Clifton Kopp
Do you know couples who always seem to be on impeccable terms?
Minimal drama, fluid communication, the flame still burning after years, and so on.
There are many reasons why relationships like this can thrive–one of them being the presence of confident partners.
Confident people bring a powerful sense of self-assuredness to relationships
They’re not caught up in mundane insecurities–things like overthinking and jealousy; they’re able to see far beyond that.
Once both partners (assuming you’re not polygamous) are in a space where they can consistently be themselves without the pettiness involved, then simply put, this is a recipe for success.
Do you want to start cultivating confidence in your relationship?
You’ve come to the right place. Let’s get to it!
1) Comparing themselves with others
They say comparison is the thief of joy, a sentiment that very much extends to our relationships.
We live in a social media-dominant world, one where digital access to the best, idealized versions of people is a mere click away.
Therefore, these days, the practice of comparing ourselves to others is a naturally heightened one.
You might notice friends posting about their picture-perfect relationships–romances that appear to be straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel.
Yet in real life, things aren’t always as rosy.
I have a close buddy whose girlfriend is constantly uploading content of their idyllic union; about how their unconditional love was written in the stars.
My friend has confided in me repeatedly that they are unhappy, that there is constant strife and fighting, and that breaking up is often on the horizon.
Social media isn’t reality. The confident person is deeply aware of the distinction.
They don’t feel the need to compare themselves with others, whether in terms of relationships or life in general.
They see the bigger picture: that if they’re happy and content, this is all that really matters.
Everything else is just noise.
2) Needing constant validation
From my experience, the most successful relationships are those where both people are already fully formed individuals before choosing romance.
Listen, this ain’t the Victorian era anymore, subservient partners are a thing of the past.
In an ideal world, both partners should be aware of the assets that they bring to the table.
This is confidence in a nutshell.
The confident person may accept affirmation but they don’t need it–it’s considered a bonus, not a necessity.
When a partnership is defined by that level of independence and assuredness, you can fully expect harmonious longevity.
Conversely, the needy partner tends to lack identity and this might manifest in the need for regular validation.
Something that, when one-sided, can frankly get a little tiring.
3) Being alone
I know people who remain in mediocre relationships because they have a deep-seated fear of being alone.
In hindsight, this is unfair, since, in essence, they’re being dishonest to both themselves and their partners.
Confident people, on the other hand, feel at peace with solitude and spending time alone.
Being single is considered an opportunity to undertake new challenges such as strengthening one’s sense of self.
They don’t confine themselves to the ingrained societal norm that romance is the only route to a fulfilling life.
They don’t think in linear terms, they know that there are myriad ways to gain happiness and remain open to exploring these options.
Whether in love or out of it, they never lose their identity in a relationship or let it define their existence.
4) The past
People with shaky foundations might have unrealistic standards for what they want in a partner.
One of these qualities is having a spotless background. This approach, however, actually limits their opportunities for true contentment.
Maybe they aren’t able to see past their partner’s past relationships, constantly ruminating over things out of their control.
This is insecurity banging at the door.
The confident person, however, is fully accepting of the fact that nobody, including themselves, is perfect or has the perfect past. They’re grounded in this sense.
Hence, they’re accepting of flaws, imperfections, and blunders both past and present, as long as growth is observed.
Dwelling isn’t in the confident person’s vocabulary–moving forward, however, is.
5) Minor disagreements
Here’s the thing: having the occasional squabble in a relationship is about as normal and predictable as a formulaic Hollywood rom-com from the 90s.
In other words, it’s to be expected.
In fact, if you don’t fight or disagree in your relationship, then this could be more concerning down the line.
Confident people are aware that disagreements are completely natural; they don’t consider them deal-breakers or obsess excessively about underlying relationship issues.
They argue, make up, and move on. End of story.
When I was in my first real relationship in my early 20s, I would freak out and get paranoid after a fight.
I’d plead with my (far more experienced) partner to forgive me, worried she’d dump me soon after, despite her requests for space.
Instead of taking everyday couple arguments in stride, I’d be intensely preoccupied about how it was the beginning of the end.
Looking back now, I can only chuckle at my naive former self. Live and learn, I suppose.
6) Speaking up
It’s not just some empty cliche you might hear from a Netflix dating show, communication really is the bedrock of any functioning relationship.
Confident people tend to have more successful relationships than others because they are unafraid to express their needs, their feelings, and boundaries.
When you have partners who shut down instead of communicating, you basically have two headless chickens roaming about, with their demise all but imminent.
Insecure people have difficulty voicing their needs and wants, preferring to sweep things under the rug instead of being forthcoming and vocal.
Confident people are assertive and take control of the situation, whether that is for work, play, or romance.
7) That they’ll be found out
For the most part, confident people aren’t afraid to be themselves in a relationship.
They seem to have nailed that delicate balance between being comfortable and not completely letting go.
They’re vulnerable about their shortcomings; not in a constant state of anxiety that their partner might discover something that will be grounds for a breakup.
When you’re truly confident, you know your worth.
You also know that if a potential partner is put off by a perceived imperfection, they’re rarely worth your time.
Instead of second-guessing, you have the decisiveness to cut your losses and walk away.
Final thoughts
If you want to enter a self-assured relationship, then the first thing you have to do is work on yourself.
Don’t rush into romance hoping to find meaning. Life doesn’t work this way.
Instead, take concrete steps to build your confidence. When the time is right, chances are the right person will come around.
At this point, you will be in a position to give your best self to your partner and the relationship.
And if you already are in a relationship and want to grow your confidence, then the fact that you’re able to acknowledge it is already an impressive step.
You’re well on your way.
Keep at it; actively avoid the behaviors listed in this article.
With a bit of dedication, I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll get to where you want to be.
