Hey guys (and girls), if you want your relationship to work, you have to put in the effort–something that extends to being mindful of the things you say.
The truth is, words hold a lot of power. Make the wrong comment at the wrong time and it could just be the beginning of the end.
Fortunately, I’m here to help! In this article, I’ll take you through a list of 10 things to never say to your wife, even in the direst circumstances. By avoiding these remarks, you’ll be doing yourself and your better half plenty of favors. Let’s have a crack at it, shall we?
1) “I don’t care.”
Being a woman, your wife probably has specific interests and passions that you don’t. Maybe she’s unsure about her outfit and wants your opinion. Or maybe she made you watch her favorite film and is asking for feedback.
Saying you don’t care is the verbal equivalent of the shoulder shrug, it implies indifference and dismissiveness. Trust me, you’ll want to steer clear of this one if you don’t want trouble.
Instead, do your best to give thoughtful responses when she is expressing herself. At the very least, ask questions to show that you’re engaged! In short, a bit more effort won’t go unnoticed.
2) “You never…”
You’re basically telling your wife she’s been doing an inadequate job and your needs as her spouse remain unfulfilled.
This is a major downer for anyone to hear, especially when they feel like they’ve been trying their best. How would you feel if you’re being put down instead of being validated, and your efforts feel neglected?
Not too great, I’d suspect.
3) “Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”
They say, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” a sentiment that is most definitely relevant to marriage.
When you compare your wife to others (like her peers or your friend’s wives) what you’re essentially saying is:
“I’ve taken a step back and looked at our relationship and compared it to other people in our social circle. And I concluded that ours isn’t acceptable. Therefore, you aren’t acceptable.”
My ex used to compare me to her friend’s husbands all the time when we’d argue. She’d explain to me in great detail how sweet and caring they were. I’ll tell you this much: it made me feel pretty sh*tty about myself and the relationship.
Being compared to others is like a swift punch in the gut. So fellas, try to avoid doing it if you want your union to last.
4) “You’re overreacting.”
In a nutshell, this is you minimizing her. And nobody likes to feel minimized.
You’re basically telling your spouse that their feelings aren’t particularly valid and therefore she must be some emotional, hormonal loose cannon.
Let’s say your wife isn’t happy about you never doing your share of chores around the house.
She might be disappointed in you and express it through mild irritation.
Instead of making her feel heard, you utter the words “You’re overreacting” under your breath. I guarantee this will make a bad situation exponentially worse!
5) “It’s probably your period talking.”
If you ever feel the urge to use this one, I hope you have a good divorce lawyer on speed dial.
Whether it is that time of the month or not doesn’t really matter, it’s downright offensive. If she is actually PMS-ing, she is likely going through some intense cramps and mood swings. This is biological, so let it go.
You’re belittling her and the stress she is feeling. And it comes across as a tad sexist, too. Real talk.
6) “I told you so.”
In a marriage, you want to be her rock, not her snide, smart-ass adversary.
Saying this is akin to kicking someone when they’re down. You’ve won the argument by proving them wrong, let it be.
Victory is yours already. No need to condescendingly rub the mistake in her face. Don’t be that dude, please.
Uplift and empower, don’t insult.
7) “You’re getting fat.”
Speaking of insults, there are certain boundaries in a marriage you should never cross.
Commenting on weight is one of those topics you should work to avoid, unless of course it’s done in a gentle way that communicates a genuine concern about her health.
Saying someone is getting fat is not just damaging, it is positively mean-spirited, whether she has gained or not.
In fact, if she has gained a few pounds, she’s probably already self-conscious and aware of it, so tread lightly, my friend… you’re in dangerous territory here.
I think “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing” applies.
8) “You sound like your mom!”
If you want to simultaneously insult both your wife and her mother, then this will do the trick.
In other words, you’re telling your wife that you not only find her behavior appalling… you also have some hidden contempt for her mom, your mother-in-law. Yikes.
9) “I don’t love you anymore.”
Be careful of what you blurt out in the middle of an argument or rough patch, this phrase can be so damaging and hurtful, it may well be irreversible once it’s out there.
So unless you really want to be single, don’t say it.
If you’re having a spirited argument, fight fair. Calm down by giving each other space. Go for a run or leisurely walk in the park. Cooler heads always prevail.
10) “What did you do all day?”
Look, we all know you’re a hardworking person. And maybe your wife isn’t quite the breadwinner at the moment, so don’t be condescending about it by rhetorically asking her this if you come home to her relaxing on the sofa.
I’ll bet your wife did a whole lot without you, and it’s really none of your business what those things are, especially if you choose to communicate in such a patronizing manner.
In my past relationship, I was guilty of this. It was in the middle of the pandemic, and I was hustling to make ends meet.
I’d be working most of the day, only to come home to my longtime, recently unemployed girlfriend watching YouTube or sleeping.
Stressed out, I’d take it out on her by contemptuously inquiring, “What’d you do all day?” unaware of the hostility I was giving off.
I later found out that she was suffering from clinical manic depression and burnout.
I corrected myself, seeking to understand what she was going through instead of only thinking of myself. I chose compassion over complaining, and so should you.
In short, if you want a happy, harmonious relationship with your wife, make an effort to avoid saying these things and phrases like them. Instead, try to look at the glass as half full, honing in on your wife’s positive traits.
If you have an issue, then talk to her about it. But always be respectful, communicate and express your thoughts with empathy and kindness in mind.
There’s a reason you married this gorgeous woman; try to recall why!