Pearl Nash
Being independent can be such a gift.
Going your own way in life gives you freedom, self-determination, and a self-reliance that’s hard to beat.
independent women have an almost rebellious spirit.
Rather than try to conform at all costs, there are certain things independent women won’t waste their time on.
1) Deadbeat love interests
Independent women don’t waste their precious time or energy pursuing people who haven’t shown enough interest.
That means waving bye-bye to the f**kboys and players of the world.
If someone can’t show up and make an effort, she’s not interested.
She has better things to do than chase an avoidant or be given the run around by someone playing games.
Her independence means she’s looking for far more than simply filling her social calendar.
If a romantic partner cannot step up, they don’t stand a chance.
2) Questioning their decisions
This one comes with a slight caveat.
Because it’s not about never changing your mind or refusing to back down. That would be silly.
It’s important to live and learn. And part of that involves correcting our paths when we go off course.
But there’s a difference between that and simply second-guessing yourself.
In order to move forward and not get stuck, we need to make choices (big and small).
An independent woman makes her own. She might seek advice, but she ultimately goes with her gut.
Once she’s made a decision she isn’t going to undermine herself by questioning if it was the right one.
Either way, she knows she will be ok.
She trusts herself, her experience, and her wisdom rather than get caught up in self-doubt.
3) Following the crowd
Part of the very definition of independence is going your own way.
So it’s probably unsurprising that independent women don’t act like sheep.
They’re not concerned with what everyone else is doing, they prefer to decide for themselves.
Sometimes that means going against popular opinion and daring to stand out.
It’s not that independent women are trying to get noticed. But they can’t bring themselves to waste their own lives pretending to be something they’re not.
That may mean ruffling feathers.
But they prefer to focus on their own opinion of themselves as their main source of self-esteem, rather than get caught up in what other people may think.
4) Unduly worrying about what other people think of them
It’s incredibly hard to be independent in either thought or action when we’re busy obsessing over how we’ll be perceived.
People pleasing is a trap that plenty of us women fall into.
Society can put extra pressure on girls to be agreeable and “nice”. Women who assert themselves can be quickly labeled bossy.
So it’s no wonder that many of us go through life trying not to tread on too many toes.
It’s not that independent women don’t give a damn what anyone thinks. We can all feel sensitive to how we’re received.
But independent women know that overly pleasing others can lead to a betrayal of self.
They consciously turn to themselves as their greatest source of validation. That way they don’t have to stress about what people think of them.
5) Doing things they don’t enjoy or want to do
Ok, occasionally we all have to do things we’d rather not do. Especially for the sake of our relationships which always need cooperation and compromise.
Because independent doesn’t mean selfish.
But hands down one of the best things about being independent is that you get to skip the gatherings that don’t float your boat.
All your friends are going to see that new Marvel film. But it just ain’t your style. So you don’t go. Simple!
Independent women have no problem doing their own thing instead. They’re not driven by a need for constant company.
So they more happily turn down invitations or activities that they don’t feel like doing.
This frees them up to invest their energy and time in the things they do enjoy and feel passionate about.
6) Waiting for permission
Again, this one needs a little explanation.
Because I’m not talking about rule-breaking, illegal entry, or disregarding the wishes of others.
But what I am talking about is that permission slip so many of us seek from life. Before we truly go for something, it’s almost like we want confirmation that it’s ok.
That it’s ok to speak up, stand up, and go after what we want.
An independent woman isn’t looking for permission to pursue her dreams, embrace life or go out into the world and live.
That’s why so many of society’s trailblazers are independent women.
They’re not waiting for other women to do it first, they are happy to be the brave explorers who go first and set a course for others to follow.
7) Trying to change people’s minds
Being independent of mind doesn’t mean you need others to think the same way as you.
Quite the opposite.
Your independence is built upon quiet inner confidence and self-esteem. So you care very little about whether others will agree or disagree.
It’s usually the most fragile of egos that feel the need to convince other people that they’re right.
Not because of any particular moral crusade, but more because it feels threatening to them that someone is calling their beliefs into question.
But independent women aren’t looking for approval. So they have little inclination towards trying to convince you that their way is the “right way”.
Sure, they’ll happily debate and discuss for the sake of exchanging ideas and broadening minds.
But they’re not going to waste their time trying to change anybody. They know it’s a fool’s errand. All we can do is take responsibility for ourselves.
8) Playing the victim
Independent women are empowered women. And empowered women don’t play the victim.
That means taking full responsibility for your own life.
It’s tempting to look for a scapegoat for our thoughts and feelings.
When things don’t work out the way we hope, we can want to find someone or something to blame.
But that detracts us from the only real power we have over our lives — the power we have over ourselves.
Whilst playing the victim may feel cathartic in the short term, independent women won’t waste their time and energy on it.
Because they know that in the long run, it won’t get them anywhere.
9) Waiting until everything is just right before making a start
Independent women embrace imperfection.
To get somewhere in life they know that you’ve got to put progress over perfection.
We can waste so much time waiting for X, Y, or Z before we make a start.
We tell ourselves that we’re not ready yet.
That we need more time, more money, and more energy before we can get around to whatever it is that matters to us.
But in the meantime, time is ticking.
Too many people waste their whole life waiting for the right moment. But it never arrives.
Independent women don’t wait for that moment, they create it.
And they simply do this by taking imperfect action.
Of course, this means facing up to your fears.
10) Hiding from their fear
We all feel fear. I don’t care who you are or how much you pretend or protest.
Fear is natural.
We cannot totally “conquer” it.
It’s a built-in innate mechanism to try to protect us from harm. Because as the saying goes:
‘Only fools rush in.’
Having said that much of our fears are misplaced.
We usually worry less about genuine dangers and more about the mind-made perceived dangers.
Independent women are good at calling themselves out on this. They’ve learned to question the merit of their fears.
And importantly, not allow themselves to be held back.
They’ll take action in spite of their fear, and not just in the absence of it.
It’s this that gives an independent woman that courageous quality.
She has earned it by building her resilience over time. And the way she did it was by facing up to those fears, rather than hiding from them.
11) Negaholics or energy vampires who suck their spirit
As independent woman Oprah Winfrey puts it:
“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”
Because independent women are perfectly happy going it alone, they’re a lot more selective in who they share their energy and time with.
They don’t want anyone who will steal their vibe.
Incessant complainers and moaners can seem addicted to negativity. Toxic people always bring drama with them.
Independent women are conscious about who they allow into their lives.
They’re certainly not trying to be cruel, but they are fully prepared to drop the dead weight.
It’s simply a matter of self-preservation.
Independent women still need deep connections and fulfilling relationships
Here’s what independent women DO spend their time on:
People and things that are worth it.
It’s not that an independent woman’s self-reliance means she no longer needs other people.
She does.
She still values the strength of community, and the power of loving unions.
But she’s not needy nor clingy.
So she is far more mindful about the source where she goes looking for these things.
