Lachlan Brown
Have you ever stopped to wonder why you’re not as happy as you could be?
Sometimes, it’s not the big, obvious challenges in life that hold us back—it’s the small, unnoticed habits, mindsets, and routines that quietly chip away at our happiness.
The tricky part? These things are so ingrained in our daily lives that we often don’t realize the impact they’re having.
Today, we’re uncovering 7 surprising things that might be making you unhappy without you even realizing it.
Let’s dive in!
1) Comparing yourself to others
It’s a trap we all fall into from time to time: comparing ourselves to others.
Suddenly, we find ourselves trapped in an unhappy state of mind, wishing we had what others seem to have.
Whether it’s their careers, relationships, or even their Instagram-worthy vacations, comparison can breed discontentment.
The thing is, we often compare our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel.
We’re measuring our worst against their best, which is a surefire way to make us unhappy.
In the era of social media where everyone’s life appears perfect, it’s more important than ever to realize that this comparison game is a losing one.
The solution? Well, it’s simple. In the words of psychologist Dr.Jordan Peterson, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today”
2) Neglecting self-care
I’ve learned the hard way that neglecting self-care is a sure path to unhappiness.
A few years back, I was completely swamped with work. Hack Spirit was growing, and I was trying to keep up with the pace.
I stopped exercising, ate whatever was convenient (which often meant fast food), and sacrificed sleep for more work hours.
Guess what happened? My mood plummeted. I was irritable, tired all the time, and just generally unhappy.
Little did I know at the time, this was to be expected. As noted by the folks at Psych Central, a lack of self care is associated with all these things – low energy, lack of patience, feeling hopeless…
Anyway, that’s when I realized that self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.
Taking care of our physical health through proper nutrition, regular exercise, and getting enough sleep are fundamental aspects of our happiness.
As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Take care of yourself first.
3) Living with a big ego
This is a big one.
When we’re driven by ego, we’re constantly seeking validation, we’re overly competitive, and we take things too personally.
This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, stress, and constant dissatisfaction.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into the teachings of Buddhism that help us understand our own egos better.
But for now, just know that Buddhism teaches us how to live with humility and compassion, shifting our focus from self-centeredness to understanding and empathizing with others.
This can have a profound impact on our happiness levels.
Learning to tame your ego isn’t about losing your identity or becoming a pushover. It’s about finding peace and contentment within yourself and extending that to others.
Trust me, a big ego can cast a large shadow over small joys. Let’s learn to step into the light.
4) Pursuing constant happiness
This one might sound counter-intuitive, but bear with me. One of the things that can actually make us unhappy is the relentless pursuit of happiness itself.
When we’re constantly chasing after happiness, it can lead to disappointment and stress.
We set up this expectation that we should always feel joyous, and when reality doesn’t match up, it leaves us feeling unhappy.
Life is a mix of different emotions — joy, sorrow, excitement, boredom, love, anger. They all have their place in our lives and they all contribute to our overall well-being.
Embrace the full spectrum of your human emotions. It’s okay to feel sad or angry or bored sometimes. These feelings aren’t signs of failure; they’re part of being human.
5) Holding onto grudges
When we hold onto past hurts, we’re not just remembering an event – we’re reliving it. Every time we revisit that grudge, we’re reigniting the pain and anger associated with it.
It’s like carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go. It slows you down, drains your energy, and prevents you from moving freely.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, is like setting down that heavy pack. It doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning what happened.
It means choosing to release the burden of resentment and making way for peace and happiness.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., a man well versed in the human psyche, once said, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude.”
Let’s adopt an attitude of forgiveness for a happier life.
6) Ignoring your passions
Here’s one I know all too well.
There was a point in my life when I was so focused on my career that I completely neglected my passions.
I put aside the things that truly sparked joy in me, like reading and writing about mindfulness, to climb the corporate ladder.
The result? My happiness took a nosedive. I felt like a part of me was missing.
It wasn’t until I started dedicating time to my passions again that I began to feel truly fulfilled.
Whether it’s painting, hiking, cooking, or whatever else ignites that spark in you – make time for it. Your passions are not just hobbies; they’re a vital part of who you are.
They bring you joy, give you a sense of accomplishment, and contribute significantly to your overall happiness.
7) Neglecting relationships
This is the last point in this post, but perhaps the most important.
We are social creatures by nature. We thrive on connection, understanding, and companionship.
Yet, in today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to neglect our relationships. We get caught up in work, ambitions, or personal pursuits and forget to nurture the bonds we share with family and friends.
But here’s the truth: relationships are one of the biggest keys to happiness.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which tracked participants for over 80 years, found that the quality of our relationships is the single most important predictor of happiness and health.
Strong connections provide support during tough times, joy during good times, and a deep sense of belonging that enriches our lives.
So, make it a priority to invest in your relationships. Spend quality time with your loved ones, communicate openly, show appreciation, and be there for them.
At the end of the day, it’s not about what we have in life, but who we have in our life that truly matters.
Final thoughts
Happiness isn’t always about grand gestures or life-changing events—it’s often found in the small, everyday choices we make.
By recognizing and addressing the things quietly stealing your joy, you can create space for more fulfillment, connection, and peace in your life.
Start small, take one step at a time, and remember: happiness is a journey, not a destination. You’ve got this!
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