Tara Whitmore
Losing a parent is a life-altering experience—one that leaves a permanent imprint on your heart and soul.
It’s a unique kind of grief, one that words often fail to fully capture and only those who’ve lived through it can truly understand.
As a psychologist, I’ve seen firsthand the profound impact this loss has.
For those who have lost a parent, life often takes on a whole different meaning after such a loss.
Today, I’ll be sharing with you eight things that only people who have lost a parent will genuinely understand. These are insights that can only emerge from such an intense heartache.
By exploring these truths, we can cultivate greater empathy and understanding for those on this journey—and perhaps even learn how to offer the kind of support they truly need.
1) The permanence of loss
Losing a parent is not like any other loss.
It’s permanent, it’s profound, and it changes you in ways you might never have imagined.
There’s a void left behind – a parent-sized hole in your life that nothing can truly fill.
People often say that time heals all wounds, but for those who’ve lost a parent, time merely teaches you how to live alongside the loss.
The permanence of this loss has a unique impact on an individual’s life.
It changes routines, traditions and even simple daily interactions.
The impact can be felt on special occasions, during the quiet moments of contemplation, or in the middle of an ordinary day.
This understanding of loss is something only those who have lost a parent can truly comprehend.
It brings a new perspective on life, mortality, and the value of relationships.
2) The sudden onset of maturity
I remember when I lost my mother. I was only 15 and suddenly, there was an abrupt shift in my life.
I was no longer just a teenager; I had responsibilities.
Individuals who lose a parent, especially at a young age, often experience a rapid transition into adulthood.
They’re suddenly thrust into a world that is far too complex and demanding for their age.
In my case, I had to start:
- Taking care of my younger siblings
- Managing house chores
- Dealing with the paperwork and financial aspects related to my mother’s passing
I was forced to grow up overnight.
This sudden onset of maturity is something that only those who have lost a parent can truly understand.
The experience shapes you, making you more resilient and independent than you might have been otherwise.
3) The heightened awareness of mortality
When you lose a parent, mortality becomes more than just a distant concept.
It becomes a reality. It’s an unwelcome reminder that life is finite, and time is precious.
Bereaved individuals often report a greater understanding and acceptance of their own mortality.
This awareness is not necessarily negative; it can lead to a deeper appreciation of life and the relationships we maintain.
People who have lost a parent start seeing life through a different lens.
They tend to value moments more and understand the importance of expressing love and gratitude towards their loved ones.
This heightened sense of mortality can be transformative, leading to personal growth and a more profound understanding of life’s value.
4) The unique grieving process
Grieving the loss of a parent is a unique journey.
It’s not linear and it doesn’t come with a manual.
One day you might feel like you’ve made progress, and the next, you’re back to square one.
The grieving process can bring a rollercoaster of emotions – from intense sadness to anger, guilt, and even relief, particularly if the parent suffered from a prolonged illness.
It’s essential to understand that everyone grieves differently.
Some people may find solace in shared memories and talking about their parent, while others may prefer solitude.
This diverse range of emotions and coping mechanisms is something only those who have lost a parent can truly appreciate.
It’s a personal journey of healing and acceptance that shapes your life perspective and emotional resilience.
5) The lingering sense of longing
When you lose a parent, you don’t just lose the person they were, but also the person they could have been in your life.
The future memories that will never be made, the advice that will never be given, the love that will never be expressed – all of it leaves a sense of longing that lingers.
You may find yourself reaching for the phone to share good news or seek advice, only to remember that they’re no longer there.
Holidays, birthdays, and milestones can trigger a wave of longing and a deep sense of what’s missing.
This lingering sense of longing is something only those who’ve lost a parent can truly understand.
It’s a tender reminder of their absence and the love that endures despite it.
This longing doesn’t diminish with time; it simply evolves into a part of who you are.
6) The unexpected triggers
One day, I was walking through a grocery store when a familiar fragrance wafted through the air.
It was the scent of my father’s favorite bread.
Suddenly, I was transported back to my childhood, sitting at the kitchen table while he sliced the loaf for our breakfast.
Tears welled up in my eyes, right there in aisle six.
When you’ve lost a parent, unexpected triggers can catch you off guard and bring a rush of memories, evoking strong emotions.
It could be a song, a scent, a place, or even a specific date that brings back memories.
These triggers can be challenging to navigate because they’re unpredictable.
One moment you’re fine, and the next, you’re overwhelmed with emotions.
But they also serve as poignant reminders of your parent and the bond you shared.
This bittersweet aspect of loss is something only those who’ve experienced it can truly understand.
7) The importance of self-care
When you lose a parent, your world revolves around your loss.
It’s easy to neglect your own needs during this time.
But the importance of self-care becomes paramount.
Taking care of your emotional, mental, and physical health is crucial in navigating through the grieving process. It could be as simple as:
- Ensuring you’re eating well
- Maintaining a regular sleep schedule
- Engaging in activities that bring you comfort and joy
Those who have lost a parent understand the significance of self-care during grief.
It’s not about moving on or forgetting; it’s about learning to live with loss while also taking care of oneself.
This realization often comes with time and is a vital aspect of healing and growth.
8) The resilience that emerges
Despite the pain, the longing, and the upheaval, there’s a resilience that emerges from losing a parent.
It’s the strength you didn’t know you had until you had no other choice but to be strong.
This resilience is born out of necessity, but it becomes a part of who you are. It:
- Shapes your perspective
- Fuels your empathy
- Instills a deeper appreciation for life and relationships
Resilience doesn’t mean you stop grieving or missing your parent; it means you learn to carry your loss while continuing to live a meaningful life.
This is perhaps the most profound understanding that only those who’ve lost a parent can truly grasp.
Final reflection
Losing a parent changes you in ways that are difficult to articulate but impossible to ignore.
The pain, while profound, also brings with it unique insights and a deeper understanding of life, love, and resilience.
These eight truths aren’t just about the grief—they’re about the strength, the memories, and the perspective that emerge from such a significant loss.
By sharing and understanding these experiences, we can foster greater empathy and create a space where those who have lost a parent feel seen, supported, and understood.
If you’ve experienced this loss, know that your journey is valid and your feelings matter.
And if you haven’t, remember that even the smallest gesture of kindness or acknowledgment can make a world of difference to someone carrying this weight.
Together, we can build a world where grief is met with compassion, not silence.
