Tina Fey
When was the last time you had a good old moan?
If you’re anything like most people, probably not so long ago. I confess that I find myself complaining about something or other on a daily basis.
It can feel cathartic at times, but it can also be pretty bad for us.
When we complain, the stress hormone cortisol is released into our body. So we’re actually putting ourselves into the tense fight-or-flight mode.
It’s all too easy to fall into this negative mindset. One where we look around us and find fault with others and the world itself.
But stoic people free themself from this trapping. They accept that their thoughts and beliefs create their world, and not their circumstances.
Because they take responsibility for themselves, you’ll never hear a naturally stoic person complain about these things…
1) Things they can’t control
The Dalai Lama once said:
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
He is absolutely right. But like so many of life’s pearls of wisdom, it can be far easier said than done.
Many of us will fret and complain about the things that are totally out of our hands. Stripping us of precious energy.
We may worry about what’s around the corner in life. We might curse getting stuck in traffic. Because both big and small, there are 1001 things that we don’t necessarily get a say in.
This is when stoic people practice acceptance instead.
That way they free themselves of the extra frustration by complaining about what cannot be changed.
2) The small things that aren’t worth sweating
I would say that 99.9% of the things I am guilty of complaining about aren’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
Sure, they can be annoying, but they won’t be something I will look back on in several years’ time and remember.
In fact, when I find myself lost in self-created irritation, I often ask myself that very question:
Will this matter in one week/one month/or one year’s time?
The answer is almost always no.
A stoic attitude gives us a more balanced way of looking at things.
We can put what we are feeling and experiencing into context rather than getting carried away.
When we zoom out, we can see the picture. This keeps you on a more even keel and helps you to let go of life’s trivial exasperations.
3) Not getting their own way
Let’s face it:
We all prefer to have things our way.
But stoic people realize that they’re not entitled to it. What’s more, they know it’s unrealistic to expect it.
People who complain a lot can quickly come across as spoiled.
We all have to consider other people’s needs and wants. That means taking into account the preferences of others too.
You won’t ever find a stoic person having a tantrum or making a fuss when they have to do things differently.
4) How life’s not fair
The truth is that life really isn’t fair.
What I mean by that is that wide disparages undeniably exist.
Through what seems like random luck, some of us will have it easier than others. Meanwhile, some will face struggles that others can never imagine.
Life can seemingly deal you a bad hand. But stoic people have built the resilience to withstand their hardships.
Rather than fall into victimhood, they can then take control. You’ll never see them indulging in a pity party. Because that only keeps you stuck.
When we feel always at the mercy of others or life itself, it’s challenging to be the Captain of your own ship.
5) Being wronged by others
Stoicism is the pursuit of self-mastery, so it’s a total red herring to try and control others. Any attempts to are sure to backfire.
So you won’t find stoic people wasting their time complaining about how other people have negatively impacted them.
They focus all of their attention on their own thoughts, feelings, and behavior. They know that what others do is actually none of their business.
Self-responsibility is their overall aim, and the actions of other people don’t factor into that.
Rather than whinge, they will take action when required, or let it drop if there is nothing they can do.
After all, holding grudges has a nasty habit of only eating away at us rather than the other person.
6) That others have more than them
A stoic outlook is in many ways a humble and restrained one. It recognizes that materialism does not equal happiness.
In our largely capitalist and consumer societies, we can go searching for our contentment in little luxuries.
The downside is that we are always left wanting more. It’s an eternal itch that never seems to get scratched.
It also tempts us to look around and notice what others have that we don’t.
Stoicism helps to keep envy in check.
It focuses on gratitude for what you do have, rather than feeling a lack of what is missing.
7) The things that are holding them back
Stoicism isn’t compatible with making excuses.
Stoic people have learned through trial and error to face their fear and come out the other side.
They accept that trying new things feels scary. They know that accomplishing anything demands risking failure.
Stoic people are able to get real with themselves because they know they can handle the truth.
They understand that finding reasons to complain about why they “can’t” do something is simply a way of hiding from life.
Instead, they admit that what they choose to do (or not) lies 100% with them.
8) Their obligations and responsibilities
When we think of a stoic person, we probably think of someone who is good at sucking things up and getting on with it.
A stoic attitude means that we recognize whatever we see as good and bad in the world is ultimately created in the mind.
So your own attitude plays the biggest part in how you feel about anything.
That doesn’t mean that stoic people don’t still have to do things they would rather not do.
We all have days when we don’t want to go to work or do our chores. There will always be moments when our commitments can feel like a burden.
Rather than complain about this, stoic people choose to accept this. That way, they don’t create more unnecessary suffering for themselves.
Final thoughts: Stoicism doesn’t have to come naturally, we can learn it
Greater peace of mind can come from adopting a more stoic approach to life. We can all practice the principles of stoicism to strengthen ourselves from within.
1) Courage
When we push our comfort zone and dare to face up to the things that we fear, we grow in confidence.
We become more adaptable and resilient to life as a consequence.
2) Wisdom
This comes down to making sound judgments. We can apply common sense to our lives.
We know how to step back and objectively look at something rather than getting carried away by our thoughts or emotions.
3) Temperance
Self-control is essential to stoicism. Our self-knowledge is only useful when we can apply it in order to act with discipline and restraint.
4) Justice
Ultimately, being stoic isn’t just about you. It’s about taking into account what is honest and fair.
It strikes at the heart of what is right and wrong. That means being guided by a sense of morality, even when it’s not easy.
We’re not always going to like something, even when we know it’s the right thing to do.
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