggested we take a self-love course together. She had recently become single, so I wanted to support her — but I was surprised by how much value I got out of the course myself. 

I do still put on makeup sometimes, but I never do it because I’m trying to prove to others that I’m pretty. 

I know I have my own beauty which can shine whether I enhance it with makeup or not — and the people who can appreciate it will see it either way.

6) That they’re likable

When I first entered the professional world, I was hyper-aware of the impressions I made on my colleagues. 

I would constantly monitor my words, my actions, even my body language, in an attempt to be more likable. I remember going out of my way to agree with others, laugh at their jokes, and join in on activities I had no real interest in.

But over time, I realized that the connections I formed this way were shallow and unfulfilling. In my quest to be liked by everyone, I was stifling my authentic self and missing out on the deeper connections that come from being genuine.

I slowly started gaining confidence to show up as my true self — and the results were remarkable. I found that the people who appreciated my authenticity were drawn to me, and our interactions were far more meaningful.

It’s so liberating to let go of the need to please everyone. When you’re confident in yourself, you’re comfortable with the fact that not everyone will like you — and that’s perfectly okay. 

What matters most is that you like yourself and the person you present to the world is the real you.

7) That they made the right parenting choices

This last one is a bit controversial — parenting choices.

Whether they choose to have children or not, confident women don’t feel the need to defend their choices or prove that they’re good parents.

Because you know what? It’s nobody else’s business. 

Nobody has the full picture of what your values, health, lifestyle, and upbringing is like. This is 100% your decision, and you’re the only one who can make a fully informed one that’s best for you and your family.

But sadly, sooner or later every woman finds herself bombarded with questions like “And when are you having kids?” or “How can you possibly want to adopt / do IVF / get a surrogate?”

When a friend of mine had her first child, she told me it felt like every decision she made was under scrutiny — from the type of diapers she bought to the way she fed her baby. 

It sounded truly exhausting — but what I admired most was the way my friend never felt the need to defend her choices.

She never asked for anyone’s opinions, so she didn’t feel the need to listen to their unsolicited advice — or prove that she made the right decision. 

Becoming your most confident self

You’ve just learned 7 things that confident women never feel the need to prove.

Ladies, do you ever find yourself looking for validation for these things? 

If yes, here is your call to stop — and step into your confident self.

I know from personal experience it can take time to build up genuine confidence, but as long as you’re committed to your personal growth, you’ll get there sooner than you’ll even realize. 

Did you like my article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.

Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

If you want to move forward in life, stop making these 8 excuses

8 unique traits of people who know how to think for themselves