Paul Brian
Loners have a reputation for being standoffish and even actively anti-social.
But there are actually some traits of loners that make them well-liked and low-key popular.
Here are the top things loners do that actually make them more likeable.
1) Speaking sincerely
The first of the things loners do that actually make them more likeable is that they speak sincerely.
Being a loner includes a lot more time alone and loners tend to only speak when they actually mean it.
This may sound like no big deal, but it stands out by contrast since so many people talk in less sincere ways or engage in gossip and rumor-mongering.
This brings up the next point…
2) Dodging the drama
Loners are born and made.
Some people start out being more reserved and solitary right from the start.
Others become more of a loner as they grow up, partly due to trauma and disappointment in social situations.
One of the big issues that causes some people to become loners is the drama of other people and getting dragged into it.
For this reason, loners tend to dodge the drama.
They don’t engage in meaningless arguments or rumors or angry confrontations. They’re focused on more important things.
This avoidance of drama is one of the most popular behaviors of loners.
This also means they are better at:
3) Giving good advice
Loners tend to be very perceptive and observant.
They like their time alone, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t paying attention to what’s around them.
The result often tends to be giving very good advice.
Because they have been silently observing situations, people and places, the loner gives really solid advice if and when he or she gives it.
Loners also tend to have other sources of advice and wisdom on life than your typical person, which brings me to the next loner trait…
4) Accessing unique sources of knowledge
Think of your average loner and what comes to mind?
An intelligent person who is withdrawn. He or she is a bit moody, nerdy and has a deep personality but can be hard to approach and get to know.
He or she likes books and TV shows nobody else has heard of and listens to obscure or at least very unique music that isn’t necessarily popular in their demographic or culture.
Think of a loner you know, does he or she check most of those boxes?
I’m not saying that stereotypes are always true, but they often contain a grain of truth.
Loners do tend to consume media and books that others don’t know of.
This gives them access to very unique knowledge and points of view, which also allows them to have more interesting insights on life and give out better advice.
You combine perceptiveness and observational skill with a unique and broad base of knowledge and you’ve got a very insightful person on your hands!
Speaking of uniqueness, the loner is never “just another guy” or “some chick.”
5) Marching to the beat of their own drum
Loners have their own unique interests, knowledge and goals.
You could argue that everybody does, but the truth is that many people tend to conform more easily to the influences and pressures around them in their family, society and culture.
There’s no shame in that, in my view, and society needs people who more or less want to fulfill an assigned and straightforward role.
But the loner exists on the margins of society. He or she is the mysterious stranger, the rebel and the renegade.
The loner is hard to label and is not necessarily left wing, right wing or even outwardly different.
The difference of the loner is on a deeper level inside the heart.
The uniqueness of a loner comes through when you get to know them and find out their inspiring, strange and sometimes remarkable goals and visions.
This can be a very likeable trait, since loners help give people more insight into what to do with their lives and offer other perspectives that are outside the mainstream.
This leads to the next thing that loners are loved for:
6) Thinking outside the box
Loners tend to be very original people who think outside the box.
This can make them exasperating to some, but also very endearing to others.
Many creative geniuses have been loners, including people like artist Vincent Van Gogh and author F. Scott Fitzgerald.
There’s a reason these people are still so admired and loved today, and part of it is the way they expressed their unique experiences and thoughts of life to the world outside.
Even those who aren’t loners can detect something universal and true in the work of these men and the countless loners who have gone before them.
It can be very painful to be a loner or feel misunderstood or left out.
But it can also produce some timeless and powerful art and philosophies that move everyone and add value and deep wisdom and beauty to our lives for generations to come.
7) Lowering expectations
Let’s face it:
Especially with the growth of social media and internet culture there are a lot of big talkers out there bragging about how great they are and who they know.
Photos are touched up with special filters and people post the best of their lives.
Everybody looks like some kind of movie star or popular icon if you believe what so many post.
This creates a lot of high expectations!
You meet somebody on a date and expect the
But the loner doesn’t mess around on social networks so much, and he or she keeps expectations low.
This is very likeable, because everybody has a deep exhaustion regarding fake people and fake experiences.
They don’t want any more of them, and meeting a loner who really is what they say they are and really looks the way they say (or even better) is a very pleasant surprise.
Which brings me to the next point…
8) Limiting use of shallow social media
Social media is a lot of fun. I remember when Facebook first came out and everybody was obsessed with writing on somebody’s “wall.”
It was so novel, exciting and interesting.
Now Facebook has faded in importance, but sites like Instagram are increasingly huge.
The hunt for followers and online clout only continues to grow, and here in Brazil where I currently live has a growing sector of online influencers who make their living from posting every moment of their life accompanied by clever brand placement.
For my part, I’m addicted to Twitter, where I’ve made many friends and done a lot of networking for work.
I admit I also find the drama and weird posts from various people fascinating, including some of the off the wall anonymous and politically incorrect voices on the left and right.
Clearly there are loners who are drawn to social media as a way to try to find more social interaction on their own terms.
But in terms of posting under their own names or putting up a lot of photos of themselves, that’s not the habit of most loners.
For this reason, they tend to be more likeable and attractive, because they aren’t seeking attention under their name and image to the same extent as less introverted people.
In fact, I even know people who entered serious relationships as a result of interactions on Twitter with an anonymous account.
They found somebody fascinating and then agreed to meet for a coffee only to find that Mr. Interesting Loner was also kind of a hunk.
What are the chances?
Long live the loner!
We may all feel like a bit of a loner at points of our lives.
Some are more of a loner than others.
But regardless of where you fall on the loner spectrum, I think we can all agree that these special individuals add a lot to the lives of everyone around them.
Long live the loner!
