7 things “nice” women do that keep them in the friend zone

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You don’t want to be someone’s friend, you want to be their girlfriend. 

Yet, somehow you keep ending up in the friend zone. 

One thing I’ve noticed is that, just like with men, the nicer you are, the less chance you have of making it out of the platonic zone and into something romantic. 

Sound like you? 

Read on for 7 things “nice” women do that keep them in the friend zone. 

1) Taking on the role of the “comforter” 

This is one of the biggest mistakes a woman can make when she’s interested in a man. 

She becomes a safe, comfortable place for him to offload all his problems; issues at work, family troubles, even failed dates or relationships. 

And don’t get me wrong, I know why some women do this. They’re being kind, and that’s admirable. 

But when you’re trying to get a guy interested romantically, you don’t want to become the shoulder he leans on for comfort. 

That puts you in the friend zone. 

Instead, encourage him to seek advice from his friends. Be there for him, but don’t fall into the trap of always being available whenever he needs to rant or blow steam. 

Ultimately, you want to shift his mindset from seeing you as a great friend, to someone who is girlfriend material. 

2) Being friendly rather than flirty 

Do you struggle to flirt? Perhaps you’re shy? 

That’s okay. Flirting doesn’t come naturally to everyone. 

I’m pretty crap at it. But I learned along the way that a bit of cheeky banter keeps men on their toes. 

I consider myself a nice person, so I sometimes have to hold my tongue from saying “sorry” when I tease a guy or make him blush. 

When words fail you, try eye contact. That’ll say everything you’re unable to verbalize. Hold his gaze for just a few seconds longer than you normally would – he’ll get the message. 

And hey, if face-to-face flirting is a bit much for you, try your hand at flirting via text. Emojis can help with that (the wink face, for example, will be your best friend).

Ultimately, you don’t want to go overboard or make it feel forced. Try to keep it lighthearted and genuine. 

3) Showing too much romantic interest 

On the flip side, if flirting isn’t an issue but you’ve gone too far in showing romantic interest, you could be keeping yourself in the friend zone. 

A manipulative person can hide their intentions pretty well. They know how to play it cool. 

But a nice person is honest. They’re upfront about their feelings. They go out of their way to help their love interest because they’re kind. 

Of course, I’m not implying you need to become manipulative. But perhaps tone down the niceness just a notch. 

Let him know you’re interested. But don’t center your world around him before you’ve even got into a relationship.

Do things like:

  • Maintain your own social life
  • Get on with hobbies 
  • Avoid texting him around the clock 

Sometimes, men just need that little bit of mystery for them to see you in a different light. If you’re showing too much interest, that can be off-putting and can give the impression that you’re needy or desperate. 

4) Agreeing with everything they say 

Have you ever found yourself nodding along and agreeing with something a man says, just to put him at ease? You may fully disagree, but rather than rock the boat, you play along. 

This is something nice women do without realizing it works against them.

And as someone who used to be like this, I found myself either in the friend zone or with men who wanted a woman who was seen but not heard. 

Neither of which were great options! So here’s what to do instead:

Be assertive with your opinions. Say how you really feel. Don’t be afraid to challenge men on their views.

The ones worth being with will actually respect you for that! 

This also gives him something to work with. Suddenly, your conversations get more interesting. He wants to know more about this wonderful personality of yours. 

Before you know it, you’re out of the friend zone

5) Helping out too much 

Another thing nice women do that keep them in the friend zone is being too helpful.

He needs a lift? You’re already waiting outside his house. 

He’s working late? You’re dropping off home-cooked meals at his office. 

While it’s sweet to help someone out, you risk becoming a “good friend” rather than someone exciting with dating potential. 

Also, some men can feel mothered when a woman is too nice in this way. If he’s an independent man, he’ll be able to handle himself. If he really, really needs help, then he’ll ask for it. 

So the lesson to learn is don’t go above and beyond just yet. Do those things once you’re actually together, not while you’re trying to win his attention. 

6) Not having enough confidence 

In my view, this is one of the biggest mistakes nice women make – they don’t approach men with confidence. Not all nice women of course, but certainly those that find themselves chronically in the friend zone. 

Confidence is sexy

It’s attractive.

When you carry yourself with your shoulders rolled back and your head held high, men get intrigued. 

When you state your opinions boldly and without fear, men pay attention. 

And when you approach a guy with a confident smile and some lingering eye contact, he’ll want more. 

If you struggle with your confidence levels, I’d suggest taking a break from pursuing men and working on yourself a little bit. Get out of your comfort zone, set a few goals, and achieve them. 

Once you feel secure within yourself, you’ll find it easier to navigate the dating world. 

7) Not gaining clarity on the relationship 

And finally, nice women make the mistake of not expecting a clear definition of the relationship. 

I’ve seen this (and experienced it) many times. 

Your friends ask, “So, what are you guys?” To which you shrug your shoulders…“I think he might like me, but we haven’t really discussed it…”

Women who don’t get friend-zoned make their intentions clear from the start.

And if a guy doesn’t make his clear, she’ll ask.

She knows she needs to define things as quickly as possible, so he doesn’t get the wrong impression and assume she just wants to be friends. 

And this is what you need to do too. But of course, this will be easier once you’ve worked on your confidence levels! 

Final thoughts 

The point of this article isn’t to say being “nice” is a bad thing. Absolutely not. 

But being “too nice” could be what’s keeping you from turning platonic relationships into romantic ones. 

Take the tips above on board, but don’t feel like you need to become a mean girl just to get a guy – you can be your authentic self, with just a few tweaks to get the other side interested! 

Kiran Athar

Kiran is a freelance writer with a degree in multimedia journalism. She enjoys exploring spirituality, psychology, and love in her writing. As she continues blazing ahead on her journey of self-discovery, she hopes to help her readers do the same. She thrives on building a sense of community and bridging the gaps between people. You can reach out to Kiran on Twitter: @KiranAthar1

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