8 things kind-hearted people never do in a relationship

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It may be difficult to believe given the state of the world, but kind people still very much exist. 

In fact, I’d go as far as to say that the majority of people are inherently good. 

But still, we should still tread with caution and not be completely naive. 

This approach is especially relevant in the world of dating and romance. 

In this article, I’ll go through some textbook behaviors kind-hearted people never do in a relationship. 

Sure, all relationships have the occasional hiccup or bit of drama, perhaps even making you question things. 

But if your partner isn’t frequently guilty of the following things, you’re probably dating a good one. 

Let’s dive in!

1) They don’t ghost you 

Here’s the thing: kind-hearted people are inherently thoughtful and considerate. 

They’re sensitive to the level of anxiety that is associated with not hearing back from a loved one for extended periods. 

So they make it a point to provide updates every now and then, particularly when they’re apart for lengthy durations. 

They don’t “ghost”, or go dark without communication or explanation. 

They’re averse to the thought of leaving their partner in a state of uncertainty, worry, and distress. 

2) They don’t invade your privacy 

Kind-hearted people will legitimately respect and value their partner’s privacy.

There’s a confidence that comes with kindness. They’re at peace internally. 

So they don’t often dwell on petty things like jealousy, suspicion, or paranoia–particularly when there is no evidence to support those feelings. 

They won’t sneakily attempt to go through their partner’s phone or laptop, investigating as if they’re the main character in a true crime thriller. 

If, for whatever reason, they need to check something on your phone, they won’t do so without permission. 

I’m not a saint. But I’m not a horrible person either. 

And I consciously make it a point to never go through my partner’s devices without her permission. 

She has an anonymous Twitter account that she is perpetually scrolling through. She refuses to let me follow her, claiming it’s “an outlet” for her and her feelings. 

She sometimes accidentally leaves her phone unlocked when she’s asleep. 

Sure, I’ve been mildly tempted in the past to sift through it. 

But as I grow older, I realize that things like boundaries, space, and trust really hold a great deal of importance, not just for the relationship, but for my own integrity. 

When you want to rule every aspect of your partner’s life, that simply is not a sustainable practice.

So if you get the urge to invade their privacy, let it go, and opt for respect instead. 

If I can do it, then, surely, so can you. 

3) They don’t make fun of weaknesses 

Kind-hearted people tend to fight fair. They don’t resort to overly mean-spirited remarks or things like mockery or ridicule. 

They simply don’t have it in them to stoop down to that level of cruelty. 

We have all experienced self-doubt every now and then–and chances are, many of us have confided these insecurities with our partners. 

So for them to weaponize that against you during the heat of battle, at a time when you’re most vulnerable, is pretty damn revealing. 

Once a certain line is crossed, it’s hard to come back from that. 

Maybe, for instance, you’ve expressed that you have deep-seated insecurities about your weight or body type to your partner. 

If they’re understanding in the moment, but when you argue, they use it as ammo against you, slinging taunts in your direction, you might want to rethink that relationship. 

Fortunately for you, when you’re with a truly kind-hearted partner, this is something you won’t often have to worry about. 

4) They don’t use the silent treatment 

As established, the kind-hearted partner often takes the noble path, the path of least resistance, when it comes to relationship altercations. 

They’ll always first seek to address issues head-on and thoroughly communicate issues rather than penalize their significant other with stone-cold silence

Resorting to hurtful, passive-aggressive tactics is not in their nature.  

That’s part of the beauty of dating a kind person–they almost always take the high road, a gesture that you should reciprocate as much as possible. 

5) They don’t make decisions unilaterally

Last week, I was at my cousin’s house. 

We were hanging out over beers when he invited me and some other friends back that weekend. 

His wife overheard and seemed to be visibly taken aback, the reason being pretty obvious: her husband, my cousin, invited people over to their shared home without consulting her first. 

Though he generally meant well, he was still a bit inconsiderate for not taking his other half into account first. 

Maybe she envisioned having a cozy weekend in, or wanted to spend quality alone time with her hubby. 

Whatever the reason was, he was definitely in the wrong for making the decision unilaterally. 

The kind-hearted person doesn’t typically have this problem. 

They remain consistently thoughtful, always considering their partner first when it comes to decisions that concern both of them. 

6) They don’t use past mistakes as ammunition 

When it comes to relationships, everyone makes mistakes and has shortcomings. 

If your partner has thoroughly atoned for their blunders and you have mutually decided to move on from them, then using these mistakes to gain leverage should be considered out of bounds.

They’re using guilt to gain control, which is a common form of emotional abuse

Regardless of how much you’ve grown since then is irrelevant, they’ll diminish your efforts in order to win an argument. 

The tender partner is above this petty behavior. They’ll always opt for the diplomatic solution, resisting the temptation to bring into play the past. 

7) They don’t force you to choose 

Caring people will respect and appreciate who you are as an individual. 

They’ll value that you’re an independent human being, with separate interests, friends, and loved ones. 

They will never put you in a position to choose between them and the people you care about. They don’t seek to control you.

They prioritize your happiness and know that to get there, having a well-rounded life is often a prerequisite–even when it doesn’t always include them.  

Another sign of a textbook abusive relationship is how the perpetrator will diligently work to isolate you from your loved ones. 

This is something you certainly won’t have to deal with when dating a kind-hearted person. 

8) They don’t publicly humiliate you

Real talk: the kind person likes to keep it classy. 

They won’t cause scenes, putting you through precarious scenarios that could publicly embarrass or demean you. 

They regularly have your back and never want to make you feel small. 

And if you did happen to unwittingly do something wrong, as my cousin did by inviting us over, they won’t be confrontational about it around other people. 

Instead, they’ll set you aside or patiently wait for you both to get home before bringing it up, so you can resolve things in a gentle and constructive fashion. 

Final words

The perfect partner doesn’t exist. So if you don’t quite tick all the boxes in this article, don’t fret. 

Not to sound overly cliche, but the truth is, life really is all about growth, about waking up a better person than you were yesterday–a process that never really ends.   

As long as you have the will to keep improving, then I think it’s safe to assume that you’re a good partner. 

Keep nurturing that energy. Keep things respectful and compassionate. 

It sounds like your partner is lucky to have you. 

Clifton Kopp

Welcome to my writings on Hack Spirit! I'm a bit of a "polymath" in that I like writing about many different things. Often I'm learning from the process of writing. I hope you enjoy, and please leave a comment on one of my articles.

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