14 things people get wrong about ultra-confident women

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Have you ever seen a confident woman walk into the room and made some automatic assumptions about her?

You wouldn’t be alone.

It’s hard not to instantly judge others based on the limited information we are picking up from them.

Maybe your assumptions are kind. You imagine that she must have her life totally together. 

Or perhaps your assumptions are a little unfair, and you imagine that with all that confidence must come some undesirable traits.

Yet so often we are mistaken.

Here are some very common things that people get wrong about ultra-confident women.

1) They’re bossy

Sadly, assertive women up and down the land still get this insult hurled at them.

And the truth is that there is plenty of sexism tied up in it.

Whilst their male counterparts may not be chastised for their clarity or straight-talking, the same behavior from women can be seen as overbearing.

They tell it like it is, but are called a “b*tch” for doing so.

Confidence often means people are happy to share their thoughts, opinions, and ideas. And others won’t always like that.

2) They’re demanding

Ultra-confident women are better at voicing their needs and wants.

They know it’s not selfish to do so.

Similarly, they are perfectly happy to set and uphold clear boundaries. And they’ll let you know when you have crossed them.

Ok, that may make them seem formidable from time to time.

Especially as too many people-pleasers are letting others get away with things they shouldn’t.

But don’t mistake it for being “awkward” or “difficult”.

High standards often come as a consequence of knowing your worth.

3) Their confidence is part of their personality

Don’t do them a disservice.

Yes, some people are fortunate enough to have a natural self-belief.

But for the vast majority, that self-worth was hard-earned.

We often talk about confidence as a character trait, but it’s also a skill.

That means it is learned. And there isn’t usually an easy way to learn it.

It demands leaving your comfort zone and pushing yourself. It requires building resilience through trial and error.

Plenty of ultra-confident women have built their inner belief by surviving hardships and living to tell the tale.

4) They’re arrogant

“Who do they think they are?”

“She clearly thinks she’s all that.”

“That girl is totally stuck up!”

When someone feels insecure about a woman’s strength, they often seek to pull her down a peg or two.

And the suggestion that she is conceited or haughty does just that.

Just because a woman doesn’t hide, it does not mean she thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread.

There is a huge difference between arrogance and self-confidence, yet many people mix up the two.

5) They never doubt themselves

Yes, she backs herself.

Yes, she stands by her decisions.

Whilst an ultra-confident woman avoids second-guessing herself, that doesn’t mean doubt won’t occasionally creep in.

She is only human after all.

It’s not a sign that her confidence is failing.

If anything it shows that she can reconsider and question herself with self-awareness.

6) They aren’t afraid of rejection

Everybody is afraid of rejection.

It’s such a natural reaction that it’s biologically programmed into us.

Experts think that it goes back to those days when social rejection meant exclusion from the group and probable death as a consequence.

Don’t forget, we relied on each other far more for our survival back then. So the stakes were high.

Yet this evolutionary hangup is still going strong. So much so that research shows we feel rejection in the same way we feel physical pain.

That goes for ultra-confident women too.

She still has feelings, and they can still get hurt.

7) They’re unapproachable

There’s a big difference between someone else being unfriendly and you simply being intimidated by them.

When we say that confident women are unapproachable, often we just mean that we are scared to approach them.

But it’s not necessarily down to any vibes they are giving off. It’s more of a reflection of the person who feels inferior.

Very confident women can get stuck with an ice queen stereotype, just because they’re not conforming to gender stereotypes of what femininity is and how a woman “should” behave.

8) They are totally independent and don’t need anyone else

So wrong.

A strong woman may be independent and fully capable of taking care of herself.

She may show self-reliance and self-sufficiency in her work and relationships.

But she still needs and wants the loving support of others in her life.

Connection is what gives life meaning.

She may be incredibly competent. Maybe it even seems like she can “do it all”. But that doesn’t mean she won’t enjoy having love, laughter, and a hand to hold.

We all need each other in life — and that goes just as much for an ultra-confident woman as it does anyone else.

9) They’re sassy

I hate the word sassy.

Really, calling someone sassy is just a way of claiming they are aggressive.

Yet also doing so in a condescending way.

It’s usually used to imply they aren’t very good at keeping a handle on their emotions.

They’re “overly passionate”.

But ultra confidence does not need to come along with tantrums.

10) They’re attention-seeking

Maybe it’s because we think of confidence as something that demands our attention.

But you can be an ultra-confident woman who prefers to keep herself to herself.

You can be a quiet confident woman.

You can be a calm confident woman.

You can be a humble confident woman.

There is nothing about confidence that demands you to be loud or attention-seeking.

Don’t assume a woman lacks confidence just because she doesn’t crave the limelight. 

11) They never experience nerves

Maybe they don’t show it, but for sure they have nerves just like the rest of us.

Sometimes confidence can be a protective armour we wear.

That’s not to say we’re faking it. It’s just that we are trying our best to emulate it.

Underneath that calm and cool exterior, you never know what’s going on.

Those butterflies don’t just disappear as our confidence grows, not entirely.

Because they are a sign that something matters to us. It shows we care about the outcome.

12) They never cry

Sadly, showing emotion is still considered by some people as a display of weakness.

So it can be expected that ultra-confident women have outgrown this “failing” that lesser people get tripped up by.

Being labeled as tough can mean others don’t expect you to get upset or cry.

Yet they are totally mistaking resilience for repression.

They are not the same thing.

Being tough means getting knocked down and still getting back up again. It means putting yourself out there again, despite how scary it may feel.

But holding in your feelings is just denial, and it’s incredibly unhealthy.

Confident women have the confidence to show their feelings rather than hide from them.

13) They never fake it

Plenty of ultra-confident women still can have their shaky moments.

And during those times, they may need to fake it.

In fact, the fake it till you make it approach can work really well in building your confidence in the first place.

  • Adopting a confident stance and body language
  • Adopting a confident vocabulary
  • Adopting confident self-talk

All these things can help to push us into being a little bit more self-assured, even when we’re not totally feeling it.

14) Their confidence makes them extroverted

People all too often assume that introversion naturally equals shyness.

But it’s just not the case.

There isn’t only one way to be confident. It’s not something exclusively for the most extroverted amongst us.

It just often shows up in a different way.

You don’t have to boldly stroll into a room and start calling the shots. Some of the most confident people can quite blend into the background.

Confidence is ultimately about how you feel about yourself on the inside. Not about how it looks to other people from the outside.

Confidence is a superpower but it doesn’t make you superwoman

Perhaps generally speaking it all comes down to this:

Ultra-confident women are not invincible. But their confidence does offer them reassurance, tenacity, and staying power.

The chances are they put in the inner work to create that unshakable self-love and self-esteem.

They have used certain tools to their advantage. Things like:

  • Positive thinking
  • Knowing that practice makes perfect
  • Challenging themselves

And now they are reaping the rewards!

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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