Paul Brian
People with high self-worth live by a different set of rules.
They consistently do the following things.
When you know your value, these actions and habits are in your blood.
1) They know how to say no
People with high self-worth are able to say no.
They have boundaries they won’t cross and things they won’t do and that’s just how it goes.
Whereas people who are less sure of themselves will often give into pressure or do things they don’t want to do, a person with high self-worth doesn’t do it.
Whether that’s dating somebody they don’t want, taking a job they aren’t interested in or agreeing to go out to an event they don’t want to, the high self-worth man or woman isn’t afraid to say no.
2) They give respect for respect
People with high self-worth are polite and respectful to whoever they meet.
But beyond basic etiquette, they wait to give real respect and trust where it is earned.
They respect those who respect them. This creates an upward-trending spiral of respect and esteem.
People know that this individual won’t just give out respect and friendship like candy, so they know that they have to be authentic and sincere when they want this person’s respect and confidence.
3) They pursue loving relationships
People with high self-worth pursue relationships where they are really loved.
They actively avoid ending up with people who play mind games or disrespect them.
This may sound simple, but it’s not always an easy thing to do:
After all, when somebody falls in love with a person or is highly attracted to them, it’s easy to lose sight of one’s limits.
People with high self-worth don’t let that happen.
They are open to love, but if it comes with codependency or toxic strings attached they’re not interested.
4) They back themselves
People who know their own value are their own biggest fan.
They recognize their faults and are not arrogant, but at the same time they stand up for themselves and support themselves even if nobody else does.
They don’t depend on outer validation for an ounce of their self-worth, because outer validation comes and goes.
“People with self-worth are their own cheerleaders first and foremost.
They know that people liking them is temporary.
So they don’t depend on what people say or think about them.”
5) They write a powerful script
We all have a script and play a role in it.
This script is the story of our lives as we tell it to ourselves.
It may have many complexities and layers and twists and turns. But at the heart of this script is a basic core struggle or dream:
The attempt of a loner to be understood and loved, the journey of an artist to find her footing in a cold world, the endeavors of a dancer to rise to excellence in ballet…
Whatever the story is, the person with high self-worth writes a powerful script.
They don’t emphasize their weaknesses or tragedies, they emphasize their endurance and victories.
The stumbling blocks along the way only make their eventual success all the more glorious, and the feeling that they’re a victim or singled out for failure has no place in this script.
6) They avoid conversational crutches
People of high self-worth avoid weakening what they say.
This means they speak with an audible voice and express themselves directly.
Qualifiers such as “maybe,” “I guess,” “sorta,” “kinda,” “I dunno” are very rare in their sentences.
These types of fillers are sure signs of insecurity or “hedging bets.”
People who know their worth don’t hedge their bets. They just say what they have to say.
7) They practice strong body language
People with high self-worth carry themselves with confidence and poise.
They stand up straight, walk confidently and look people in the eye.
They keep their feet shoulder-length apart and throw their shoulders back, ready to meet the world unashamed and unafraid.
Strong body language is an indispensable part of every high-value person’s repertoire.
8) They stay grounded, win or lose
People with high self-worth don’t hinge their value on outer opinions or events.
A man with high self-worth who wants desperately to win a swimming championship he’s been training for for two years doesn’t feel any less self-worth if he loses.
He just feels disappointed he lost and even more determined to win next time!
A woman with high self-worth who is deeply in love with a man after years of being single only for him to break up with her doesn’t feel any less self-worth that he left.
She just feels very sad and heartbroken!
This is the thing about people who truly value themselves: it’s not dependent upon getting what they want or winning. It’s inherent and doesn’t change.
9) They know their own faults and work on them
The high self-worth individual knows their faults and tries to improve them.
Understanding where he or she falls short isn’t embarrassing or shameful for somebody who truly values themselves, because it doesn’t hit their core self-worth.
You could be a terrible public speaker and have a really mean jealous streak, or have problems with staying in a job and a habit of speaking aggressively and pushing people away…
None of these faults would make you any less of a valuable person: they would simply be faults you need to work on.
That’s how high self-worth folks see it: yes there are things I have to work on in my life, but so what?
So does everyone! Let’s go!
10) They find and bring out the value in others
People with high self-worth are like magnets for others.
They help find and bring out winning traits and self-worth in others.
If you’ve ever met somebody very encouraging and secure with themselves then you know exactly what I mean.
They find that spark in others and help them realize their essential value and that their self-worth doesn’t depend on anyone else or on social validation.
11) They solve problems when they can
People of high self-worth try their best to be competent and able.
They fix anything they can and face problems head-on.
If people need them to deal with an issue they will do their level best to do so as quickly and efficiently as possible.
They love learning new skills and being able to help people out in a jam.
12) They ask for help if they need it
If and when they don’t know how to resolve a situation or fix what’s wrong, a high self-worth person will ask for help.
Their ego isn’t in the way, because they don’t need that outer validation.
This means that unlike people who might try to bluff their way through fixing a broken lamp or a plugged sink, the person who truly values themselves is willing to say they just aren’t sure and hire somebody if necessary.
As I mentioned in the previous point, they’ll help out if they know how, but they also aren’t afraid to ask for a hand if somebody else is more experienced.
13) They are gaslight-proof
Try to gaslight a person of high self-worth:
It doesn’t work.
Anybody who truly values themselves finds attempts to mislead them or blame them for things that aren’t their fault totally see through.
Whether it’s a fraudster, a cheating partner, or a politician on TV, the high self-worth man or woman can see gaslighting from a mile away.
“This isn’t happening!” or “Fine it is happening, but it’s your fault anyway!” are two mind-bending gaslighting tactics with zero traction for a person of high self-worth.
Maintain your frame
People with self-worth maintain their frame.
This means they know what they want and what they stand for and they stick to that in spite of opposition or the motives or desires of others.
If you find that you often break frame and give in or find yourself as the “nice guy” or “easygoing girl” who always gets told what to do, it’s time to rediscover your own worth and value and put that into practice.
“I’ve seen so many men crumble and break down and let people manipulate them and get taken advantage of.
“They don’t even know what’s happening…
“You need to maintain and establish some boundaries and you need to make sure your frame is where it needs to be so people don’t take advantage of you and you have positioned yourself for success.”
When you maintain your frame you are able to actually help others as well and be of real service.
People of high self-worth understand the secret of success, which is to start by truly respecting and owning yourself and using that as your foundation for reaching out and serving others.
