Pearl Nash
Good things come to good people. Of course, maybe not always, but generally.
This is why some of the most successful people I know are some of the absolute kindest. Karma truly is real!
Our success and happiness in life are largely tied to how we build and maintain relationships with other people.
And the very foundation of a good relationship is kindness.
Here are 10 things kind people would never do. Let’s learn from them!
A kind person will never…
1) Be desperate for attention
Of course, everyone needs their fair share of attention from the people they care about.
But wanting it so badly and trying to get it so desperately is a major turn-off for most people.
People are attracted to confidence and sincerity.
Kind people have true confidence, and true confidence is quiet but firm. Arrogance and being needy for attention are loud and boisterous. Pathetic, even.
Kind and confident people accept accomplishments graciously but never hog the spotlight because of pride. In fact, they tend to draw other people’s attention to those who helped them succeed.
At the end of the day, it’s all a matter of self-esteem. Kind people are confident and draw their self-worth from within. On the other hand, those needy for attention suffer from a lack of self-love.
2) Be too proud to admit their shortcomings
Speaking of pride—kind people have very little of that. They will always be willing to admit their mistakes, sincerely apologize, and try to improve.
Most people refuse to acknowledge their mistakes due to pride or because they’re not willing to show their vulnerability. However, vulnerability is key to building emotional connections.
We all make mistakes, so talking about them openly helps other people feel closer. They can learn from our experience on a profound level. Apologizing for the mistakes, on the other hand, makes people trust you.
Remember that perfectionism is the enemy of happiness and success. Accepting that you will make and have made mistakes—to both yourself and others—will free you from the pressure of trying to be the perfect, well, anything.
Only then can you truly be your best and kindest self.
3) Make excuses
A kind person would rarely:
- Blame the traffic for being late;
- Whine about an unfair boss for not getting a promotion;
- Blame the lack of time to get an assignment done;
- Say they can’t do something.
Because they admit their mistakes, they also refuse to make excuses for them.
Overly proud or egotistic people don’t take responsibility for their actions and will instead make an excuse after excuse. Kind people hold themselves accountable.
They also have a high level of self-efficacy. They have an internal locus of control and believe they can accomplish things if they put in the time and effort.
4) Judge people or be hypocritical
You can’t be kind if you’re judgemental. They fully understand that people—including themselves—aren’t perfect.
This is why kind people never outwardly condemn or judge another person. They simply know that it’s counterproductive.
Instead, they offer constructive criticism that is phrased gently, and only when solicited.
This comes from a profound understanding that everyone makes mistakes and has their own flaws. And the last thing anyone wants is to be criticized and verbally abused over their shortcomings.
5) Tolerate negativity
Kind people can remain kind and positive because they just don’t tolerate negativity. In other words, they try to avoid negative people and situations.
They understand that our social circle largely influences us.
However, this doesn’t mean that kind-hearted people turn a blind eye to life’s inevitable harsh realities. On the contrary, their positive outlook gives them the strength to get through it and remain kind to everyone despite any unfortunate events that may come their way.
6) Need constant external validation
Unkind people are often selfish and need people to give them time, attention, and, most importantly, validation.
Kind people never make it about themselves—at least not for too long.
If you are truly kind, you won’t need and seek external validation from other people. Your confidence will come from within.
Kind people don’t need anyone else’s approval. After all, they understand that they can’t please everybody. So instead, they focus on the people who truly matter.
7) Be overly materialistic
Do you know why kind people always seem so happy and at peace? They value experiences and time with their loved ones over material possessions.
This is why they are so empathetic and can easily relate to other people.
Many scientific studies have shown that people who spend more on experiences (like traveling and outings with friends and family) are typically happier than those who spend it on material things.
As I’ve said, they simply understand who and what truly matters in their life.
8) Try to force change in someone
Because kind-hearted people understand and empathize with others very deeply, they also know they cannot force or manipulate someone into changing.
They understand that change can only start from the inside—and can only occur if the person truly wants to change. That’s why kind folks won’t try to convince anyone to change,
Don’t get me wrong; they will happily help someone better themselves if asked. However, they will do it so kindly and gently, without force or manipulation.
9) Break someone’s trust
Kind people are trustworthy. Most of the time, you can trust them to:
- Keep your secrets;
- Fulfill their promises;
- Never lie to you;
- Remain loyal to you.
They know how crucial trust is in any kind of relationship. They will ensure that they never break someone’s trust—because it also means breaking the relationship.
While kind people get tempted like everyone else, they are strong enough to fight the urge. They remember that whatever is tempting them, their relationship with other people is far more important.
10) Not listen to others
The very foundation of kindness and building and strengthening relationships is listening to other people. Kind people won’t refuse to lend an ear and a shoulder to those who need it.
They don’t do it because of a self-aggrandizing sense of duty. They don’t rush to offer opinions and solutions to others. They do it out of sincere empathy. They shut up and listen.
Kind people are always there for someone who needs to open their heart. And sometimes, it’s all that’s needed to feel better.
How to be a kinder person
As I mentioned earlier, no one is perfect. Even those who are kind are not always perfectly so.
So don’t fret if you still do some of the things listed above. While we may never be perfect, we can strive to be better!
Commit to practicing compassion and kindness, and you will see your relationships deepening and your life becoming more joyful.
Here are four key steps to do that:
Start thinking more about other people
To start, we simply need to think about other people more.
For many of us we were taught the “it’s all about me mentality” since we were born. And the default perspective we often have is that of our own—after all, we can only navigate the world through our very own senses and minds.
The first and most crucial step to becoming kinder is to simply more aware of how other people are feeling at any given moment. Then, you will see how your actions affect those around you on a deeper level.
Put yourself in other people’s shoes
The next step is to cultivate empathy. Now that you’re more aware of how other people feel, it’s time to understand those feelings better by imagining how it must feel to be in their place.
Spend some time thinking about what they’re going through.
Your life is incredibly complex and filled with so much detail, isn’t it? It’s the same for everyone else!
We all have empathy in one way or another, but sometimes we tend to be selfish to get through the bustle of everyday life. The world forces us to think of only our own problems in order to survive.
Slow down and think about how other people are doing too. Not just those you love or care about but everyone you encounter.
Be kind to yourself
Here’s another important thing: be kind to yourself. After all, a calmer heart is a more compassionate one.
Keep in mind this saying: Remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup.
It’s absolutely crucial to love yourself. Only then can you truly love and be kind to other people. So if you’re still holding on to unresolved trauma, now is your sign to finally get help!
Unhealed trauma can and will affect how you interact with others, and you might traumatize others unintentionally. This is especially true for people you hold power over, like your kids or subordinates at work.
After all, this other saying is also absolutely true: Hurt people hurt people.
Keep spreading kindness
Keep spreading kindness in any way you can.
Of course, how you act is the first and most important part, but don’t hesitate to share other people’s stories of kindness too. Inspiration can go a long way—for both yourself and other people.
If you’re struggling to keep kindness in mind or having difficulty staying consistent, make it a part of your routine.
For example, you can make it a goal to:
- Give one of your workmates a compliment every day;
- Do something special for your spouse every week;
- Hold a charity event every Christmas.
The more you spread kindness, the kinder and more positive the people around you will be too. Then, it will be even easier for you to spread kindness too!
It’s a wonderful snowball effect.
To sum up
The world is already cruel enough to add more negativity to it. It’s on us to make it a kinder place in any way we can.
Sending a friend a heartwarming text, holding the door open for a stranger, or helping your neighbor shovel your driveway might make their day.
Then, they will be kinder to the other people around them, and the chain of kindness will be formed. Indeed, even small acts can make a big difference.
I don’t know about you, but I definitely believe in the butterfly effect.
