What do you think – is EQ more important than IQ when it comes to choosing a partner?
Sure, ideally, you wouldn’t have to choose, and I’m certainly not going to be the one to make you!
I’m just curious if you think emotional intelligence is as important in a relationship as I think it is.
To me, that emotional intelligence is going to help you stay happy and keep your relationship happy for years. Not only that, but having high EQs can also help people succeed in education and their careers, too.
So it’s not just raw intelligence that can help secure a great material future in addition to your emotional future.
I obviously have a brilliant partner who’s reading this over my shoulder right now (!), but I think it’s her emotional intelligence that I love even more than her intellect.
Because there are at least 7 things people with high emotional intelligence do that make them excellent partners that you’ll be truly thankful for.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a brilliant, attractive, talented person you really admired?
Next question – did it fall apart because that person was a poor communicator?
Well, my relationship did (don’t worry, she’s gone, and I can talk about my ex now!), and it was a real disappointment.
I dated a woman for about six months, and things were going really great. We’d started talking about moving things to the next level, or at least I did, but when I brought up the idea of moving in together, <poof!> she disappeared faster than a magician’s assistant!
She wasn’t totally ghosting me, but she was suddenly really busy, tired, and otherwise unavailable. We talked a bit on the phone, but things were really stilted and uncomfortable.
I didn’t see her for a week, and when we finally met up, I gave her time to bring up what was clearly bothering her.
But she didn’t.
We went to dinner and then met up with friends, and she never said a word about what had gone down.
So the next time we met, I brought it up again and told her I didn’t mean to spook her or anything. I wanted to be sure she knew I was cool if she wasn’t ready, but even this, she kind of brushed off and tried to avoid it.
For me, this spelled trouble.
I was looking for someone I could communicate with, and sadly, though she ticked most of my other boxes, it soon became clear that this wasn’t that person.
2) Respect boundaries
We all have boundaries, even if we don’t necessarily realize where all of them are.
There are things that you wouldn’t do for moral reasons that you may not have thought about until someone tries to push you in that direction.
There are limits to what you can take from other people before feeling angry or like your privacy is being invaded.
These are just a few examples.
Well, people who have lots of emotional intelligence will respect your boundaries and not ignore them or try to push past them like others might.
But they also do something even better.
They often realize where your boundaries lie even before you do.
So it’s not like the push once, and then you assert yourself, and everyone knows where your limit is.
In most cases, they can feel things out really well and don’t have to push you at all.
This helps keep their relationships smooth, and their partners feel respected and appreciated.
3) Support you when you’re down
Having high emotional intelligence means that you’re great at recognizing other people’s emotions, understanding them, and relating to them as well.
So you’d better believe that partners with high EQs will be excellent at detecting when you’re feeling your best.
And when you’re really down, like when you fail to get a great job you were gunning for, or when you screw up at work, they’re right there in your corner.
They recognize that disappointment is normal, but they can also tell when things are going too far. They might see signs that you’re beating yourself up or even falling into a depression.
When they do, they grab you by the hand and lead you back to a place where you can feel grounded.
Rather than letting you wallow in self-pity or batter your self-esteem down to nothing, they remind you that you’re still a valuable person even if you’ve messed up.
Their ability to know when and how to support you when you’re down is invaluable.
4) Support you when you’re up
But so is their ability to support you when you’re up.
This is something a lot of people forget about relationships.
They’re meant to be partnerships, where the combination of the two of you is better than the sum of your two individual parts.
But in a lot of relationships, partners don’t feel respected or properly valued.
So when one has a win, the other might feel jealous or even resentful of them. They could get competitive and try to one-up their partner, or they could downplay the accomplishment to try to take the wind out of the other person’s sails.
A partner with great social intelligence wouldn’t do any of these things, however.
They praise their partners and believe they deserve their accomplishments, and this makes them share their wins instead of resenting them.
5) Help you understand yourself
Sometimes, we react to situations without thinking.
Even those of us who tend to overthink things can still end up acting on impulse or having knee-jerk reactions when we’re stressed or worked up.
At other times, we stay still when others would act. We don’t do anything even though it makes little sense to keep frozen.
These things tend to happen when we’re not fully in touch with our emotions.
Here’s an example of what I mean.
I had a job once that I really liked. It was challenging and interesting, and it made me feel quite fulfilled every day.
But it also had a big problem, which was that I was the new guy working with an established team who all knew and liked each other. So, guess what?
They blamed everything that went wrong on me. I kept catching heat for their mistakes, and it was truly unfair.
And yet, I did nothing about it.
But my partner luckily helped me understand why I was behaving this way.
She helped me work through my feelings about the situation and realize why I was paralyzed. It became clear that I was too worried that I’d lose this great job to assert myself, but by not asserting myself, I was in even more danger of losing the job.
That definitely led to me making changes for the better, and I really owed her for being able to help me understand things I hadn’t even recognized in myself!
Emotionally intelligent people have a great sense of when to talk and when to listen.
When you’ve got something really important to talk about, they sense that and let you have the floor.
They also listen actively.
They give you feedback uh-huhs and nods and ask relevant questions to let you know they’re paying attention.
And they definitely don’t play on their phones or watch videos while you’re talking about the most important thing that happened to you that day.
You may have to get their attention, but if your partner is emotionally intelligent and mature, you’ll be able to simply ask for it. Of course, you also need to use your EQ to let you know when you can reasonably ask for their attention.
Then, they’ll give it to you by truly listening to and appreciating you.
7) Take care of themselves
Emotionally intelligent people recognize and understand other people’s emotions, but they also understand their own.
This doesn’t mean that they end up taking care of themselves because they don’t think their partners can’t.
Instead, they recognize their own needs and know that if they don’t attend to them, they’re not going to be happy.
So they do things like take a mental health day off work or go off for a solo walk in the woods to clear their head. They might also let you know that they need to get together with their friends and socialize to help them get some issues worked out or to get their energy levels back up.
Whatever it is they need, they know that they need to take steps to care for themselves and not just wait and hope for you or someone else to do it.
They know we all need self-care, and they’ll encourage you to do the same as well.
These seven things people with high emotional intelligence do that make them excellent partners are worth their weight in gold.
They help to improve their emotional hygiene and that of their partners so that their relationships are truly happy and healthy.