10 things men do when they are truly comfortable around you

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Love and relationships pass through different stages.

Whilst the early days are often categorized by butterflies in your stomach, a more stable connection grows as time passes.

On the surface, it may not feel as passionate but it is more enduring.

That’s why when these following signs show up, it means he is comfortable around you.

1) He no longer tries to impress you

This can feel like a good thing and a bad thing.

Bad because it may seem like he no longer makes a special effort. So he may not be as attentive as he was in the beginning.

But look on the bright side:

It’s also a good thing as it shows he feels more secure in your connection.

Often it’s when you are truly comfortable around each other that you stop putting on the same airs and graces you once did.

He’s not showing off to get your attention.

That means when he’s hanging out in sweatpants and suggesting you order takeout — he feels secure.

2) He shows vulnerability

There’s still more societal pressure on men to act tough or even macho. That can make them less comfortable in revealing their sensitive side.

But when a guy feels more at ease, he will start to be more vulnerable around you.

That can include:

  • Sharing his thoughts and opinions
  • Confessing when he is embarrassed, ashamed, or nervous
  • Letting you know when his feelings are hurt
  • Daring to be honest (even when he thinks you may disagree)
  • Letting you know what he wants and needs

3) He is way less polite

If family dynamics have taught us anything, it’s this:

True intimacy means keeping it real.

And many of the social niceties we reserve for people who we’re not that close with.

So that means the people we are comfortable with often no longer get treated to the same manners that are bestowed on everyone else.

He may be less inclined to:

  • Watch his language around you
  • Mind his table manners
  • Put his phone away whilst you’re talking
  • Remember his please and thank yous

…Oh, and then there’s also the next thing on our list.

4) He farts

Sorry if it’s too much information.

But hey, bodily functions are a fact of life! Yet, funnily enough, they tend not to feature so much in the rom-com version of love.

There’s a bit of an unwritten social rule that says we try to keep them under wraps when we’re in the company of others.

Yet that doesn’t extend to the company of others who we’re really close to.

It’s a good indication of when a relationship leaves the honeymoon stage when your partner starts to break wind in front of you.

And whilst it may not be your top favorite form of intimacy, it actually is a sign of feeling safe enough to be real around one another.

5) He shows his dorky side

Even lurking within the coolest of exteriors lies a few endearingly dweeby qualities.

He may not have told you about his obsession with Marvel on your first date. Neither did he brag about his penchant for Dungeons & Dragons.

He figures some things are best revealed later down the line.

So when his nerdy interests start to appear, rest assured you’ve reached the point where he knows you won’t judge him for them.

In fact, he probably knows by now that you secretly love them too!

6) He reveals his quirks

Our dorky side certainly isn’t the only big reveal. There are usually countless little quirks and idiosyncrasies that we only discover after a while.

For example, I once dated a guy who refused to pick knives up off the floor if he accidentally dropped one.

Apparently, it’s bad luck?!

It would make me smile to come home and see one lying on the kitchen floor.

As strange as our little quirks can be, it’s an honor to be privy to them.

They reflect yet another part of ourselves that we are willing to share.

7) He opens up about his feelings

Personally, I’m a bit of an over-sharer. So I have a tendency to be quite an open book. But for a lot of people, especially guys, that’s not the case.

They need to understandably feel like they can trust you before they will reveal certain details about themselves.

When he can share his feelings and experiences freely — it’s a big deal.

Likewise, when he starts to let you know about his insecurities or struggles he is showing great confidence in you.

You know a guy is truly comfortable when he shares his secrets, hardships, or past traumas.

8) He asks you for help

Asking for help requires a certain amount of vulnerability. We are admitting that we can’t do it all alone.

Perhaps he needs someone he trusts to figure out a project he is working on.

He may need your advice or guidance over a problem he is facing.

He could come to you for some all-important feedback.

It may be help emotionally or it could be practical help that he is looking for. But either way, he knows he can rely on you.

9) He can sit in silence with you

It sounds like an obvious point, but awkward silences are only awkward when we’re not comfortable with someone.

When we are, then it’s just silence. It doesn’t feel bad at all.

In fact, there can be something very powerful about being with someone and not feeling the need to say anything.

There is a closeness that comes from sharing the same space together — with no words required.

10) He can be himself

One of the reasons it takes time to truly get to know someone is that it takes time to drop our guard.

You can’t really shortcut this.

Despite our best efforts to show up authentically, we are all on our “best behavior” in the early stages.

We may unconsciously hold certain things back. But as time goes on, we slowly reveal more sides of ourselves.

We feel confident enough to show all that we are — the good bits and the bad bits.

That’s why if a man is fully himself around you he is clearly comfortable.

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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